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my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her


Discussions on "my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her" in "Friends and Neighbours" forum.


  1. #1
    mngo is offline Newbie
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    my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    my friend she is very close to me, after i came to this office. we both married and have kids in the same age group. she came from well disciplined family, at times we have even get together in any of our home or in picnics.

    now for the last 1 month, i saw some changes in her, she is in love with a guy, he is also working in our same department. i even asked her and confirmed the same, she agrees to me. i advised her a very lot, but no use.

    i said to see her family, his husband and his daughter she never taking my advise. i am feeling very much guilty on this, her husband and her parents are very well known to me, i don't know how to face them.

    give me any solutions to change her mind and leave a peaceful life with her family.

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  2. #2
    RathideviDeva is offline Registered User
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    Re: my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    Hi @mngo .
    Your friend is lucky to have a well wisher like you. The problem seems serious and it looks like you are desperate in solving it.

    Your friend loving, her colleague, is just a infatuation or just a ஈர்ப்பு(attraction). People think that this can happen only in teenage and before marriage. But our social environment has gone past this and it can happen at any age. It is quiet common, only thing needed , we shouldnt give serious thoughts to it.

    You said you told this to her husband and her daughter. Do they know this issue in full?

    ok, now coming to what you can do,
    1) Do not pressure her to get away from the colleague. The more you pull away it is going to get back in the opposite direction.

    2) Get her to focus on her family life. Remind her of her duties. If there is a personal family issue going on, ask her to seek a counsellor help. She needs to see the positive side of her husband, family(to which she could have been blind sighted)

    3) Remind her that this attraction is fatal and it is not worth it to lose her dignity and family life. Her character may be good, but nobody will trust her anymore. Her own family will disown her. She will be alienated from the society. Make her realize the social norms and how emotionally she will be stoned to death. She will be all alone, even her colleague might not be there.

    4) Also whatever she does, is going to impact her daughter too. Once the society stamps her(or any female for that matter) negatively, it will have its impact for next generation too.

    5) Talk with her about why she likes him. Just tell her that he might not be the only person who could be impressive. There will be many such people through out our life journey. Make her understand that this attraction is temporary only. If a guy(your colleague) is encouraging this affair, even after knowing that she is married, then she she should understand his intentions. He is selfish and he is going to use her like an use and throw. Even later in life she cannot expect justice from him. Even he will degrade her. Even her own conscience will not let her live in peace.

    6) Take her to serious counselling. They can solve this. She might need to switch her office too.

    7) If she is still not able to change ask her to get a divorce.

    Just one request, be with your friend through out, and get her out of this.

    Take her to temple/ whatever religious place she prefers, often. She needs to be in good well-respected positive surrounding, often.

    Best regards to you and your friend.


  3. #3
    RathideviDeva is offline Registered User
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    Re: my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    You have said you have given her enough advice. She is childish and still not able to change her behaviour.

    More than above mentioned suggestions, there is one thing that stops any child or any person(especially women) from doing anything wrong. That is the TRUST that somebody has on them. No person will try to ever break that trust. It could be her parents, her husband, daughter or anybody who doesn't know this issue. Mention them in your conversation. Tell her, how much they trust her, in such a way, that she should start thinking about this and do a self-analysis.

    Hopefully your friend realizes this before anything gets out of control.

    There is also a tamil movie "adiththi" that covers this theme. Do make her watch this movie with you.


  4. #4
    Deeptha is offline Newbie
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    Re: my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    The above given suggestions are quite worthy.

    If they also do not turn fruitful, you may have a last try to talk with that male colleague and advice him to leave your friend. First ask him whether how he thinks about your friend and make him understand that she is already leading a wonderful family and married life and he need not throw stones in the clear water.

    Last edited by Deeptha; 2nd Jul 2015 at 01:02 PM.

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    mngo is offline Newbie
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    Re: my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    very much thanks for your replies. We were as a friend for the last 6 years, she helped me a lot and i too.

    The only negative is her husband is little egoistic person, he will hurt him in front of others by saying her inability or commenting of cooking etc.

    I tried very much in advising her, today i even got a small fight with her. but she is just sitting like a deaf.

    Shall i go and tell this to her parents or her husband. i am little afraid whether this will worsen the situation even more and i don't know how her husband will react for this.

    Talking to the guy is not a matter, but what can i tell that if he said me, like this, "Mind your own business" or if he use any bad words on me.


  6. #6
    RathideviDeva is offline Registered User
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    Re: my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    Quote Originally Posted by mngo View Post
    The only negative is her husband is little egoistic person, he will hurt him in front of others by saying her inability or commenting of cooking etc.
    That is the case for most of the women. Family life is not rosy like we see in ads and movies. She should realize that.

    If you know about her husband's any other good quality, make her look beyond his negative behaviour. For e.g., I have seen quite a few friends had asked help for resolving their husband's suspecting behaviour on them by checking their mobiles, calling their office, etc,. Atleast in your friends situation, her husband is fully trusting her.

    Atleast she should think of her daughter, show her how she will be impacted( she will be the one carrying the worst social aftermath burden). Now focus on convincing her by explaining this(Use her daughter as trump card).

    Whatever might be the case, her dignity is at stake. She is letting others treat her like trash.

    Shall i go and tell this to her parents or her husband. i am little afraid whether this will worsen the situation even more and i don't know how her husband will react for this.
    Dont tell it to neither her parents nor husband. Yes, the situation will become worse. You first have the confident that your friends CRUSH will soon fade over time. CRUSH is like a soda. It will be bubbly and forceful, in the beginning, but soon everything will vanish. Give her some time and give her hope that there is nothing wrong in having crush(as long as you are within your limits) and soon her crush will fade. If she gives herself enuf time, her problem will be solved. Jovially you can talk about other colleagues impressive qualities, indirectly stating that, you are impressed but not crazy about them.

    Talking to the guy is not a matter, but what can i tell that if he said me, like this, "Mind your own business" or if he use any bad words on me.
    If you are talking to that guy, prepare yourself. Dont ever get emotional, be stone faced, yet bold. Talk like a mutual well-wisher to both(explaining how both their lives will lose peace). Have a hidden voice recorder and record your conversation with him. If his intentions are good, he will distance himself.

    Last edited by RathideviDeva; 2nd Jul 2015 at 09:08 PM.
    ramyaraj and jv_66 like this.

  7. #7
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    Re: my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    Hi

    If your friend is still stubborn better you convey this matter to her mother. Actually Mother's knows very well to change their daughter's mind. She will definitely keep this as secret so no need to worry.

    Ramya Rajan
    Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love. ― Mother Teresa

    வழியோரம் விழி வைக்கிறேன் - full story link

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    smagssb9 is offline Banned Newbie
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    Re: my friend is in affair with a colleague how to save her

    As a friend you to convey the matter to her husband. There is no matter opinion.whether your friend not understand means. You have say this solution. her husband handle at situation. It's not only your friend make decision easily. and his kid also involved. It's a better solution you tall to her husband. OK.....

    Last edited by sumathisrini; 6th Oct 2016 at 12:12 PM. Reason: External link removed

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