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Please give solution


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  1. #1
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    Sharmila Devi
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    Please give solution

    Hi Friends,

    Please give solution. I really don't know what i have to do to satisfy my mother-in-law. She is creating many problem against me even i m in silent. Even she is not allowing me to serve food for my husband. She is act in front of my husband in different. if my husband not in home, she is act in different way. I have 1 1/2 year son. She is not ready to do anything for my son also. If i am telling to my husband, he is not ready to accept my point. some problem we can express, some problem we cannot express. i am in second situation.

    Really i feel, i am alone. my husband side they are creating many problem in my pregnancy. but i tolerate all those thing. my son birth time itself many problem in his health. Operation done at the 3rd day of his birth. my father retired and spent more money for my delivery and some money for my son. but they expected, he should take care of all money. Like this problem many thing is there.

    I don't know, how i am going to live in center of these problem.

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  2. #2
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Please give solution

    Welcome to Penmai Sharmila @Sharmila Devabalan

    Yes...this is very very common in many women's married life.

    This is a typical case of a Possessive Mother in law.

    Many of them are very possessive and will not be able to think of sharing their love of their son, even if it is his wife.

    This is because, they would have a lot of fear, whether her son would not take care of his mother or would not show his affection after his marriage, which she enjoyed all these 27- 30 years.

    Some of them would come out of this fear when she feels that his son is showing the same affection even after marriage and would leave the space to her son and DIL.

    Now, what you can do is,

    When she is cooking, you just don't be idle, be helping her in all the ways and tell her that you would like to learn lot of cooking and the favourites of all the members at home only from her.

    Tell her that you are still learning to cook and would like to learn always from elder persons like her.

    Whatever new dish she prepares, you should immediately praise it and should ask for the recipe , even if you know it already.

    Whenever she feels sick, you should take the utmost care and tell her that she need not worry and will cook in the similar way as she does.

    Even if she is not satisfied with your cooking, just don't grumble in front of her. Just keep quiet.

    If she is not allowing you to serve food to your husband, leave it. Let she herself serve him.

    These type of MIL would think that their son would like only his cooking and would be satisfied, only if she serves him food, as she has done for the past 30 years.

    Generally these type of MIL will not be able to leave the regime of Kitchen , cooking and serving to the newcomer - DIL.

    It will take some more years for them to change.


    To gain her confidence,


    Then and there, say once in 10 or 15 days, you can ask your husband to take his mother , outside anywhere of her choice.

    The main thing is , only your husband and your MIL should go out. You should not accompany them. if your FIL wishes to join them, he also can.

    You just stay at home with your son.

    If your husband is asking the reason why you are not joining them, you can tell him, that , his mother will feel very happy when she enjoys outing alone with her son, even after your marriage.. By this activity, your husband will also feel proud about yourself that you are respecting his parents.

    And now, your MIL will feel secured that, she is also taken care by her son as before.

    Do not avoid them totally.Once in a while , you can also join them.


    Once in six months or three months, take a vacation and enjoy with your husband only, by visiting very distant places. Probably, she will not accompany you for these places and thus you both could enjoy.

    This will really make her feel and she would start staying at home and ask you both to enjoy the outings.

    Ask your husband to arrange for the spiritual trips for her along with any other relatives, neighbours or friends.

    She might feel happy with this and you both will have your own space.

    And you can ask him to buy any sarees or any other small gifts like slogam books, CDs or anything like that. Either , you can ask him to buy these on his own or if he seeks your help in selecting these, you tell him before itself, that he need not tell his mother, that you have selected these for her. if she comes to know, then she might tell you later that he is gifting her only after your suggestion and he himself is not caring her.

    Let this continue for 1 year like that. Later, you can present yourself to her, so that she would have gained confidence in you.

    Whenever any important decision is to be taken in the family, in front of everyone, you tell your husband that, only your MIL's decision will be final, as she is an experienced person and would guide the family well.

    Then and there, you be asking all the suggestions for everything to her. This will give her much confidence on you.

    Whenever any relatives visit your house, don't forget to praise about your MIL in front of them, that she is your another mother and you do not miss your mother's home, since your MIL is helping you in all aspects and you are able to learn a lot from her experience.

    By this, the relatives will also come to know about your attitude and start praising about you to your MIL. Through this, she will again gain confidence on you.


    Since your MIL is behaving as if she is very caring towards you, your husband will not be able to believe in your words about her.

    And regarding the money matter, most of the MILs will behave like this only. ie., they will expect all the expenditure to be spent only by the DIL's side when the problem occurs along with the delivery.

    Hereafter, she will not expect that the expenditures for your son to be done by your parents, since your son is more than 1 year.

    If she is not taking care of your son, leave it.

    You are his mother and show all your love and affection towards him. You can forget all your sorrows by taking care of your son.

    Divert all your attention on your son and you will never have any time to think about any other problem in life.

    All the best.

    We also pray for your son's healthy life and a happy married life of yours.




    Last edited by jv_66; 18th Jul 2016 at 01:18 PM.
    Jayanthy





  3. #3
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    ahilanlaks is offline Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Please give solution

    Jayanthy ka very good suggestions

    kasri66 and jv_66 like this.
    ​Bhuvana Ahilan

    Love Makes Life Beautiful

  4. #4
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    Sharmila Devi
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    Re: Please give solution

    Thanks akka.

    First thing my MIL don't know cooking. Even my husband don't like her recipes. So i can't learn any item from her.She know only sambar, rasam that's all.

    And all time she worry about money. She is not ready to spend money for her own needs itself. Every time she asking how much this, how much that. Even if my husband buy

    One day, really i felt upset about her speech. One day, in my office all are discussed about schools and fees. my friends all are married and have baby. that day i discussed about this topic with my husband at the time of dinner. Suddenly she said, "why you are going to spend that much of amount for school. you both are educated, so teach in home. that enough".

    One day me and my husband discuss about vacation. but she told, "don't waste money".

    Akka, i tried all ways to impress her. Actually she have some ear problem. I am only took her to hospital and every month i take her to hospital for her check up.

    My relation stopped to come to my home akka. because of her activity. Even she won't ask them for lunch/breakfast when i am in office.


  5. #5
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Please give solution

    Quote Originally Posted by Sharmila Devabalan View Post
    Thanks akka.

    First thing my MIL don't know cooking. Even my husband don't like her recipes. So i can't learn any item from her.She know only sambar, rasam that's all.

    And all time she worry about money. She is not ready to spend money for her own needs itself. Every time she asking how much this, how much that. Even if my husband buy

    One day, really i felt upset about her speech. One day, in my office all are discussed about schools and fees. my friends all are married and have baby. that day i discussed about this topic with my husband at the time of dinner. Suddenly she said, "why you are going to spend that much of amount for school. you both are educated, so teach in home. that enough".

    One day me and my husband discuss about vacation. but she told, "don't waste money".

    Akka, i tried all ways to impress her. Actually she have some ear problem. I am only took her to hospital and every month i take her to hospital for her check up.

    My relation stopped to come to my home akka. because of her activity. Even she won't ask them for lunch/breakfast when i am in office.

    Hi @Sharmila Devabalan


    Regarding cooking, by now, you would be knowing about your husband's tastes and likings of certain food items.

    What you can do is, during the weekends, you can tell your husband that you are going to prepare his favorite dishes (each on both saturday and sunday).

    Also tell him that , he needs to support you when you tell your MIL that you are preparing that dish only on his wish .

    He (or you also) may tell his mom that she may take rest from the Kitchen works in the weekends.

    Even if you and others do not like the cooking of your MIL, you should just say her that during the weekdays all the members are enjoying her cooking and during the weekends, you are trying to improve your cooking (please note here... even if you are very good at cooking than your MIL, you should tell her like this only. otherwise, she will not allow you to cook).

    Thus you could be satisfied by cooking for your husband.

    And all time she worry about money. She is not ready to spend money for her own needs itself. Every time she asking how much this, how much that. Even if my husband buy
    Yes...few/many ladies may be like this. Because they might have been suffering all throughout their life for money and hence would like to save all the money they (the family members) have and would never want to waste a single money.

    This is the best time for your husband to buy her all the things and he should also tell her that she need not worry about the money hereafter since he and his wife (you) are there to look after her with no worries.

    Even if she enquires about the rate of the products he gifts her, he may just say approximately about it and again and again tell her that she need not worry about the price, since he is able to buy it for her.

    If she is still objecting for his gifts, he should just ignore her comments, but continue to gift her. (you can insist this to him).

    One day me and my husband discuss about vacation. but she told, "don't waste money".
    Again, he should not listen to this (you may tell him and compel him to take her out) and tell her that she need not worry about the money but atleast a small vacation or outing is necessary , then and there. If she is not telling the place, he may just tell her to be ready and take her to any spiritual places (by now, he may be knowing about her wishes, or he can enquire his father about the place).


    One day, really i felt upset about her speech. One day, in my office all are discussed about schools and fees. my friends all are married and have baby. that day i discussed about this topic with my husband at the time of dinner. Suddenly she said, "why you are going to spend that much of amount for school. you both are educated, so teach in home. that enough".

    Many ladies may tell like this, since they might think that their son and daughter are quite intelligent even after studying in ordinary schools (if it is the case) and why should you spend a lot in these days.

    But , you may tell your husband or you can ask his opinion , while you both are alone, about your son's schooling . If he is accepting your suggestion, then your husband can proceed with your plan and convince his mother that these are all necessary expenditures and cannot be avoided. Even if he is not accepting your suggestion initially, you may convince him by telling the positive aspects of that school and then he may also accept your suggestion.

    If your MIL is still objecting for this suggestion, you and your husband can ignore it. Just keep quiet.

    I am only took her to hospital and every month i take her to hospital for her check up.
    Yes...very good....you should only take care of her health. continue the same.

    dhivyasathi likes this.
    Jayanthy





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