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Need suggestion for my SIL's life


Discussions on "Need suggestion for my SIL's life" in "In-Laws" forum.


  1. #1
    deviprasad is offline Newbie
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    Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    dear friends i am devi. i am here to get ideas and suggestions for my SIL family prob. my sister in law got married before 3years. she is such a nice person. very loveable and caring. She is having girl baby who is 1 1/2yr old now. her husband is no more, he died in an accident when she was pregnant. she cried a lot and she was very depressed those times. Everyone wondered how she recovered and being normal. after that incident she is living with us. when she delivered a baby she said "This girl is my life and world". My mil and hubby are worrying about her life and future as well as her daughters future. she is now going for a job in an mnc. we are not able to understand her. i am not feeling that she is normal. i think she is hiding her pain and showing like she is happy now.

    In my family my mil, hubby and some of my close relatives are thinking about second marriage for her. but we dont know how to talk about her. is it good to make her into second life with her daughter?

    Everyone asking me to talk with her about the 2nd marriage but i dont know how to start the talk. i cant get what she thinks...

    please guide me.

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  2. #2
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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    What is there in starting a discussion ? Please start and tell your opinion and find out her opinion also. Before the male co -workers make an attempt to spoil her mind in the workplace by way of making some indirect comments, showing sympathy and earning her confidence thereby they will invite her to their houses and so on . to avoid all future problems now itself you start and dont delay. It is very delicate matter. Her billogical needs warrants sexual relationship then the social evil will happen. hence dont delay. If she is a housewife you can postpone the issue. but because she is working in mnc, be proactive and keep discussing with her regarding her needs. Now itself act. you only can help her.

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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    well said sumitra.

    In this present world a women should need protection and also her baby also needs it. Talk to her, but don't force her immediately, give her time to change.

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    deviprasad is offline Newbie
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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    Thank you so much sumitra mam. as you said ya there is possibilities for rising such kind of problems. i think she is in her husband's thoughts. she is hiding her feelings before us. my mil indirectly talked about her 2nd life. for that she said that if i am burdening you and anna i will leave this house and wil stay out. now everyone pushing me to talk with her. if she decide one thing she wont change from it. so i am afraid of speaking with her.


  5. #5
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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    she might scare you by words, talk to her gently and explain how the world is and how they will behave if there is no spouse.

    Talk her about her girl babies life, the girl baby expects a father in all her stages. And also explain gently that you too can't support them in all their life. Give her some more time to think.

    If possible try talking with any of her close friends and make them to advice.

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  6. #6
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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    Dear Devi,

    I feel sorry for your SIL.s loss which is irreplaceable. Husband is a relationship which was to carry one's life till the end and abrupt end is very sad. First of all she needs lot of love and affection. Through she would have spent limited amount of time with her husband that was her first and she would have thought about her married life before and after marriage and would have planned a lot of milestones. Giving them up all of sudden will certainly have an impact in her mind.

    It is the duty of you and the people at home to give her lots and lots of love and affection so that she feels comfortable. You can plan for an outing for few days with her....take her to a hill station ( carefully avoid taking her to places which she had visited along with her deceased husband)this will give her some energy.

    Check her food habits and ensure that she eats quality and nutritious food items. Through this we can catch her senses.

    Talk to her friends and create circumstances to have informal get together s with them. Ensure that she gets to meet some new people in such meetings...make sure that they are reliable people.

    Slowly but steadily you can get into her mind and set the same thinking by talking to her about her future.....What will happen to her on her later stages...the need to plan for the same now....

    Give her some three four options and second marriage should be a strong option which will give her utmost safety for future, sighting some living examples ( you can also create some on your own if needed)

    Working on this area will certainly open up some windows....

    Best wishes to you and your SIL...



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  7. #7
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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    Hi Devi,

    A very good decision is taken by you and your family. And our Penmai friends have given wonderful suggestions.

    Apart from this, I would like to tell one more thing. Sooner the marriage will be better for both the child and the would be husband.What I mean is, if your SIL gets married soon, when her child is very small, the child will also feel him (the one your SIL marries) as her real father , and on the other hand, that man will also feel this child as his own , and he can show his affection right from the beginning.

    You can tell this point also to your SIL, while convincing her, for her re-marriage.

    BEST OF LUCK , DEVI.


    Parasakthi, Preethi4u and Lav like this.
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  8. #8
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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    Hi Devi,

    Sorry for your SIL and your family's loss.

    Already our friends gave you the best suggestions. I want to add few points as Jeayathi said you are not only looking for a Husband for your SIL, a father for her daughter too. So keep that in mind while looking for groom.

    Before that talk to her nicely, make her to come out whatever is there in her mind.It's not that easy to forget someone very fast and she must be seeing him in the form her daughter everyday. That's enough to cherish her old memories.

    I know how tough its to handle your SIL and the situation, because i had a similar experience in my family. So just make her talk,listen to her make her understand the kid needs a father and she needs a companion for life. Life never stops here, what ever happens life has to move on.

    Working is a best option for her at this moment, if she sits at home then only her husband's thoughts will be in her mind. She won't come out of it easily.so working will obviously divert her mind into something else for at least sometime.

    After she says ok to the second marriage, take time in finding a perfect person before that make her also ready for the new life. Every one goes possessive when it comes to their partner. So she should not be talking about the past to the new.This is the fact of life so don't take me wrong.

    And one more thing to note is after marriage, she is going to have a challenge bcoz all these days she was just mother to her daughter, now she needs to give time for her husband also. She should give enough time for both. If she gives more preference to hubby then it might affect the baby. On the other hand husband might take it wrong spending more time on lil one...

    Decide about her In Law's also because they might want to see their grand kid, in that case how the new family going to take it?? decide about it before marriage itself. Make them clear that they will be visiting to see the grand kid.

    In the first few years of new marriage ask your SIL to avoid those relatives who will talk nonsense in public. They might hurt her by poking their nose into everything & asking all rubbish question in the world. I hope you understand what i mean???

    I don't want to scare you by saying this all..but this is the fact so keep all this in mind, if possible you can send them both(SIL & would be husband) for counselling. they will make them understand everything practically.

    Really appreciate your effort of making your SIL getting married.Wish you all the best Devi. God bless you and your family.

    Parasakthi, nlakshmi and jv_66 like this.
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  9. #9
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    Re: Need suggestion for my SIL's life

    Very good suggestions from all our penmai friends.
    Ofcourse its hard for her to accept for other married life, as she felt the first love from her late husband and also since the baby being a girl, she would see her husband resemblence in the baby. so its even more hard for her. But now its time to move on with her life. You have a biggest responsibility here. Talk to her as you are her sister. Make her open up what she feels. It doesnot have to be at once. take time gradually.
    Since she is working in mnc, there are both good and evil. Before anyone take advantage of her situation, one of your family members should be her emotional support. Ofcourse she is deserved to be loved once more. Every women has a mental block for the second marriage. The society plays a important role but talk to her slowly and let her cry out all her depression first. Then talk about her kid as how she needs a father figure. When you try to talk to her you should be dedicated. you should not just talk to her because of your family's compulsion. You should understand her pain. If you guys have any any mutual friend who is willing for the proposal, whom you know well, or any other friendly matrimony would be really good. Main fear for her will be how her kid will get accepted by the would be family. For that , you have to get her acceptance for remarriage first. Then you and your husband have the biggest responsibility to find a perfect husband for your SIL.

    So first start to talk. Dont go directly to marriage stuff.. but start with what is going on in her mind. make her to open her heart to you.

    Hope it helps

    Parasakthi and Preethi4u like this.

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