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How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy


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  1. #1
    amnilakshmi is offline Newbie
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    Unhappy How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    Hi all,

    This is my second post and i want tips on how to take decisions and handle relatives (especially husbands side) who illtreat and tell things which hurt you.

    All my husbands family talk bad about me. They come home and say things which will surely hurt me. Example. My co sis ( far of co sis-not direct ) says that her mothers house is more rich than mine. She says my level is more than yours. She kept on pestering me regarding property/cash available at my moms place. I didnt bother to give her a direct answer so she says she is at a higher level.

    Second example, my husbands uncle visited my house. He came late and so we decided to go out for dinner. He says why dont you resign your job if you cant cook during late hours wheneven i come. I dont understand is it really important to cook for him by resigning my job ?


    These are two incidents. I have many more. My question is - what is the reason why people behave like this to me ? Is it something that needs to be changed from my end ?
    Should i cut them off or how to handle these people. I find all relatives and friends to be like this

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  2. #2
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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    http://www.penmai.com/forums/married-life/44477-how-run-smooth-family-10.html#post468100



    Lakshmi,

    Please check the above link, for your previous question, in my thread.

    Coming to your today's question, each and every people differ in their opinions, like our fingers differ in size.

    Regarding your co-sister's inquiry, you need not give the proper answer. What you have done is correct.

    When she is boasting about her parent's house, let her do it. You just ignore it. You need not worry about that.

    Regarding your husband's uncle, you can just keep quiet,immediately when he questions you, since he would be much elder to you.

    Later, you may answer him politely, that, you will surely cook for him, when he comes during your usual dinner time, and in these days, it is very easier to inform earlier about his arrival.

    You can also tell him that when he comes late, it seems to be impossible to cook for him.You may also tell him that your job helps you improve the financial status of your family and your self-confidence.

    And please understand that, these type of in-laws' behavior is not happening , only for you.

    It is very very common.

    Many of us would have faced similar situations.

    This is not difficult to handle. The main thing which you should follow is,"PLEASE DO NOT GIVE BACK ANSWER OR ARGUE" with the inlaws.





    Jayanthy





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    amnilakshmi is offline Newbie
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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    thank you maam

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  4. #4
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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    @ Jayanthi: As usual nice guidence from Jayanthi "maam"(though you insist me not to address you as madam, i feel its a matter of respect not only for your age but for your guidance, experience, concern towards others.)

    Dear Lakshmi,

    These are the usual things that is happening in most of the houses. People who feel inferior to us often boast about themselves because they want to hide their negatives. I have also seen such people but these kind of people are more in my side rather than my husband's side and i name them as empty-vessel because "empty vessel makes much noise". Dont take these things serious and the best thing is TO IGNORE. At the same time never end up with argument or rude replies. Just ignore and make them feel that you are neither interested nor bothered about their boasting.

    Gayathri ArunPrakash

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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by GayathriArun View Post
    @ Jayanthi: As usual nice guidence from Jayanthi "maam"(though you insist me not to address you as madam, i feel its a matter of respect not only for your age but for your guidance, experience, concern towards others.)

    Dear Lakshmi,

    These are the usual things that is happening in most of the houses. People who feel inferior to us often boast about themselves because they want to hide their negatives. I have also seen such people but these kind of people are more in my side rather than my husband's side and i name them as empty-vessel because "empty vessel makes much noise". Dont take these things serious and the best thing is TO IGNORE. At the same time never end up with argument or rude replies. Just ignore and make them feel that you are neither interested nor bothered about their boasting.

    ​Thanks for your compliments Gayathri.

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    Jayanthy





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    amnilakshmi is offline Newbie
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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    I have a question. Is it really important for us also to boast about ourselves at some other point ? Because i feel they take me for granted as they dont know anything about me. If i keep quiet they feel i am useless ....

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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    Quote Originally Posted by amnilakshmi View Post
    I have a question. Is it really important for us also to boast about ourselves at some other point ? Because i feel they take me for granted as they dont know anything about me. If i keep quiet they feel i am useless ....



    Not at all necessary Lakshmi.

    If a person behaves in a wrong way, we need not repeat the same with them.

    Instead, you just ignore their boasting words. Just show them, that you are not interested in their boasting words.

    When they boast about their property or something else, just tell them that this is common with many people, and these things need not be "TOM - TOM" ed to each and everybody.

    Tell them, that these are petty issues to be discussed and divert them to some interesting matters. When you do this, once or twice, they will not repeat it.

    You might feel that, they may go and tell others, that you are avoiding such talks, since you are not well to do as they are or something else.But please do not boast for these CHILDISH TALKS.


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    Jayanthy





  8. #8
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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    Hey amni,
    the main reason is complex for them... You are working , let me guess IT.. So obviously there is a chance to develop complex... Basica ungala parthu konjam bayapaduraanga athanala thaan naanga ippadiya .. Naanga ippadiya.. Appadinu sound vidraanga... If someone speaks about money property etc just ignore them.. Avunga level avvalavuthaan..appadinu poyite irunga... Neenga neriya panam vachi irkingala , vachukonga.. unga panam ennaku oru parukkai saaptukku kooda uthavaathu... so Avunga levelkku neenga irangi answer panna appuram ungalukkum avungalukkum en vithyasam...even your uncle(inlaw side) same complex.. Vera ethulayum ungala irakka mudiyaathu...athanaala etho oru matter... Neenga veetulaye samachi irundhaalum, they would have said its oily, salty etc like that..

    Just ignore and you keep on living your life..
    ithellam comedya eduthukonga... When they are bragging, enjoy the comedy in it and oru smile oda poyidunga.. Neenga react pannatha varaikkum neenga strong. If you react, you are letting your emotions out which is what they wanted...

    just now saw your previous posts... If those people are the ones who are affected by your previous behaviour then you have to accept the truth and should realise the pain you have created.. It will take time... Patience and a loads of patience is all what you need

    Last edited by nlakshmi; 31st Jan 2013 at 08:07 PM. Reason: Adding content
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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    If the words get out of hands or unbearable, yes..why do you care what someone think who is jealous of you.. You be true to yourself and your hubby understands you. How do you know that they feel iluseless.. They develop a complex if they are not getting any counter reactions... It makes them let go of their inner emotions and start uncontrollably but never loose youe cool...keep quiet is not letting go of your self respect, its just those things, arguments , defending etc is not worth it..
    Quote Originally Posted by amnilakshmi View Post
    I have a question. Is it really important for us also to boast about ourselves at some other point ? Because i feel they take me for granted as they dont know anything about me. If i keep quiet they feel i am useless ....


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    Re: How to handle ill treatment and statements of jealousy

    If you react, you are letting your emotions out which is what they wanted...

    Well said, Lakshmi! I want to keep this line in my mind and also want to follow it. Thanks.

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    Gayathri ArunPrakash

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