husband and mil
Discussions on "husband and mil" in "In-Laws" forum.
26th Feb 2015, 03:15 PM #1Newbie
- Join Date
- Feb 2015
husband and mil
i am married for 2 years. we are living in madurai with my mil. my husband is only son for his parents. he is having more respect and love on his mother because my mil grown him as a single parent. he loves me too. but when it comes to whether me or his mom, he listen his mom only. not at all try to listen from my side. i am not blaming my mil. she is very possessive about his son and she wants to show me her importance for my husband. sometimes my mil behaves very badly. i don't know she is doing like that. when my husband not in home, when he is office or out of the city for any official meetings or relatives function, she called him and started complaining about me that i am not working well, not caring for her, insulting her like that and all. but i am not that kind. i don't do any such things. even i didn't complained about my mil ever before. i don't discuss with husband about mil to create any bad impression. but she is doing like that. in such occasions my husband without asking anything from he started advicing me. or he will not talk to me well. what can i do. my husband or my mil, to whom i should talk about this. how to handle both of my husband and mil.
27th Feb 2015, 04:23 PM #2
Re: husband and mil
Welcome to Penmai....Gokila.
Sorry to note the behaviour of your MIL.
Yes....she is doing all these things only because, she feels her insecurity.
Since she has no one else to look after than your husband, she would feel as if your husband will incline towards you and will not take care of her.
May be any of her relatives , friends or neighbours would have cautioned her before your marriage, that she has to be more dominant over her son and the house activities, otherwise, the future DIL would take everything in her hand and leave your MIL as a destitute woman.
This might have registered strongly in her mind , that she is not able to change it even after 2 years of your marriage and noticing your good nature.
So, there is no use in talking or explaining these things to your MIL.
You don't open your mouth to her, when she is fighting with you. Just ignore her talks.
Continue with your household works , to remain calm and to divert your anger due to her scoldings.
When your husband is scolding or advising you, please don't interfere in between.
A little later (say after 5 or 10 min.) you can explain everything to him.
You can tell him that you are taking very good care of her even in his absence, since you are thinking her as your another mother.
And that you will never abuse her or complain about her or do any type of harm to her.
You can also tell that you don't know the reason for her complaints about her.
May be anyone would have told her about the insecurity of her after your marriage. But you will never be a bad or worst DIL and will always be her daughter only and not as a DIL.
And you can tell him that till now, you have not at all complained anything about her to him.
The last and final method for making him to believe is, tell him that you can record all the happenings or if he still doesn't believe you, he can install one CCTV at home to register the happenings.
If suppose, your husband starts believing you, he should never fight for this with his mother. You can suggest this to him and he can just say that he will look after this matter and nothing else to her.
And similarly, many MIL would be very possessive about their son, and they cannot come out of that even after years of his marriage.
So, whenever she wants to do works for him, just leave and don't interfere in it. You be doing all the other works.
You can also ask for the suggestions for all the cooking to be done daily.
For each and every big decision, you can ask her suggestion.
Present her with gifts then and there and for all the main festivals and few more occasions. Most of these presents can be selected by you , but should be given by your husband. You can gift a very few. This will gain a confidence in your husband that you are taking a very good care of her.
Take her also, to all the places wherever you go out. This will make her feel that she is not left out and given equal importance by her son. Here also, you may suggest your husband that your MIL should also accompany you.
Then and there, when your husband returns from his office, you can tell him in front of your MIL, that her preparations of any dish or any other activity of hers impressed you a lot and that you will learn each and everything from her. Also tell him that she is so much experienced and is guiding you and your husband very well in all the matters.
The same may be told then and there to all your relatives, friends and neighbours.
Never complain anything about her to any of these people.
Your only outlet should be your Mother and none else.
These talks (even though if you don't feel like, you should talk just to please her....there is no other go) will make , both your husband and MIl very happy and they will gain much confidence.
And another thing is if you give birth to a child, her attention would get diverted and these dominating character may change.
All the best.
Last edited by jv_66; 27th Feb 2015 at 04:27 PM.Jayanthy
உங்கள் குழந்தைகளைக் கண்காணியுங்கள்
5th Mar 2015, 04:04 PM #3
Re: husband and mil
hi gokila unga husband kitta than neenga pesanum. unga mil purinchakarathu kastam. athai vidavum neenga solli avanga athai yethukka mattanga.
so unga husbandkitta pesarathu than sari. neenga unga husband kooda thaniya irukkum pothu avarum nalla mood la irukkum pothu pesa aarambinga.
avaruku unga melaiyum piriyam irukku. enna ammava neengalanu varum pothu ammaku support panni pesaranga.
unmaiya solla pona avar ungaluku than avanga ammavai vida athika urimai kodukkiraru. neenga sonna purinchukkuveenga appadinkara oru thairiyathula than ungakita appadi pesidar.
yoshichu parunga. oru vela ungaluku support pannitu ungaloda mil samathanam panna mudiyuma. athan mathi seiyararu.
athanala avarkitta pesunga. neengale avarkita kelunga, nan eppavathu mil pathi complaint panni irukkana nu kelunga. avarukume puriyum.
appuram unga mil kita nera ithai pathi pesama maraimugama sollunga. avanga payanai avangalai pirichu kootitu poida matteengannu. avanga antha bayathula kooda ippadi ellam seiyalam.
avanga mela ungalukum akkarai irukkunnu puriya vaiunga. antha mathiri nadanthukonga. avangaloda koviluku ponga. shopping ponga. pidichathai samaichu kodunga avanga healthku thaguntha pola. pidichathai vangi koudnga. ellarum onna athika neram time spend pannunga. intha mathiri irukka pidichu irukkunnu open aa sollunga.
ippadi ellam nadanthukonga konja nalila sari aagiduvanga.