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Problem of mil


Discussions on "Problem of mil" in "In-Laws" forum.


  1. #1
    giri swetha is offline Newbie
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    Problem of mil


    Hi all
    I am just married for 5 months. I am continueing my job after marriage. So my husband is helping in home for some works. He cuts vegetable for me. At times he clean the vessels. Ironing cloths. But my mil donít like it. I am not asking for my husbandís help. My husband is doing it willingly for me. But my mil is scolding me for this. She thinks that I am forcing him to work. If I try to explain this to my mil, she is not ready to accept the fact. What can I do with my mil?

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  2. #2
    Amrudha's Avatar
    Amrudha is offline Friends's of Penmai
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    Re: Problem of mil

    Hi giri swetha

    God has blessed you with a very caring husband who does not see that there is a division for the upkeep of your house work. Ignore your mil's comments and just be cool. If you're trying to explain she doesnt listen because she has her own beliefs that its ladies job to do everything in the house..Infact the fact is also true, these are not accepted by many mils. Let her be.. You dont take anything into your mind.

    If you think that it will create any big issue in future, then speak politely to your husband clearly about this. Sometimes talks will solve most problems. Though the intentions of your Mil is good in Her own view, but not so abt you.. Then it is the responsibility of your husband to pacify the matter and he should make it clear to his mother.

    You seem like a nice person, so Just be happy! After all Sharing household chores is a key factor for a successful marriage. You got it right. Happy married life.

    Regards,

    Amru

  3. #3
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    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Problem of mil

    Welcome to Penmai.....Swetha.

    You are an absolutely blessed wife to have such a helping husband.

    அம்ருதா சரியா சொல்லி இருக்காங்க .

    நீங்க ஒண்ணு பண்ணலாம்.

    உங்க மாமியார் நல்ல happy mood ல இருக்கும்போது , உங்களை இது விஷயமா திட்டாம இருக்கும்போது , அவங்ககிட்ட ரொம்ப casualலா சொல்றது போல சொல்லுங்க .

    "அத்தை ...நீங்க உங்க பையனை ரொம்ப நல்லா வளர்த்து இருக்கீங்க ....பாருங்க யாருமே சொல்லாம , அவரே , தானே முன்வந்து , எனக்கு சமையல்ல ஹெல்ப் பண்றார் . இது மாதிரி எல்லாம் எல்லா husbandடும் செய்யறதில்ல ...அவங்க எல்லாம், wife கெஞ்சி கேட்டாதான் , அதுவும் கொஞ்சம் ஹெல்ப் தான் செய்வாங்களா இருக்கும் . அதனால ரொம்ப தேங்க்ஸ் அத்தை . உங்க வளர்ப்பு ரொம்ப நல்லா இருக்கு . நானும் , நாளைக்கு எனக்கு பையன் பொறந்தா , அவனை இது போலவே வளர்க்கப் போறேன் . அதுக்கும் நீங்கதான் ஹெல்ப் பண்ணனும் "

    அப்டின்னு ஒரே போடா போட்டுடுங்க .....உங்க மாமியார் அப்படியே உச்சி குளிர்ந்து போய்ட மாட்டாங்களா !!

    இதை உங்க husbandடும் பக்கத்துல இருக்கும்போதே கூட , இன்னொருமுறை சொல்லலாம் . (ஒருவேளை , அவங்க இப்படி சொல்லி வளர்க்கலைன்னாலும் , நீங்களும் உங்க husbandடும் தனியா இருக்கும்போது , அவருக்கு தேங்க் பண்ணிட்டு , உங்க அம்மாதான் இப்படி சின்ன வயசுலேர்ந்தே வளர்த்தாங்களா அப்டின்னு அவர்கிட்ட கேளுங்க , அவரு அதுக்கு இல்லைன்னு சொன்னாலும் , "பரவால்ல...நான் அத்தை கிட்ட அவங்களையே இதுக்கு praise பண்ணி சொல்றேன் . அவங்களும் சந்தோஷப்படுவாங்க இல்லையா , அப்போ நீங்க ஒண்ணும் மறுத்து சொல்லாதீங்க " அப்டின்னு சொன்னா , உங்க husbandக்கும் உங்க மேலே ஒரு நல்ல impression வரும் .

    உங்க close relatives வீட்டுக்கு வந்தாலும் , இதை அவங்க கிட்டயும் ஒரு முறை சொல்லுங்க (அந்த சமயத்துல கண்டிப்பா உங்க மாமியார் பக்கத்துல இருக்கணும் ).

    இதுக்கப்புறம் , அவங்க உங்களை, இதுவிஷயமா திட்டவே முடியாதே. மற்ற விஷயங்களுக்கும் உங்க மேலே ஒரு நல்ல impression வந்துடலாம் .

    Try this.

    Jayanthy





  4. #4
    RathideviDeva is offline Registered User
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    Re: Problem of mil

    Arumaiyaana advice Amrutha.
    Jayanthy sis your advice is good, but enna maari oru sila naattaamainga kitta workout aagaadhu. Ulagathule enakku kashtamaana vishayam oruthavangala thaaja panradhu, even if it is for good end result. My dad has also given me such advice. For some reason i have never been comfortable enacting that way. If our friend Swetha, can do this, well and good. Problems easily solved.
    My apologies, Jeyanthy sis, if my views are offensive.

    Last edited by RathideviDeva; 5th Mar 2015 at 10:48 AM.

  5. #5
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Problem of mil

    Quote Originally Posted by RathideviDeva View Post
    Arumaiyaana advice Amrutha.
    Jayanthy sis your advice is good, but enna maari oru sila naattaamainga kitta workout aagaadhu. Ulagathule enakku kashtamaana vishayam oruthavangala thaaja panradhu, even if it is for good end result. My dad has also given me such advice. For some reason i have never been comfortable enacting that way. If our friend Swetha, can do this, well and good. Problems easily solved.
    My apologies, Jeyanthy sis, if my views are offensive.

    No ma Rathi....you have told nothing wrong.

    Yes...I can understand. Even I am not of the type of buttering anybody, unnecessarily.

    But in this case, it might work, if Swetha could do this to her MIL. This might help few others also, if they could follow. That's why I suggested.

    From my experience, I have seen many mothers upbring their children only by scoldings & beatings to do or learn all the household works, I have found the children's frustration to do that work.

    This thought/experience made me to praise my son for each and every simple works (of course, I will not praise unnecessarily....if the work is not done perfectly, I would tell very softly to change the method). I follow the same to my hubby also.

    These praises works very well and my son does all the household works without any hesitation and frustration. But I have never found this with my husband earlier.

    And I always keep quiet for all the happenings with my in-laws. It is my nature not to open my mouth for anything and everything.

    But I used to praise my MIL from my heart (not for buttering her) for few qualities of her and I have seen her total satisfaction in her face.

    Jayanthy





  6. #6
    RathideviDeva is offline Registered User
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    Re: Problem of mil

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post
    No ma Rathi....you have told nothing wrong.

    Yes...I can understand. Even I am not of the type of buttering anybody, unnecessarily.

    But in this case, it might work, if Swetha could do this to her MIL. This might help few others also, if they could follow. That's why I suggested.

    From my experience, I have seen many mothers upbring their children only by scoldings & beatings to do or learn all the household works, I have found the children's frustration to do that work.

    This thought/experience made me to praise my son for each and every simple works (of course, I will not praise unnecessarily....if the work is not done perfectly, I would tell very softly to change the method). I follow the same to my hubby also.

    These praises works very well and my son does all the household works without any hesitation and frustration. But I have never found this with my husband earlier.

    And I always keep quiet for all the happenings with my in-laws. It is my nature not to open my mouth for anything and everything.

    But I used to praise my MIL from my heart (not for buttering her) for few qualities of her and I have seen her total satisfaction in her face.
    Jayanthy akka,
    I too praise if something is truly worth it. But i'm too shy to do this to all. I think i'm still in previous generation, i should change myself a little and come out of my safety cage, atleast for the happiness and well being of my kids.

    Unga azhagaana kudumbathukku achchaaniye neenga thaan.


  7. #7
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    Re: Problem of mil

    hi swetha, our friends suggested you very well. try to follow it. unga mil kita solli puriya vaikka mudiyathunna vittudunga. elders konjam purinchukarathu kastam.

    avanga thittum pothu silent ah irunga. ethuvum pathil pesatheenga. neenga pathil pesinalum arguement thanu ninaippanga. konja naal pona avangale thittarathai stop panniduvanga.

    Amrudha and RathideviDeva like this.

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