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  • 2 Post By bhrcm

Do I deserve second life


Discussions on "Do I deserve second life" in "Life without mate" forum.


  1. #1
    Diva1909 is offline Newbie
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    Post Do I deserve second life

    I am mom of two beautiful kids who make me complete with out husband, we are are not formally separated. My husband is abusive person who does not connect with me emotionally , it all about money and each time me pulls be i feel i am being raped. 14 years of life is all wasted other than having lovely kids. I am considering separation, my husband visit India once in a year and never bothered to take us with him. I need to be excellent maid from cum wife for him. I am at witts end, he is not ready to give divorce. from last 14 years i am in touch with my close friend who proposed me for marriage before i could get married for husband, due to parental pressure we had to get married to different person and moved on( He liked me and never into any relationship), all this year he being married use to support me and help me emotionally. He too got separated from his wife and he is stays in USA and even now he is asking if he can ask my parents for marriage. I am scared , i have two kids and i cannot accept new relationship though i respect him a lot and i feel incomplete without him. These days i started thinking about him a lot, even though we talk everyday we have never crossed out limit then talking about various issue. I am scared to think if i deserve one more life. he will keep me happy and we have know each other more than 15 years. He promised to be good father to my kids and he is too has one girl child. even after getting married many time he asked why my parents rejected him and me too. there was silly misunderstanding from both the parents. I feel being mother of 2 kids is all stopping me for second chance in life. My husband wants me to return all the money he spend for me and kids in last 14 years in return for divorce. What should I do..totally lost

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  2. #2
    bhrcm is offline Newbie
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    Bhargavi Raghupathy
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    Re: Do I deserve second life

    Hi @Diva1909,

    Getting seperated from your husband and getting remarried are two different things.

    From your description I am not able to make out how long you are living alone with kids, your husband being abroad. If its from the start of the marriage then its really a very long period and you better decide on next steps soon.

    For issues with your husband, first discuss with your husband on what is his expectations on you? Why he has not taken you and kids with him? In case he is in a country where it is not advised to have family along, then ask him to relocate to India or other countries where you can all be together.

    Tell him that you need his companionship to share your feeling/emotions and difficulties you face in bringing up kids alone.
    Emphasise that, for kids it is important that they have both their parents with them. I believe your kids might be in their early teens or about to enter their teens, in that age they surely need fathers guidance along with mothers affection. Issues/rifts between parents with affect kids mindset.
    If you all are together the problems with your husband might come down.

    In case you have already discussed these with your husband and still you see no sign of positive change then proceed on the way which you think is better for you.

    Its really good to know that your friend is ready to accept you and your kids in his life. But first decide about conitnuing on your married life or seperating from your husband. He asking for a financial settlement is just to put you off; if you can prove that he is abusive, he would end up having to pay alimony to you.

    At last, every one deserves to lead a happy life and change their path at any point of life until it does not affect others without justice.

    Best wishes for your future.

    ---Bhargavi

    jv_66 and gkarti like this.

  3. #3
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Jayanthy
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    Re: Do I deserve second life

    Hi @Diva1909

    Along with the suggestions of Bhargavi in the above post, you may follow the below suggestions too.


    If you had been talking about divorce for a longer time to your husband, then it is natural for him to avoid you . ie., this may be one of the reason for him not to visit you often or take you and children along with him, due to frustration.

    Once you got married to someone else then you should never have any close contact (even the intimate talks, though it may be about your feelings and nothing else) with the person whom was about to marry you or the one who was in love with you.

    This will surely create a rift in your current married life. You will start comparing between these two men, as it is in your case now.

    No Judge or Court will never accept your husband's demand of you returning his money and will surely reject it. Instead, it is his duty to give money as Alimony for you and your(his) children for their future, whichever the case may be.

    Now, coming to your current situation, you can ask your husband to live along with you and your children and forget the past happenings.

    As you have said, You should now worry about your children only.

    They must be in their teens now.

    This is a very important stage in their life in which they may not accept a New father all of a sudden. This change may affect their coming years. Even if they do not tell you openly, they may be affected mentally.

    So, my suggestion is take the help of your Parents and your In-laws to bring back your husband and live with you and children.

    If there is elder's intervention, the situation will surely change.

    If suppose (in the extreme case) you are able to find out that your husband is having another family in his place (this also might be one of the reason for him not to live with you) then you can immediately file for a divorce. For this please take the help of a suitable, good , preferably a Lady Lawyer. You can get the divorce through mutual consent and also in the Expartite method too. The lawyer may guide you suitably.

    Then you can make your children understand the current situation and ask their opinion about your marriage with your friend.

    We pray for your peaceful married life.

    Jayanthy



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