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married my uncle


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  1. #1
    rakalya1988 is offline Newbie
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    married my uncle

    hi iam akalya from tamilnadu india. i have three elder sisters and i am the last in my home. my father expired when i was 2 years old. my mothers family only looked on us. my mother having one brother who is only 5 years elder to my first sister. my eldest sister was married to my mom brother(uncle) itself. he only take care of us. he only provide money for our studies. the other two sisters marriage also done by him only. i also like my uncle very much. the problem is my first sister dont have child. my grandmother started crying. he is the only son in my mom family and if has no child means the property will goto someone. my uncle has lot of properties. after one year of discussion my mother told my grandma that to marry me to her brother. my sister also accepted. my mother came to me and told that she also worried about her brother, so she told me to marry him. my uncle came to me and told its your wish and we are not compelling you. after serious thoughts i agreed to marry him. life went on smoothly and i gave birth two daughters. there is no problem between me and sister. but now my sister gave birth to a son. my husband taking care so much of my sister. from there i got little complexion. he is also saying my son is the holder of his properties. one night i told him i want a son, so that he also get half of the property. but he told me one son is enough. i am fearing about my daughters.

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  2. #2
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    Re: married my uncle

    Hello Tamilnadu Akalya Ammaiyaar,
    Welcome to PENMAI.





    Pl wait, our friends will give reply 4 u.


    @rakalya1988



    Quote Originally Posted by rakalya1988 View Post
    hi iam akalya from tamilnadu india. i have three elder sisters and i am the last in my home. my father expired when i was 2 years old. my mothers family only looked on us. my mother having one brother who is only 5 years elder to my first sister. my eldest sister was married to my mom brother(uncle) itself. he only take care of us. he only provide money for our studies. the other two sisters marriage also done by him only. i also like my uncle very much. the problem is my first sister dont have child. my grandmother started crying. he is the only son in my mom family and if has no child means the property will goto someone. my uncle has lot of properties. after one year of discussion my mother told my grandma that to marry me to her brother. my sister also accepted. my mother came to me and told that she also worried about her brother, so she told me to marry him. my uncle came to me and told its your wish and we are not compelling you. after serious thoughts i agreed to marry him. life went on smoothly and i gave birth two daughters. there is no problem between me and sister. but now my sister gave birth to a son. my husband taking care so much of my sister. from there i got little complexion. he is also saying my son is the holder of his properties. one night i told him i want a son, so that he also get half of the property. but he told me one son is enough. i am fearing about my daughters.


    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails married my uncle-smileys-praying-742234.gif  
    Last edited by Sriramajayam; 12th Nov 2015 at 11:38 PM.
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  3. #3
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    Re: married my uncle

    Welcome to Penmai @rakalya1988

    This is what happens when two ladies marry a man .

    But please do not worry.

    Your husband is in his peak of excitement since his first wife has given birth to his child after so many long years, and that too a son.

    This is the only reason for his recent activities.

    Please bear in mind all the following :

    You should stop feeling jealousy towards your sister and her son.

    Your husband would have taken the similar care when you were pregnant and delivered his children. Your sister would also have felt in the similar way as you feel now.

    Though you are not his legal wife, your children are his legal children. He ought to take care of them all throughout the period till they become independent.

    He will surely take care of their studies, marriage and all the other necessities. What else do you want?

    He can never deny these legally to your daughters.

    When your daughters get married to a well to do person they may own that property.

    If your husband's property is an ancestral property, ie., if it is your grandfather earned property, then your daughters will also get some share of it by default.

    If the property is earned only by your husband , then it is his wish and will to give it to anybody he likes.

    So, please bear in mind that he will never leave your daughters in any circumstance.

    May be he might show more and more affection towards his son, since many fathers think their son as their heirs and who will take care of them in their old age along with this the last rites will also done by their son, so that they could go to sorgam.

    This may be the case, even if you have his son.

    How can you be sure that you could give birth to a son only when you get pregnant again? If it becomes another daughter , what will happen? You will again start grumbling and feel more jealous.

    So, it is safe for you and your children to stop giving birth to anymore children, since you are not his legal wife.

    Now, what you should do is, you should never show your jealousy towards your sister and her son.

    You should be affectionate towards all the members in the family.

    Never talk this kind of greedy talks (giving birth to a son) to your husband too. He will surely have a very bad opinion about you.

    Instead , win the hearts of all the members only through love and affection.

    By noticing your love and affection, your husband himself (your sister too) will buy more and more property on your name and your daughter's name.

    You can suggest your husband to buy some or other gold ornaments for your daughters' birthdays and keep it safe in bank lockers.

    But you should also suggest your husband to buy or deposit the same amount on your sister's son's birthday . Only then , they would feel that your are not discriminating the children.

    Also you can suggest your husband to buy some land on all the children's names and on your and your sister's name.

    Tell him that these may come in handy when it is necessary.

    If you show your jealousy or hatred towards your sister and her son, for sure, your husband will start hating you and your daughters.

    So, for God's sake, please do not do the above and be affectionate.

    Then you need not fear about your daughters' future.


    Jayanthy





  4. #4
    rakalya1988 is offline Newbie
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    Re: married my uncle

    thanks sister for ur reply. i got a promise from my uncle that he should take care of me more than my sister. he should obey my words rather than my sister, he also agreed. my mother grandma and my sister all told u r the queen to this home when i gave birth the first daughter. so now i cant tollerate that he gives importance to my sisters son. yes i agree with u sister i planned to get more jewels for my daughters.


  5. #5
    rakalya1988 is offline Newbie
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    Re: married my uncle

    actually u all may say that you are selfish. but think in my situation. i am compelled by my sister my grandma and my mother for the sake of child for my uncle. so i am depressed to live as a second wife. so i planned not live as a second wife and so only i got promise. after marry him i lived as a normal wife, i went with him where i wish. till now he obeys me. but i got a little jerk.


  6. #6
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    Re: married my uncle

    I'm sorry to say this.... Possessiveness might kill the peace and happiness of the family, in the long run. Also your expectation, though valid in your view, is too high, to be satisfied for a long time. I dont mean that you are selfish, but your insecured feeling is blocking you from thinking beyond your needs. Lowering your expectation, and trusting your husband and sister, is the only way you can have a smooth running of the family.

    Best wishes sister.

    Last edited by RathideviDeva; 14th Nov 2015 at 10:29 PM.

  7. #7
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    Re: married my uncle

    Quote Originally Posted by RathideviDeva View Post
    I'm sorry to say this.... Possessiveness might kill the peace and happiness of the family, in the long run. Also your expectation, though valid in your view, is too high, to be satisfied for a long time. I dont mean that you are selfish, but your insecured feeling is blocking you from thinking beyond your needs. Lowering your expectation, and trusting your husband and sister, is the only way you can have a smooth running of the family.

    Best wishes sister.

    Very well said Rathi

    RathideviDeva likes this.
    Jayanthy





  8. #8
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    Re: married my uncle

    Quote Originally Posted by rakalya1988 View Post
    thanks sister for ur reply. i got a promise from my uncle that he should take care of me more than my sister. he should obey my words rather than my sister, he also agreed. my mother grandma and my sister all told u r the queen to this home when i gave birth the first daughter. so now i cant tollerate that he gives importance to my sisters son. yes i agree with u sister i planned to get more jewels for my daughters.
    Quote Originally Posted by rakalya1988 View Post
    actually u all may say that you are selfish. but think in my situation. i am compelled by my sister my grandma and my mother for the sake of child for my uncle. so i am depressed to live as a second wife. so i planned not live as a second wife and so only i got promise. after marry him i lived as a normal wife, i went with him where i wish. till now he obeys me. but i got a little jerk.

    No @rakalya1988


    This attitude still looks very childish.

    தயவுசெய்து தவறா நினைக்காதீங்க . உங்களுக்கு இன்னும் வாழ்க்கையைப் பற்றி நல்லா புரியலை என்கிறதால இதெல்லாம் சொல்றேன் .

    ஒண்ணை நீங்க புரிஞ்சுக்கணும் மா . உங்களைச் சுற்றி இருப்பவங்க எல்லாரும் உங்களோட மிக நெருங்கின சொந்தம் தான் . வேறு யாரோ இல்லை .

    நீங்க கல்யாணம் ஆன புதுசுல , உங்க மனசுல ரொம்பவும் பயம் , தயக்கம் , இரண்டாவது மனைவியா போறோமே என்கிற கோபம் எல்லாம் சேர்ந்து நீங்க இந்த மாதிரி இவ்வளோ நாட்களா நடந்துட்டு இருக்கலாம் .

    ஆனா இப்போ நீங்க இரண்டு குழந்தைகளை பெற்று வளர்த்துக் கொண்டிருக்கும் ஒரு தாய் .

    முன்னைக்கு இப்போ உங்களுக்கு நல்ல ஒரு மெச்சூரிட்டி வந்திருக்கணும் .

    இன்னும் குழந்தைத்தனமா நடந்துட்டு இருக்கக் கூடாது .

    உங்களோட மத்த ரெண்டு அக்காக்களையும் நல்ல ஒரு அக்கறையும் பொறுப்போடவும் தானே உங்க கணவர் கல்யாணம் எல்லாம் செய்து கொடுத்து இருக்கார் . அதே போல தான் பெற்ற பெண்களையும் , தன்னோட மனைவிகளையும் நிச்சயம் அதே அக்கறையோட தான் பார்த்துப்பார் .

    உங்க அக்காவும் , உங்களையும் தன்னோட ஒரு மகள் போலத்தான் இதுவரையும் , இனிமேலும் பார்த்துப்பாங்க .

    இதையெல்லாம் நீங்க நம்பணும்.

    எப்பவும் தன்னைச் சுற்றியுள்ளவங்களோட போட்டி , பொறாமை , possessiveness இவைகளோடவே வாழ்க்கையை நடத்திட முடியாது .

    இதனால நீங்க எதையுமே சாதிக்க முடியாது .

    இதனால உடனே நீங்க கொஞ்சம் கொஞ்சமா உங்க எண்ணங்களை மாற்றிக்கொண்டு, எல்லாரோடவும் அன்பாக மட்டுமே பழகி எல்லாரையும் உங்க பக்கம் இழுக்கப் பார்க்கணும் .

    அன்புக்கு மட்டுமே இது சாத்தியம் .

    செய்துதான் பாருங்களேன் .உங்களுக்கும் எவ்வளோ மனநிம்மதி கிடைக்குதுன்னு.

    இப்படி இருந்தாலும் , உங்களுக்கான உரிமை , முன்னுரிமை எல்லாமே தானாவே கிடைக்கும் . மிரட்டி , வெறுப்பு காமிச்சு எல்லாம் வாங்கினா அதெல்லாம் நிலைக்காது .

    நீங்க ரொம்ப பயப்படுறீங்க என்ற எண்ணத்தில் மட்டுமே , உங்க பெண்களுக்கு அவ்வப்போது நகைகள் வாங்கிக்கொள்ளுமாறு சொன்னேன் . அதோடு கூடவே உங்க அக்கா பையனுக்கும் மறக்காம வாங்கச் சொன்னேன் . இதையெல்லாம் உங்க எண்ணங்களுக்கு சாதகமா நீங்க எடுத்துக்கக் கூடாது .

    RathideviDeva likes this.
    Jayanthy





  9. #9
    joeroot9357 is offline Newbie
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    Re: married my uncle

    But that is really strange scenario i fear if that really happens with others

    .

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