Edging out the ex blues

Dealing with heartbreaks is never easy.

Especially since it means getting over the person who at one point, was an important part of your life, someone you really cared about and who mattered to you. Moving on with life may be the ideal thing to do after a break-up, but it's certainly easier said than done.

Over and out?
The sad part is, even after claiming that you are finally over it, can you really let bygones be bygones? Does your heart still skip a beat every time you spot your ex? Whether it's living in denial or not being able to let go, getting over break ups take time and a lot more than just making up your mind to do so.

Manish K, a media person, shares, "I was sure in my head that my year-long relationship with my girlfriend was over, yet for months I couldn't stop thinking of 'us'. It took quite some time for me to really recover, and realise that it was over." Manish is not alone, there are several like him who continue to nurture feelings for their ex.

Need for a closure:
Psychiatrist Dr Seema Hingorrany says, "People get perturbed, and don't know how to reach a proper closure for their relationship. There is a need to have an amazing amount of maturity and discretion to handle this. Ideally, the couple should have a proper meeting in the presence of a common friend or a relative, and come to a proper closure mutually."

Stop clinging on:
Clinging on to the past can make one bitter and depressed, and in turn lead to many psychological problems, say experts. "My ex had posted some really unpleasant things about me on her social networking site. That really hurt. I never knew that she could be so spiteful," revealed a young businessman on conditions of anonymity.

"Sometimes there is a grudge or a certain anger that one feels towards an ex, and that invariably leads to indulging in backbiting and malicious gossip. Nowadays, people often post nasty things on social networking sites to inflict hurt on their ex," explains Hingorrany.

Healthy memory of the good old days:
However, it is quite normal, say experts, to look back and remember a former love fondly, even longingly, from time to time. As long as one remembers the good old days in a healthy way, it is fine.

"When I broke off, I first made sure that I avoided even thinking about my ex. But then came a time when I could think of him in a remote way, and not let earlier memories bother me. Now all that I have is a healthy memory of the relationship we once shared," shares Shraddha Gupta, a post-graduate student.

You know you are over him when:

Your heart isn't racing, and you aren't flushed, nervous or unreasonably happy when you see your ex.

You feel indifferent, and/or react the same way on running into an old friend.

You say a cheery 'Hi' when you run into your ex, and his/ her new partner.

You have stopped feeling the need to share every little exciting thing that happens in your life, with your ex.

You do not feel that you need your ex's support every time something bad happens to you.

You picture someone who does not remotely resemble your ex, when you dream of a perfect date.

You stop trying to find ways to include your ex's name in all your conversations.

You don't think of your ex, every time someone calls out his name or you read the name somewhere.

You stop checking your ex's horoscope every time you read yours.

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