The beauty in each other

Good relationships are one of our basic psychological needs. They are not just pleasurable but give life a new meaning. They are vital for our well being. For it is in the shelter of each other that people live, says an old Irish proverb.

But sometimes do you feel your relationships are turning sour? Do you feel bitter and a sense of resentment now and then towards those around you? Then take comfort. You are not alone. Bad patches are common in all relationships.

However maintaining friendship, peace and harmony poses a greater challenge these days than before. For the scope of relationships has expanded and widened today. In the past our world was limited and so too our relationships. Close associations were mainly confined within the home - among family members and a few friends. But today with changes in life styles and society our connections and involvements keep growing. Now apart from neighbours and friends, colleagues with whom we spend a major chunk of the day have an effect over our mood and morale. Commitments to societies, groups, organisations etc also require our active participation. Besides the information revolution and globalisation have changed not just the economy but society too and our dealings with the outside world. We thus live today in a universe where our interaction with the world is at its peak. More associations are synonymous not just with more acquaintances and ties but more compromises, adjustments and friction. Pleasing one sometimes hurts the other.

Keeping up good relationships thus requires maturity, tact, diplomacy and patience.

Here are a few tips from experts to pep up relationships.

Be friends

It is important to become a friend first, to all your loved ones, before becoming a husband, wife, fiancé, father or mother.

For only the love and warmth in a true and sincere friendship nourishes a relationship. Differences are inevitable in all relationships. But accept and celebrate the differences instead of pushing and imposing your ideas, thoughts and beliefs to others. Each personality is unique. So never try to change anyone into your replica. Nobody, not even your spouse, wishes to be your duplicate. Be nice, friendly and helpful. But be yourself. Never try to impersonate or change your individual personality to appease or please others. Such tactics don't last and your artificiality shall surface before long.

Never extend a fight

Fights and friction occur not just among humans but among all living beings. Two heads don't think alike and flare ups surface from time to time. But choose your battles wisely. Never pick a quarrel for minor reasons. Make sure whether the fight will be worth it. Fight with an aim to resolve issues that cause conflict. Never extend a fight or squabble. For the longer it lasts there are more chances of digging up and recycling old issues and hurting each other. There is no perfect person. Nobody, not even you are flawless. So don't expect anybody or any relationship to be perfect. Never hold grudges. They not just endanger but kill relationships.

Be prepared for jolts and tremors in all relationships. You may have known somebody for years, but a new aspect of a friend or relative can surface and catch you unaware. Listen and spend time together, but also give each other space. Never encroach.

Say thanks, say sorry

Say sorry. Accept your fault. This strengthens an existing bond. Say thanks. Always appreciate and compliment one another. This makes nobody feel that they are taken for granted. Emotions are universal. It is not just you who feels pain, hurt, insult etc. So be sensitive to the feelings of others. Never criticise or be sarcastic. Being good instils self respect which in turn gives one confidence and wisdom to tackle life and relationships.

courtesy Hemjit Bharathan

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