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How to run a smooth family


Discussions on "How to run a smooth family" in "Married Life" forum.


  1. #61
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    Re: How to run a smooth family


    Now, let us go to the next stage.

    When you get PREGNANT, you can listen to your MIL's and your mother 's views also, though they may be little old and some superstitious beliefs.

    If they seem to be serious, you may consult your doctor, and tell your MIL that, now a days, these could be avoided. If necessary, your husband can tell his mother about this.

    Indeed, many old customs, help us , in these days also. We need not avoid them totally.

    Like, not going out in the nights,when you are pregnant, taking pathiya saapadu and legiyam after delivery , using payathamaavu for bathing the child, using vasambu for the infant, using castor oil with vethalai.....etc., can be followed always.

    But doctors do not prefer these, and girls now a days....are following them.

    I have found many MILs who are unsatisfied with their DIL, mainly , for, not following their advises during pregnancy.

    You may just avoid this frustration.



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  2. #62
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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    During the upbringing of your child, again you may face many many hindrances from your in-laws.

    They might insist their way of upbringing the child.

    Please listen to whatever they say. Do not argue with them.

    You can come to a conclusion , about their upbringing, by noticing their children's (your husband and his siblings) activities.

    You may take the good suggestions and just ignore the others. Please do not reveal the ignored ones. When you follow their good suggestions, PLEASE PRAISE THEM FOR THIS. With this activity, your ignored views (of theirs) will not come to light.


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  3. #63
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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    Really you are superb lakshmi mam. your points are crystal clear.

    //One key tip to the wives is, Always underplay your intelligence when it comes to your family//

    //you were treated as princess in your parents family.. Remember princess doesnot have any responsibilties.. but in your husbands family you will be the queen of the family... Queen does have umpteen responsibilities..//

    love these points a lot. your advice is very very helpful for the persons like me. thank you so much

    Quote Originally Posted by nlakshmi View Post
    Its a good thread Jayanthy
    As you said, The problem today is adjustment..Because, before marriage the boy or the girl are the Prince/princess of the Parents family... But when they get married the girl has to enter in to the new world where the boy still is the prince and the girl feel lost... Its in the husband's hand to make the wife as the princess here too.. Like wise the girl has to adjust with new people too. Everybody can ask why always girl has to adjust.. lets go as a nuclear family... but Whether you go seperate or not.. adjusting with inlaws has to be always maintained... All are different people with different personalities...Maintain a diplomatic relationship with no hussles or tussles...

    Between husband and wife... You both are two different individuals.. You come together in life because you like something in either of you.. Hold that tight... If you hold that tight, the other petty silly fights will not be a matter at all..One of the spouses being it husband or wife(depends upon family) has to be under or just pretend to be under theother... Udane dont think as slaves..
    There should not be any ego between spouses.. There should not be shy in discussing the romance moments... One key tip to the wives is, Always underplay your intelligence when it comes to your family... Ofcourse you may be intelligent and be on par with your husband and also may be higher but when it comes to the family, always underplay it.. Why, because Men have a leadership mentality but when they go for work, they have to be under all other leadership and stress and discussion and arguments which really hurts their ego. They have to vent their feelings somewhere.. But when he comes to the family and when you make him feel like he is the head of the family, then the male ego gets satisfied a lot. This is the main trick to lead a happy family.. It doesnot mean that you have to be a dumb wife.. You should know when to stress your thought..

    To the wives, Never talk about your parents family with your husband...or your inlaws, like.." Enga amma veetula.. enaku ithu seivanga.. naan ellam velaiye senjathu illa... ". Keep this in mind.. That not your family... Thats your parents family... you were treated as princess in your parents family.. Remember princess doesnot have any responsibilties.. but in your husbands family you will be the queen of the family... Queen does have umpteen responsibilities.. You should ready to take up..

    And with the MIL.. She has been running the family for 30+ years.. she knows the nuances of her family, the financial situation of her family (that includes your husbands too..) So As soon as you enter your husbands family.. dont even think of getting the power of your MIL's hands.. She is a experienced person. She is just like your mom.. Try to win over her..Try to learn family members personalities from her including hers. Admire her for the work she has given to that family all these years and try to learn how she did it.. Remember always if you think that your husband is sweet,caring, responsbile etc etc person.. its all because of her.. Her brought up to be responsible person got you your dream husband.. So for that you should be very thankful...

    Women is the driving force of the family.. So with no ego and only with loving and caring as the lubricant...you can ride the family bus smoothly with as much passangers in it...


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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post
    When you, first, talk to your husband, let it be the positive things about you, and you can insist the same from him. Later, you can share your dislikes about various things.

    First, make up your mind , before marriage, that at least for 1 month after marriage, you are not going to talk anything against your husband and in -laws.

    Later,little by little, you will come to know about them, their likes and dislikes, and you will get accustomed as how to face them in various situations.

    Always, have in mind, that your husband is your first friend. So, you can share all your views without hesitation. But let this happen at least after 1 month of your marriage, since, during this time, you both will come to know about each other.
    Very good point mam... thank you.

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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post

    Next, coming to the MIL, she is the first person, whose affection should be earned by you.

    Never talk against her views. Right from the next day of your marriage, you can roam behind her, offering your help to her in cooking and other house hold works.

    Even if you are good at cooking before marriage, better ask your MIL, "Athai.....idhai namma veetla endha vidhama seyyalaam......ellarukum uppu, kaaram, sarkarai idhellam endha alavu podalaam".

    Even after many years of marriage, when you consult your MIL, for each and everything, you can easily enter into her GOOD BOOKS.

    She will certainly defend you in all the circumstances.
    superb mam. all are simple things, but that makes to get love and affection from mil. timely helping topic for me mam. thank you so much each of you.

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  6. #66
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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    Quote Originally Posted by devsakthi View Post
    Very good point mam... thank you.

    ​Thanks Devshakthi

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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    Quote Originally Posted by nlakshmi View Post
    Thanks jeyanthy, rajeswari, yamunan...

    Yamunan.. ha ha ha.. problems varathamaathri vittu kuduthu adjust panni married lifea enjoy pannunga.. Remember, in a family there is no win or loss.. Only in family, you can win by loosing.. All the best...
    Only in family, you can win by loosing

    What a lovely rule for leading a life with peace and happy... Really i love your replies mam.

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  8. #68
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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    Thanks alot for your valuable notes mam... points notes.


    Quote Originally Posted by GayathriArun View Post
    First, thanks to Jayanthi for starting such an useful topic which every woman needs guidance at some point. Then once again thanks to Jayanthi and Lakshmi for very useful siggestions to lead a happy family.

    Let me share my views too,

    In the beginning we need to talk less, this is where i missed, in another thread jayanthi and someone else (i dont remember the name) said that they were very silent in the beginning which helped them a lot. So this is practically true to be quiet until we win everyone's heart.

    Then we need to have lots of patience and should never end up in any argument because we need to stay connected with this family throughout our life so arguing will definetely lead to the other side. Though what we do is right we need not argue or talk back to prove our side, patience will automatically show that we are right at one point of time definitely.

    While maintaing the distance with sister in laws, never have any ego and appreciate their dressing, beauty, hairstyle and all other positive aspects from the heart. This might be a simple trick but does wonders. Your sister in laws will be in your pocket.

    Mother in law - show lots of respect, show your love whenever you get a chance. Always remember that only because of her you have got a husband to die for. Show off that you ask for her guidance in everything. Do everything after discussing with her. Same thing is okay for father in law. Now both MIL and FIL will be in your pocket.

    I dont have anything to say "how to pocket the husband" because every one knows it well. Almost every girl might have locked her man in her heart and have lost the key, with a mere cellular phone, even in arranged marriage.


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  9. #69
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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    super duper advice mam...

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post

    Coming to your SIL and co-sister, you can be friendly with them.But keep a little distance .

    You cannot think them as your own sisters, in sharing all your views.

    As Gayathri has said, you can praise their dressing, beauty and other things, and this is enough. Don't try to give any advises to them. If something is to be given, tell them, that her brother (your husband) has told this idea.

    Never forget to do all the duties to be done for them.

    Whenever you buy a dress or any costumes, you can buy for them also, thus winning their hearts.

    And when you give any money on any occasions, to any of your in-laws, priorotise your husband, ie., you should never give the money directly. If it is your MIL and FIL, ask your husband to give the money. They will never like to get the money from you.

    If it is your SIL or BIL, either your husband can give them or you can tell them that this money was asked to give by your husband, when you happened to give.


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  10. #70
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    Re: How to run a smooth family

    Giving space to all the family members - some wome never think of this . one my cousin always troubles due to this problem. my aunty also adviced her alot, but she is not understanding. she always stands in her point. I will try to make her to read all your advice. If she read and understands the secrets of happy married life, i wil be very happy.

    Quote Originally Posted by nlakshmi View Post
    One of the main key is.. Giving space to all the family members. .. After marriage also your husband is still his mother's son, his sisters brothers and his father's son. So when your MIL and his son(your husband) are spending some quality time either for a drive like temple, restaurant or just talking in the house.. Just give the space... You can finish your other work in that time... by leaving them alone.. IF your MIL want to feed his son..(ooti viduratu).. or serve food to her son during lunch or etc.. Just leave her to do it.. Thats her insecurity thats showing... It will subside in a very short time...when she feels secure.. Of course as a NEW wife, you will have that small desire to do all the things for your husband, but if you think your MIL in a positive way, then you cannot see her as your MIL but you can see her as Only a Mother who is trying very hard to let go of his son... Thats a Mother's feeling.. Think that you will also feel the same way when you have your kids..So you developing a small grudge will stop in the very beginning... Just give the time.. Dont ask immediately, that why the girl is also leaving her mother and family .. but that how girls are designed... they are multi taskers but boys are not... Girls can handle and make herself comfortable in any situation ....

    So giving space is the important thing...

    and one more... eppayume whether you are at home or talking through phone to your inlaws.. saaptingala nu oru vaarthai kelunga... it really does magic...



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