suggestions on 2nd marriage
Discussions on "suggestions on 2nd marriage" in "Married Life" forum.
29th Jan 2013, 07:54 PM #1Newbie
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
suggestions on 2nd marriage
hi friends i am here to get valuable suggestion from you all. Your answers give me a solutions to my hectic life.
here is my story... i am working in a popular IT concern, i was married before 1 1/2 year to a boy who is also working in the same field. mine was completely arranged marriage. Life starts hectic from the day one, he was fully amma and appa boy (paiyan). he fully listens to their words only and used me fully. he got house loans and other personal loans in my name and also pledged all my jewels and got money from that and used for his own purpose. I was adjusted, since i thought them as my family. But they tortured me by their words and in all the daily activities. I came to know that they need my salary and work alone not me... They putted all the family burden on me and they stayed cool and enjoyed their time..
we don't have child. he went to onsite work for 6 months. after that my mil and fil tortured me a lot.. and my husband also avoid talks with me thru phone.. whenever i bring to his notice, he is saying that "My parents won't commit mistakes like this... you are the one created the problem etc.. etc.."
one day i came home after finishing my half night shift, my fil gave me sweet which he bought. I said that i will eat it next morning and went to sleep since it was untime..
but my fil complained this to my husband and my husband take me out from bedroom to hall and asked me to eat it now itself. this was just an example.. many things happened like this.. after a long struggle i explained all the things to my family and got separated got divorced.
He didn't even feel for getting divorced..
my parents are feeling so sad of my married life and advising me to marry another guy of my choice, but i don't have interest in marriage. infact i was afraid to get marry again..
i was totally confused to take decision in this. help me to get a right solution for my problem?
30th Jan 2013, 01:01 AM #2
Re: suggestions on 2nd marriage
A divorce can have serious negative psychological effects on your mind, and in most cases it leaves the feeling completely disheartened but at the end of the day it is just a relationship that didn’t work out. Do not let one failed relationship blight the rest of your life. No point in discussing about your ex husband and inlaws now because you are already divorced and its an issue to forget. Try to think objectively about the situation and put that chapter of your life behind you and move on.
Indian society being what it is, the majority of the blame for the divorce naturally tends to attach to the woman. A divorce can leave you feeling crushed and with no self esteem to speak of, but you need to be able to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.
In Life there are situations totally beyond one's control. After getting out of the despair at the earliest, one should practice to get out of the memories and reconstruct life with the new situation as early as possible.
In your case you should get married at the earliest. All the initial sympathy that you get now may vanish little by little as every one has their own priorities. Marrying a person who is in similar situation may help mutual understanding , and will prevent any one sided inhibitions. A thorough enquiry of the person should be done by parents, friends or relatives. Try to be explicit in any doubts and get it clarified.It is better to be clear and unwavering in such matters.There need not be negative thoughts, banish past from thoughts. Make realistic assessment and adjustments. Getting remarried will make your parents also worry free.
Indulge in activities at which you once excelled will help you rebuild your lost esteem and will help you believe in yourself again. Looking good means feeling good. Maybe the stress of your divorce has added to your waistline, or shows on your skin. Make that woman looking back at you from the mirror as gorgeous as she used to be.
Before jumping headlong into a new relationship, figure out your needs and expectations. It is better to emphasise on security and companionship in a new relationship. Make sure that the guy is serious about his feelings for you and not just looking for a physical fling.
One thing should be accepted that being alone for whole life from such a young age is impossible and not good as per the feelings of such an young lady. Being divorced till the end and working in this polluted society is dangerous and harmful to you. You have to re marry now at this early age to the person who respects you and treats you well. If you are in a dilemma that the person would not take care of you then you can remain as single for some while and when you meet any person opt then you can marry that right person.
It is not as easy as it appears for a woman to lead the whole life without a man in her life. You are young and you have a long way to go. It should be remembered that the help you are getting from various quarters due to sympathy will fade away with time and you will then be left alone in this world. So, it is advisable that you get married soon. You should prepare yourself mentally to accept a new man in your life and should be able to adjust with the differences. You should go for a man who is ready to accept you without any conditions. It is better to look for someone who is in a similar situation because that will help the spouses in understanding each other better. Priority should be given to a person whom you think will take care of you. Future is non predictable in any case and so it is better not to worry much in that count. You can find some very good people also who are broad minded. You can also post your profile in matrimonial. All interested people might contact. You can select the best among them. Take time to talk with the person before the marriage. Give at least 2 to 3 months time to get acquainted for both of you. Later if you are interested you can marry. Tell all your preferences before marriage. Let your communication process be transparent. This will ensure good life for you after your marriage!
All will be well. Best Wishes.
4th Feb 2013, 03:53 PM #3Newbie
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
Re: suggestions on 2nd marriage
Hi my dear,
I am suggesting you to go in for a second marriage. In this society all the people will blame only the women if they are going in for divorce or re-marriage. But you just walk ahead. You know one of my friend was a divorcee she suffered with a wrong partner. She got divorced and now she married a divorcee and living a peaceful life. Before marriage she spoke to her husband and they understood each other so you choose a right person and discuss with him about your financial situation. This time be double cautious in choosing a person.