Sponsored Links
Sponsored Links
Penmai eMagazine December! | All Issues

User Tag List

Like Tree19Likes
  • 4 Post By coolbaby
  • 5 Post By jv_66
  • 5 Post By gowrymohan
  • 3 Post By nlakshmi
  • 1 Post By sumitra
  • 1 Post By GayathriArun

restriction to work after marriage


Discussions on "restriction to work after marriage" in "Married Life" forum.


  1. #1
    coolbaby is offline Newbie
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Velur
    Posts
    1

    restriction to work after marriage

    hi. i am in a need to get valid advice from you. actually i want to know whether i am wrong or my hubby and in-laws.

    i got married before 6 months, it was an arranged marriage. I am in IT professional. after our engagement we talked over phone like others. he too talked smart and didnt say anything about my work after marriage. I asked him for his opinion on working after marriage before our engagement itself. He told me that he dont have any objection for that and he assured that there wouldnt be any restrictions from my parents. I was satisfied with his reply and said ok for marriage. but 2 month after marriage every thing changed. now my mil and sil are forcing to quiet my job and to be a good house wife. that oly will suit for the family. my hubby also not even saying any word against them and not even supporting me. his actions are reflecting his thoughts. he too want the same from me.

    i asked with my hubby personally regarding this. he said that he couldnt convince their parents. so it would be better if i quiet my job. i asked him many times, actualy what is the prob if i go for work? but he didnt even reply my query still. in the last 4 months i lost my patience and getting irritated of their behaviours. I lost happiness and mind peace.

    pls tel what should i do now? i need to be quiet my job? or shall i convince them?

    Similar Threads:

    Sponsored Links
    jv_66, gowrymohan, sumitra and 1 others like this.

  2. #2
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
    Real Name
    Jayanthy
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Bangalore
    Posts
    31,985

    Re: restriction to work after marriage


    Welcome to Penmai, Cool baby

    Please do not worry over this issue. There are solutions.

    Once, when your husband doesn't support your idea of continuing your job,you can now directly deal with your MIL.

    Please do not argue with her. Ask her, in a soft manner, about, what is troubling them, if you continue your job.

    You can assure her that you will finish most of the house hold works like cooking, and other urgent works before going to the job.

    Washing clothes(in washing machine), cleaning can be done either in the night time or any convenient time.

    Assure her, that you will take good care of them at all times.

    You can also tell her that you can take leave on important occasions.


    Nowadays, WORKING FROM HOME is also allowed in many
    IT companies.And you can utilize this facility, so that you need not stay late nights.

    Generally, MILs are worried only about these issues.

    You can also tell her that your family (you and hubby along with inlaws) can be financially sound, if you continue your job.

    Please do not argue with any of them and do not tell them that you need financial independence and security.

    You may also assure them, that after your child birth, you may leave the job, if necessary.

    And
    please do maintain your assurances.


    Jayanthy





  3. #3
    gowrymohan's Avatar
    gowrymohan is offline Registered User
    Blogger
    Ruler's of Penmai
    Real Name
    Gowry Shanmuganathan
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Sri Lanka
    Posts
    13,960
    Blog Entries
    380

    Re: restriction to work after marriage

    Hi Cool baby,

    Jeyanthy beautifully covered most of the sides.

    I am also like to give you some ideas.

    After talking with your mil, you think about the mistakes with you.

    You may,
    take office work to home.
    always talking about office matters/friends.
    spending more time with your mobile.
    leave office late.

    So please avoid the above matters.

    Ask mil some time to proof yourself.

    Find the interest of mil & sil and give them advices and encouragement. Keep their mind occupied with those things.

    Make plans with them to go outing when you have time.

    Cool baby do not worry about these things.
    You will successfully overcome from this situation.
    Be happy and make others also happy.
    Whatever problems at home be with pleasant.
    Do not seem to be long faced.
    Give and Get Love.


    அன்புடன் கௌரி.


    "உன்னால் சாதிக்க இயலாத காரியம் என்று எதுவும் இருப்பதாக ஒருபோதும் நினைக்காதே!" - விவேகானந்தர்


    எனது கவிதை மொட்டுகள்




  4. #4
    nlakshmi's Avatar
    nlakshmi is offline Minister's of Penmai
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    US
    Posts
    2,787
    Blog Entries
    11

    Re: restriction to work after marriage

    There may be many reasons,
    First, they are finding hard time to adapt a DIL goingout for work when they(MIL&SIL) are at home.. They wouldnot have thought the reality in it, them doing all the work after the arrival of DI L... So they are going in a indirect way of taking care of his son. If you be a housewife then you will spend all the time thinking about him like they did. This is their opinion. Opinion differs. You said its only six months since you got married and having opinion differences for 4 months. First inorder to rule out the indifferences spend more time at home after work. Talk to your husband with out any negative mindset and gradually know the reason. Arguing will never work inany marital relationship. If you want to win you have to underplay.. Gradually make him to talk what is his eating him. Tell him that you will feel lost without working and be in a boredom coz, not all housewife will be a good wife if depression hits and that too when they are forced to quit job just to take care of the husband.. This will only develop grudge on the husband, and inlaws. This is todays mindset.And also you have to leave the job at office and be a full fledged DIL and wife in the house.. Ofcourse it will be harder after getting pampered in your mothers house before marriage and suddenly the reality of a married women hits your face along with the pressure of the job.. So its normal... you have to learn to time manage and share your time in a good way . Kavalapadrathunaalayo, erichal padurathunaalayo, edhuvume aagathu... eppadi situationa handle pannanumnu paarunga.. MIL and SIL kitta evvalavu normala pogamudiyumo ponga... neenga unga mudiva solrathukku munnadi avunga enna solla varaanganu enna reasons nu kelunga..appadi keatum avunga sollalana.. vera ethavathu silly reasons thaan irukum... so unga MIL la unga ammava eppadi handle pannuvingalo appadi handle pannunga.. Ofcourse ungalukku kovama thaan irukumm.. avunga munnadi appadi sonnanga. ippo maathi pesuraanga.. appadi ippadinu. but being a wife that too working wife and that too in a jointfamily as a working wife is not a easy job... konjam arambathula kashtama thaan irukum but neenga ungala avunga familyla evvalavu involve panni kiringalao avvalavu unga +.


  5. #5
    sumitra's Avatar
    sumitra is offline Registered User
    Blogger
    Ruler's of Penmai
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    mysore
    Posts
    23,699
    Blog Entries
    18

    Re: restriction to work after marriage

    Dear Coolbaby, I understand your problem. Don't go on asking your husband on this issue. He will be under a dilemma and he will not give any green signal to your question. Your MIL and SIL are real problem in this issue. Try to convince them the advantages of going to job which will help the family in all financial requirements etc. Lure them with their likings that it is easy to get a better prospects for your SIL if additional income to the family. Like this only you have to convince them. Don't resign your job at this juncture. Through some means convince them and continue to go for work. Definitely atleast for the additional financial benefits they will agree. thank you

    gowrymohan likes this.

  6. #6
    GayathriArun's Avatar
    GayathriArun is offline Friends's of Penmai
    Real Name
    Gayathri ArunPrakash
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Dubai, UAE
    Posts
    459

    Re: restriction to work after marriage

    I want to answer your question in both the ways, ie. First part is as if women are blowing up tiny issues and second part women need not sacrifice their wish after marriage.

    We can't compare ourselves with men. We expect men to earn through his life time, assist in chores, drive for us, accompany us when we want to go somewhere, support ourselves till the end but we ladies have the liberty to leave our jobs once we are married / have children but is it possible for men? I personally feel that only we ladies are blowing small issues to huge ones.

    Now the second part,

    I guess most of these issues come because we are a society in transition and gender based roles are so into our minds that we forget to see the inherent unfairness of a lot of actions.

    I donot understand this "allow" concept. I am not ok with this drama about allowing to work / taking permission etc., You cannot say a big NOOOOO to all such rules and restrictions straight away, life is complicated sometimes.

    Conclusion,

    Your husband said before marriage that he and his parents will not have any problem if you work but now he says that he couldn't convince his parents, this attitude clearly shows that your husband wants to escape from the situation. You need your husband's support now, he must tell your inlaws that you can work. Tell him that he has to keep up his words and since he had committed that you can work after marriage he should take steps now to solve the issue.

    Marriage is of love and respect. You both should make major decisions together. You need freedom to do what you want but the caveat is that it should be done with mutual respect. You both should ALWAYS consider each others feelings. A woman can be happy only if her husband understands and supports her with love and dignity. If you get your husband's support then you will not have any problem so first bring changes in your husband.

    Last edited by GayathriArun; 26th Feb 2013 at 02:20 AM.
    gowrymohan likes this.
    Gayathri ArunPrakash

loading...

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Like It?
Share It!







Follow Penmai on Twitter