Sponsored Links
Sponsored Links
Penmai eMagazine November! | All Issues

User Tag List

Like Tree27Likes
  • 2 Post By amnilakshmi
  • 6 Post By jv_66
  • 5 Post By sumitra
  • 3 Post By amnilakshmi
  • 1 Post By amnilakshmi
  • 2 Post By tarasharma
  • 3 Post By sumitra
  • 4 Post By vaiji
  • 1 Post By jv_66

I am back again with issues


Discussions on "I am back again with issues" in "Married Life" forum.


  1. #1
    amnilakshmi is offline Newbie
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    chennai
    Posts
    20

    I am back again with issues

    Hi all,

    I am back with new problems... My hubby and myself didnt have good relationship from the beginning... We had a number of panchayats and so on.. He also had an affair and now its nearly 4 years after which he doesnt seem to have teh same... He has started having control over me... He doesnt say anything but makes me do things which he wants. He has cut me from my family and i do not have anyone who is a well wisher...there....
    I am confused on whether i shud live with him any more or just quit... I am afraid to face the world

    Similar Threads:

    Sponsored Links
    jv_66 and sumitra like this.

  2. #2
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
    Real Name
    Jayanthy
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Bangalore
    Posts
    31,985

    Re: I am back again with issues

    Hi Lakshmi,

    Sad to see your situation.

    No Problem.

    Nowadays, a man or woman having an affair before marriage is very common. Everyone does not succeed in Love. There may be many reasons.

    If he is totally away from that affair, you need not make it a big issue. Leave it and forget it.


    The only best thing in smooth running of the family is TALKING FROM OUR HEART TO THE SPOUSE.

    So, talk with him. Display all the problems one by one over a period of time and discuss the solution amicably.

    What is the reason for him to isolate you from your family? Discuss this also. May be , he feels that, it is only your side people, who make you turn against him.

    Please assure him that you may not do that in future, if you are following the teachings of your parents ( some parents teach their daughters to act against the SonInLaw, without knowing the consequence.....and this may not be followed by the daughters).

    There will be tiffs in all the families. For all these reasons, one cannot go away from their spouse.

    Either one of the spouse should give up. (vittu kodupadhudhaan vaazhkai).

    If there is any other serious problems like violence, extra marital affairs (still going on), then you can think of divorce. Otherwise, please go along with your husband.

    Only then, you will have a good image in the society.

    Try to have a child as soon as possible. This will surely increase the INTIMACY between you both.


    Last edited by jv_66; 12th Apr 2013 at 03:46 PM.
    Jayanthy





  3. #3
    sumitra's Avatar
    sumitra is offline Registered User
    Blogger
    Ruler's of Penmai
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    mysore
    Posts
    23,699
    Blog Entries
    18

    Re: I am back again with issues

    Dear Lakshmi, there is absolutely no confusion in your case. You are obeying your husband the way in which he wants. what is wrong in that. After getting married if your husband wants think about you and yourself only, then it is very nice and don't think that he is trying to isolate you from your father and mother. From the statements made by you it is clearly understood that one has to forego their ego and come to a compromise to lead a better life. Everything is in your hand only. Please try to fulfill your husband's wishes and try to get satisfied in that. Don't ever think of quitting. Quitting won't solve your problem. Don't feel that he is controlling you. Be open minded and discuss things between you and your husband, try to have better understandings and improve your intimacy. Everything will become normal. all the best.


  4. #4
    amnilakshmi is offline Newbie
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    chennai
    Posts
    20

    Re: I am back again with issues

    He was having an EMA two years back. (after our marriage) All my relatives and his relatives told me that this is common for a man. All guys are like this... and so i thot i need to change myself and came back. Now i feel i did a big mistake. He is always giving me mental torture. He calls me bad words. He hits me... He keeps saying that i dont mingle with others. I keep everyone at a distance.. this is my character how can i change myself compeltely. He ACTS a lot. One minute he says something next minute he changes his words and says against it. If something goes wrong while decision making he puts the whole blame on me.. but if something comes out very well he says he did it and thats the reason. Now this is not a issue when we both are involved. he exposes everything to others. He has given an image that I am a devil and he is a very good person. He talks bad about my family and tries to create issues between us but when he sees them he talks very well and showcases as though i am the bad sheep.... He has taken me as an enemy and puts me into every trouble he can push me too.. I am really confused on his behaviour. I have spoken to him regarding this. in fact i openly spoke to him about all the issues.. He has taken it as my weak point and using it against me .... He is telling everyone that i do not have the adjustment capability and thats the reason i am like this... He is a god to everyone while i am the black sheep... I dont know how to tackle him and this is taking all my time. I am not concentrating on my kid nor on my career. I was plannign for a second baby but now i feel i am wrong to think about that. Please advice. Can i go ahead and move out.

    jv_66, vaiji and sumitra like this.

  5. #5
    amnilakshmi is offline Newbie
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    chennai
    Posts
    20

    Re: I am back again with issues

    80 views and no replies ...

    sumitra likes this.

  6. #6
    tarasharma is offline Newbie
    Real Name
    Geraldinemsim J.Goldberg
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Delhi
    Posts
    63

    Re: I am back again with issues

    because the post is of no use you always make irrelevant comments and always confuse the others with your problems here

    vaiji and sumitra like this.

  7. #7
    sumitra's Avatar
    sumitra is offline Registered User
    Blogger
    Ruler's of Penmai
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    mysore
    Posts
    23,699
    Blog Entries
    18

    Re: I am back again with issues

    Quote Originally Posted by amnilakshmi View Post
    He was having an EMA two years back. (after our marriage) All my relatives and his relatives told me that this is common for a man. All guys are like this... and so i thot i need to change myself and came back. Now i feel i did a big mistake. He is always giving me mental torture. He calls me bad words. He hits me... He keeps saying that i dont mingle with others. I keep everyone at a distance.. this is my character how can i change myself compeltely. He ACTS a lot. One minute he says something next minute he changes his words and says against it. If something goes wrong while decision making he puts the whole blame on me.. but if something comes out very well he says he did it and thats the reason. Now this is not a issue when we both are involved. he exposes everything to others. He has given an image that I am a devil and he is a very good person. He talks bad about my family and tries to create issues between us but when he sees them he talks very well and showcases as though i am the bad sheep.... He has taken me as an enemy and puts me into every trouble he can push me too.. I am really confused on his behaviour. I have spoken to him regarding this. in fact i openly spoke to him about all the issues.. He has taken it as my weak point and using it against me .... He is telling everyone that i do not have the adjustment capability and thats the reason i am like this... He is a god to everyone while i am the black sheep... I dont know how to tackle him and this is taking all my time. I am not concentrating on my kid nor on my career. I was plannign for a second baby but now i feel i am wrong to think about that. Please advice. Can i go ahead and move out.
    Dear amnilakshmi, I understand your problem. In this male dominated society, having Extra Martial Affair with other ladies by your husband may be taken in a light sense. But definitely it is not at all acceptable. Ill-treating, abusing the wife, propagating ill-thoughts about the wife to others and things like these will definitely can not be tolerated. But from your statements I understand your helpless situation. In these occasions, God is the ONLY RESORT for all of us. Hence believe on the God, pray to him with full belief on him, thank Him in advance for having solved your problem and definitely your problem will be solved and your husband will become most liked person for you and your planning of second baby will also succeed in a happy and joyful environment. All your sorrow, sad and displeasure things will disappear like a the snow disappears at the rising of The Sun. Have faith on God, go to your favourite temple or church and continuously pray the God with full belief and dedication. Definitely the God will help you to get the happiest life which you are very much deserved. This is not just an advise but I am telling from my experience. I also faced the humility from my husband as narrated by you but I overcome all the problem just by praying the God with full faith and dedication. thank you and wish you a happy and glorious married life. thank you Be cheerful always. your happy moments are not far off. They are just in the corner. don't give up your sustaining efforts. God will always there in your side. You will succeed and come up with flying colours and again write in this penmai thread that all your problems have solved and you are happy. thank you and all the best.

    jv_66, vaiji and SADAIYAN like this.

  8. #8
    vaiji's Avatar
    vaiji is offline Minister's of Penmai
    Real Name
    Vaijayanthi kalaiselvan
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Muscat
    Posts
    2,896

    Re: I am back again with issues

    Hi amnilakshmi,
    u both go for counseling. If he is not coming with u then u just take advice from the counselor how handle the problem and from ur side what are all the steps need to be taken. Running away from problem is not a solution. Face the problem, analyze then find a solution. Don't think always about the problem. Come out of the problem, think as a third person. Don't be emotional, think practically and positively. Try ur best. Don't give up. This is ur life,u have to fight for it. So be strong. Getting divorce or going away from him.....u can do that any time. But before that give ur last try whole heartedly. One more thing, if ur being separate from him that is not a solution. It is another kind of trouble and pain. Life is not going to be easy when u r alone. So u have to decide by ur self strongly which way u r going to choose. Once u decide u should not feel that u have taken a wrong decision. So be clear about u and ur feelings then decide. I wish god be always there with u to guide. All the very best.

    nlakshmi, jv_66, sumitra and 1 others like this.
    ​LOVE,LIVE,LAUGH

  9. #9
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
    Real Name
    Jayanthy
    Gender
    Female
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Bangalore
    Posts
    31,985

    Re: I am back again with issues

    Quote Originally Posted by amnilakshmi View Post
    He was having an EMA two years back. (after our marriage) All my relatives and his relatives told me that this is common for a man. All guys are like this... and so i thot i need to change myself and came back. Now i feel i did a big mistake. He is always giving me mental torture. He calls me bad words. He hits me... He keeps saying that i dont mingle with others. I keep everyone at a distance.. this is my character how can i change myself compeltely. He ACTS a lot. One minute he says something next minute he changes his words and says against it. If something goes wrong while decision making he puts the whole blame on me.. but if something comes out very well he says he did it and thats the reason. Now this is not a issue when we both are involved. he exposes everything to others. He has given an image that I am a devil and he is a very good person. He talks bad about my family and tries to create issues between us but when he sees them he talks very well and showcases as though i am the bad sheep.... He has taken me as an enemy and puts me into every trouble he can push me too.. I am really confused on his behaviour. I have spoken to him regarding this. in fact i openly spoke to him about all the issues.. He has taken it as my weak point and using it against me .... He is telling everyone that i do not have the adjustment capability and thats the reason i am like this... He is a god to everyone while i am the black sheep... I dont know how to tackle him and this is taking all my time. I am not concentrating on my kid nor on my career. I was plannign for a second baby but now i feel i am wrong to think about that. Please advice. Can i go ahead and move out.


    Lakshmi,

    I happened to see this post only now.

    After having a kid, it is not at all advisable to divorce him. It will surely affect your child mentally.The child needs both mother's and father's love and affection.

    If the child is deprived of anyone's love (parents), in future, he/she may turn a violent person. Let us not make a chance for this.

    Now, talk to him softly, and make a decision,that, both of you will discuss all the complaints (about you both) only within yourselves, and not among others.
    You can also tell him, that you are not complaining about him to others, and he may follow the same.

    First, try to concentrate on your child. You are the only person to give him all your care.
    Then, find a suitable job, and engage yourself fully. Then, you will not find time to complain about your husband.

    Each and every person are not PERFECT. Every one will be having some or other drawbacks, which the spouse has to adjust.

    If you are thinking of the divorce, have you thought about your future, your child's future? Will the other person, accept you and your child in the proper way? What will happen, if he is the REPLICA of this existing husband?
    Even, if you go to the court for divorce, they will not give it immediately, but will send you both for Counseling.

    So, instead, you both can now itself go to a good counselor , as suggested by Vaiji.

    Don't we adjust our BOSS in the office? In the similar way, we need and ought to adjust all our family members, to maintain the FAMILY HARMONY.

    Show all your LOVE AND AFFECTION from now on towards your husband, and he should be filled with them, and he will surely reciprocate to you.

    Your child is a good bridge for this.

    For quite some time, be PATIENT and do whatever your husband likes, and in future, he will do whatever you like. Even if he doesn't, you do not loose heart, but continue this. One or the other day, he will surely realize your love for him.

    Many ladies in our country are facing similar problems,and they are tackling the situation well.

    SHOW ONLY YOUR LOVE TOWARDS ALL LIVING BEINGS especially, your near and dear ones.

    ALL THE BEST for your future, and please never think of Divorce.




    sudhavaidhi likes this.
    Jayanthy





loading...

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Like It?
Share It!







Follow Penmai on Twitter