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Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex


Discussions on "Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex" in "Married Life" forum.


  1. #1
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    Post Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Hi Friends,

    I'm very much new to this Penmai site...(3 or 4 days old only).

    I'm having a problem..When i was thinking to whether I should place this in this forum, I came upon a thread posted by our Penmai friend/sister--Sweety7 because even my problem is same as here only.

    I'm married for 16 years and my husband is the only son of his parents (no other siblings)He is not at all interested in sex at all .In the first 5 years very less and by the God' grace I got conceived in my 5th year of marriage and blessed with a son. After that till now (11years) we didnt have any romantic relationship between us. I tried so many times in talking to him, making understand etc. He listens with patience for my sayings.. Understands that he is not as every man etc.. But no use other than that.

    Basically my husband is a good man, soft person and no flaws to say except too much attached to his parents that too his mother.My MIL is over possessive and she never allows me to do anything for my husband..Now the same goes to the child also

    I dont what his problem is...I am waiting patiently to this day that this will be okay in any moment..Didnt tell anybody about him or adverse of him to his parents or his relatives and even to my parents because i dont want his respect down in others eyes..

    I'm getting stress and depressed day by day with this problem and inlaws other ways of nagging for something or other like tellime me that I'm not raising my child good etcetc

    Please friends help me in this regard

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  2. #2
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    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Hi Krushitha,

    Sad to hear this. But don't worry.

    Some men may be like this. For solving this, as we said for sweety, you may also try the following.

    First of all , you may take him to a Sexologist. He will surely solve the problem. He may also suggest a good Psychiatrist, if necessary. This problem which is existing for more than 16 years, must be a Sexology problem only. So, please do not delay any more.

    He also may suggest to test his Thyroxin levels and Testosterone levels, which also plays an important role in deciding this.

    And coming to your MIL's possessive ness, after being married for 16 years, now, you can tell her softly that " Athai....I should also learn to do these things. You are managing everything very well. In the similar way, let me also try to follow your foot steps and handle everything. You also need some rest, as you are growing old. In case, if you are sick and out of station, I should also manage, so, let me also share the duties, and I would feel very happy to do them for my family ( In - laws, DS and DH.)".

    You be sharing all the works along with her. Do not be idle, while she is doing it for your son and husband.

    When she is cooking , you can fill the lunch boxes, keep their dresses ready and do the other needs for your hubby and son.

    Even if she is objecting, be doing them.

    Please do not leave it like this, and your son and hubby should feel your presence and necessity also.

    Hope, these would be helpful to you. You are welcome to ask any more suggestions also.


    Last edited by jv_66; 5th Aug 2013 at 12:17 PM.
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    Jayanthy





  3. #3
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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Hi Krushitha,

    Warm welcome to 'Penmai'. Jayanthy has given you wonderful suggestion. Apart from that if you have faith in God, pl.
    check the given below link, where you can find many 'Padhigams' in various titles. You can select the title no.20 & recitate with strong faith. Surely you can get benefit within a short period. This 'Padhigam' book is also available in shops with name of 'விதியை வெல்வது எப்படி?'. As per my knowledge this book is available in 'Giri Trading' at Mylapore near Kapaleeshwarar Temple. I think it may be available in shops which sell devotional books. I am regularly chanting these manthras for the welfare of my family & also leading happy and peaceful life.

    God bless you & your family.

    Here is the link... http://temple.dinamalar.com/Slogandetails.php?id=2056



    Last edited by sumathisrini; 5th Aug 2013 at 02:18 PM.
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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Quote Originally Posted by krushrikrish View Post
    Hi Friends,

    I'm very much new to this Penmai site...(3 or 4 days old only).

    I'm having a problem..When i was thinking to whether I should place this in this forum, I came upon a thread posted by our Penmai friend/sister--Sweety7 because even my problem is same as here only.

    I'm married for 16 years and my husband is the only son of his parents (no other siblings)He is not at all interested in sex at all .In the first 5 years very less and by the God' grace I got conceived in my 5th year of marriage and blessed with a son. After that till now (11years) we didnt have any romantic relationship between us. I tried so many times in talking to him, making understand etc. He listens with patience for my sayings.. Understands that he is not as every man etc.. But no use other than that.

    Basically my husband is a good man, soft person and no flaws to say except too much attached to his parents that too his mother.My MIL is over possessive and she never allows me to do anything for my husband..Now the same goes to the child also

    I dont what his problem is...I am waiting patiently to this day that this will be okay in any moment..Didnt tell anybody about him or adverse of him to his parents or his relatives and even to my parents because i dont want his respect down in others eyes..

    I'm getting stress and depressed day by day with this problem and inlaws other ways of nagging for something or other like tellime me that I'm not raising my child good etcetc

    Please friends help me in this regard
    Dear krushrikrish, I understand your problem. There are lot reasons for this problem. As your husband has been grown as only one son and brought up by your MIL, the attachment towards his mother also sometimes prevent him to have enjoyable private moments with you. The solution for this problem can be given by your family doctor who is close to you as well as to your husband. MIL will be always over possessive only. Meet your family doctor appraise of this peculiar nature of your husband and take your husband also for necessary counselling. By way of counselling only the mind set can be changed and your romantic moments with your husband will come back. There are so many ways to make your husband get interested in the particular act of enjoyment with you. This is a public forum. I cannot explain in detail.. Please send me a pm and I will explain various methodologies to be followed to make your husband interested in that particular act of romance with you.

    Don't worry about the MIL, SIL, or anybody else for that matter.

    Alternatively you can pray the God, the Almighty for solving your problem. Please go to your nearby Sri LakshmiNarasimhar Temple on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Light five Ghee lamps. Use your own match box for lighting the lamp. Offer prayers to Goddess Mahalakshmi and Sri Lakshmi Narasimhar.

    By offering sincere prayers to Sri Lakshmi Narasimhar, all your problems will vanish and all the enjoyable moments with your husband will be restored. All the best. thank you

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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Thanks friends/sisters for your valuable suggestions

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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Quote Originally Posted by krushrikrish View Post
    Understands that he is not as every man etc..
    rest assured, that this kind of issues are much more common than you think. Due to modern lifestyles, food habits etc, sex-drives/libido of men are becoming lower ,and a lot of males max out at 35+.

    So , while this is pretty common, most couples do not advertise it. Issues /problems happen only if the couple is childless... Otherwise , they bear it for the sake of their kids.

    Also, you have been patient for 16 years ( with this situation). I see no reason why you cannot be patient for another decade or so , by which time your in-laws will be sufficiently old enough to not pose a 'threat' to you

    sumitra and SADAIYAN like this.

  7. #7
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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Hi

    You have already got views to deal with ur hubby problem. I want to talk about your son. Taking care of your son is your rights and ur motherly nature.
    MIL always says we are not taking care of our kids in so and so way and lot of comments they would pass even if we are putting shoes for kids. Ignore them. Act as deaf to those comments. If you can speak back (gentle or not), plz speak back and tell her you know better for your son and try to cook food for your son, identify what he likes and feed him.bond your relation very well with your kid. Don't give it up. Ask him everyday, how his school was, about his friends and teachers and what happened today at school. If you can ,drop him and pick him from tuition. Make him realize there is a friend for him at home. Be strict where you need to be strict.sit with him for home works. If he is watching tv ask him about the characters in cartoon. He plays video games ask him what it is and Ask him how to play. He wins any game encourage him.his marks go low, tell him next time he should put his hardwork and identify his weakness. Take him to temple and park for a walk,this is only to make sure you spend time with him or ask him to accompany you for shopping. You accompany him in taking his dress and just give your suggestions, ultimately leave it to his choice. Ask him what he wants for lunch.

    Today's kids want their mom to look smart and behave smart. Pay attention to your dressing and look(this might also help your hubby to turn and look) Talk about movies , Discuss His future plans and so on....

    I hope all these tips will make you close to your son. At this stage , if you don't take care and concern of your kid, then in later stage it would be very difficult to prove him your affection and love for him.

    Ignore all your MIL comments as deaf .

    Let us know how it has worked with your son.

    all the best.

    Last edited by Rajisha; 18th Aug 2013 at 02:19 PM.

  8. #8
    dhaneshpl is offline Citizen's of Penmai
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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Hi Krithika,


    Warm welcome to Penmai. No worries. Everything will be all right. Things will never happen same as it is happening now. So please be patient.
    You just ignore your MIL's words. I will pary to almighty that good things will happen to you.


    Regards,

    Devi.

    sumathisrini, jv_66 and sumitra like this.

  9. #9
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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    very useful link you have given sumathi,thankyou! the link you gave have more contents,thank you again!

    sumathisrini and jv_66 like this.
    முயற்சி திருவினையாக்கும் முயற்சி இன்மை
    இன்மை புகுத்தி விடும்

  10. #10
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    Re: Arranged Marriage-Husband not interested in sex

    Quote Originally Posted by jbsk View Post
    very useful link you have given sumathi,thankyou! the link you gave have more contents,thank you again!

    Thank you Jaya. I have given the link for second part only. Now giving the link for first part. I am reading these 'Padhigam' daily, and get benefited. If our friends are benefited by the use of these 'Padhigam', I'll be very much happy .

    ???????????, ??????????, ??????????, ????????????



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