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Need some suggestions friends


Discussions on "Need some suggestions friends" in "Married Life" forum.


  1. #1
    kennedia is offline Newbie
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    Need some suggestions friends

    Hi friends,

    My marriage is arrange marriage. I worked in chennai . My husband is working in erode with good salary. so i resigned my job before my marriage and tried to get job in erode. after marriage i realised that is blender mistake. before marriage while we talked, my husband once said he have loan so that we both have to work to pay the loan. he know about my resignation and said he will arrange a job for me. after marriage we tried to get job but no use. i got pregnant so i could't able to get job.

    My mother-in-law asked me to go job or give the loan amount to her from my parents since i resigned. Inorder to make my life peaceful and to support my husband i did that. later she always complains about the job i left in chennai and sitting in her home jobless. my husband wont support me.he used to say once i get job she will get convinced so try to get job as soon as possible. I was too emotional. I was expecting a normal care a normal women get at the time of pregnancy. I feel i never get that.

    According to them,every women in world work during their pregnancy times and continue their work after 3 months from delivery. so i'm sitting in home simply with pregnancy as reason.they never consider about my health and how i feel.


    To satisfy his mom, my husband asked me to come with job after my delivery, else stay with my parents. In that situation i said yes. Its been 6 months my husband haven't talked about taking me to back to his house, he only talks about getting job, during my pregnancy time and also after delivery till now. He is afraid of his mother. he always listen to her. he will say "yes" to her without thinking about the consequences.

    now my son is 6 months old. my husband says he will take me back to his house only if i give assurance that i will get the job in 3 months. without having faith in my husband and afraid of my mother-in-law i said i will come after i get the job.

    he used to come to see me in chennai once in a month.he often makes me feel alone.

    now the problem with my husband is he is not understanding the current situation. he doesnt cares about my health. he doesnt care about me. for example, i fought with him and havent talked to him for 2 months later i mailed him my son's voice and talked to him. so now he wants to meet his son so i have to take my 7 months son to erode by myself in train. he wont come here to meet my son and me.

    I literally got feeling that they married me only for my salary.

    I need some suggestion to make my husband to understand the current situation, difficulties after delivery. i really feel alone. i want him to care for me. Even i talked to him frankly but he said he will not like other husbands who is caring for their wives.
    I need some suggestion to handle my husband and get his love and care. i want him to realise that money is not the life.we still have time to earn money. but happiness in early stage of marriage wont come back. i totally frustrated and depressed .

    P.S: he does not have any of bad habits.he is govnt employee also got award from vigilance that his hand is pure.

    by kenny

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  2. #2
    sumitra's Avatar
    sumitra is offline Registered User
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    Re: Need some suggestions friends

    Quote Originally Posted by kennedia View Post
    Hi friends,

    My marriage is arrange marriage. I worked in chennai . My husband is working in erode with good salary. so i resigned my job before my marriage and tried to get job in erode. after marriage i realised that is blender mistake. before marriage while we talked, my husband once said he have loan so that we both have to work to pay the loan. he know about my resignation and said he will arrange a job for me. after marriage we tried to get job but no use. i got pregnant so i could't able to get job.

    My mother-in-law asked me to go job or give the loan amount to her from my parents since i resigned. Inorder to make my life peaceful and to support my husband i did that. later she always complains about the job i left in chennai and sitting in her home jobless. my husband wont support me.he used to say once i get job she will get convinced so try to get job as soon as possible. I was too emotional. I was expecting a normal care a normal women get at the time of pregnancy. I feel i never get that.

    According to them,every women in world work during their pregnancy times and continue their work after 3 months from delivery. so i'm sitting in home simply with pregnancy as reason.they never consider about my health and how i feel.


    To satisfy his mom, my husband asked me to come with job after my delivery, else stay with my parents. In that situation i said yes. Its been 6 months my husband haven't talked about taking me to back to his house, he only talks about getting job, during my pregnancy time and also after delivery till now. He is afraid of his mother. he always listen to her. he will say "yes" to her without thinking about the consequences.

    now my son is 6 months old. my husband says he will take me back to his house only if i give assurance that i will get the job in 3 months. without having faith in my husband and afraid of my mother-in-law i said i will come after i get the job.

    he used to come to see me in chennai once in a month.he often makes me feel alone.

    now the problem with my husband is he is not understanding the current situation. he doesnt cares about my health. he doesnt care about me. for example, i fought with him and havent talked to him for 2 months later i mailed him my son's voice and talked to him. so now he wants to meet his son so i have to take my 7 months son to erode by myself in train. he wont come here to meet my son and me.

    I literally got feeling that they married me only for my salary.

    I need some suggestion to make my husband to understand the current situation, difficulties after delivery. i really feel alone. i want him to care for me. Even i talked to him frankly but he said he will not like other husbands who is caring for their wives.
    I need some suggestion to handle my husband and get his love and care. i want him to realise that money is not the life.we still have time to earn money. but happiness in early stage of marriage wont come back. i totally frustrated and depressed .

    P.S: he does not have any of bad habits.he is govnt employee also got award from vigilance that his hand is pure.

    by kenny
    Hi kennedia, Welcome to penmai.com!!!!!!!!!!!


  3. #3
    sumitra's Avatar
    sumitra is offline Registered User
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    Re: Need some suggestions friends

    Quote Originally Posted by kennedia View Post
    Hi friends,

    My marriage is arrange marriage. I worked in chennai . My husband is working in erode with good salary. so i resigned my job before my marriage and tried to get job in erode. after marriage i realised that is blender mistake. before marriage while we talked, my husband once said he have loan so that we both have to work to pay the loan. he know about my resignation and said he will arrange a job for me. after marriage we tried to get job but no use. i got pregnant so i could't able to get job.

    My mother-in-law asked me to go job or give the loan amount to her from my parents since i resigned. Inorder to make my life peaceful and to support my husband i did that. later she always complains about the job i left in chennai and sitting in her home jobless. my husband wont support me.he used to say once i get job she will get convinced so try to get job as soon as possible. I was too emotional. I was expecting a normal care a normal women get at the time of pregnancy. I feel i never get that.

    According to them,every women in world work during their pregnancy times and continue their work after 3 months from delivery. so i'm sitting in home simply with pregnancy as reason.they never consider about my health and how i feel.


    To satisfy his mom, my husband asked me to come with job after my delivery, else stay with my parents. In that situation i said yes. Its been 6 months my husband haven't talked about taking me to back to his house, he only talks about getting job, during my pregnancy time and also after delivery till now. He is afraid of his mother. he always listen to her. he will say "yes" to her without thinking about the consequences.

    now my son is 6 months old. my husband says he will take me back to his house only if i give assurance that i will get the job in 3 months. without having faith in my husband and afraid of my mother-in-law i said i will come after i get the job.

    he used to come to see me in chennai once in a month.he often makes me feel alone.

    now the problem with my husband is he is not understanding the current situation. he doesnt cares about my health. he doesnt care about me. for example, i fought with him and havent talked to him for 2 months later i mailed him my son's voice and talked to him. so now he wants to meet his son so i have to take my 7 months son to erode by myself in train. he wont come here to meet my son and me.

    I literally got feeling that they married me only for my salary.

    I need some suggestion to make my husband to understand the current situation, difficulties after delivery. i really feel alone. i want him to care for me. Even i talked to him frankly but he said he will not like other husbands who is caring for their wives.
    I need some suggestion to handle my husband and get his love and care. i want him to realise that money is not the life.we still have time to earn money. but happiness in early stage of marriage wont come back. i totally frustrated and depressed .

    P.S: he does not have any of bad habits.he is govnt employee also got award from vigilance that his hand is pure.

    by kenny
    Dear Kenny, I understand your problem. First of all don't be frustrated and depressed. The world is wide open with full of opportunities. Your husband, Your MIL are not peculiar in their character. Your husband listens to your MIL and act accordingly is common feature with joint family system. Don't expect more than that from your husband. If you go on getting worries and worries like this your health will get spoiled. Just because he is your husband don't expect that he has to take care of you and take care of your health. You are the only one who has to take care of your health, your son's health and also your happy and enjoyable moments will be available to you only when you are with healthy mind. Hence first of all avoid the thinking that your husband has to take care of you and your health.
    If he wants to bring his son and yourself has to go to him. This is your life. Don't have any ego in this regard. Don't expect that your husband will come and take along with him.
    In this world, you have to understand the situation you are in and try to adjust to the environment. You first go to the husband's house on your own along with your child without expecting anything.

    Working brides are selected for marriage for the purpose of additional financial support they give to the family. Money plays vital role in this joint family set up. Don't blame your husband or MIL for their nature of giving importance to the salary you earn.

    First go and join with your husband. Please search for jobs and accept the most suitable job which is coming for you. Continuously pray the God for improving the financial situation of your family. Go to nearest Sri Lakshmi Narasimha Swamy temple and offer your prayers.By the blessings of Sri Mahalakshmi and Sri Lakshmi Narasimha Perumal, definitely you and your husband will enjoy the life along with your child. Please light ghee lamps on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the Sri Lakshmi Narasimha Perumal kovil. Definitely your situation will improve a lot and you will get back your happiness and peacefulness in the family. All the best. thank you

    sumathisrini and jv_66 like this.

  4. #4
    anbarasi's Avatar
    anbarasi is offline Friends's of Penmai
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    Re: Need some suggestions friends

    Quote Originally Posted by kennedia View Post
    Hi friends,

    My marriage is arrange marriage. I worked in chennai . My husband is working in erode with good salary. so i resigned my job before my marriage and tried to get job in erode. after marriage i realised that is blender mistake. before marriage while we talked, my husband once said he have loan so that we both have to work to pay the loan. he know about my resignation and said he will arrange a job for me. after marriage we tried to get job but no use. i got pregnant so i could't able to get job.

    My mother-in-law asked me to go job or give the loan amount to her from my parents since i resigned. Inorder to make my life peaceful and to support my husband i did that. later she always complains about the job i left in chennai and sitting in her home jobless. my husband wont support me.he used to say once i get job she will get convinced so try to get job as soon as possible. I was too emotional. I was expecting a normal care a normal women get at the time of pregnancy. I feel i never get that.

    According to them,every women in world work during their pregnancy times and continue their work after 3 months from delivery. so i'm sitting in home simply with pregnancy as reason.they never consider about my health and how i feel.


    To satisfy his mom, my husband asked me to come with job after my delivery, else stay with my parents. In that situation i said yes. Its been 6 months my husband haven't talked about taking me to back to his house, he only talks about getting job, during my pregnancy time and also after delivery till now. He is afraid of his mother. he always listen to her. he will say "yes" to her without thinking about the consequences.

    now my son is 6 months old. my husband says he will take me back to his house only if i give assurance that i will get the job in 3 months. without having faith in my husband and afraid of my mother-in-law i said i will come after i get the job.

    he used to come to see me in chennai once in a month.he often makes me feel alone.

    now the problem with my husband is he is not understanding the current situation. he doesnt cares about my health. he doesnt care about me. for example, i fought with him and havent talked to him for 2 months later i mailed him my son's voice and talked to him. so now he wants to meet his son so i have to take my 7 months son to erode by myself in train. he wont come here to meet my son and me.

    I literally got feeling that they married me only for my salary.

    I need some suggestion to make my husband to understand the current situation, difficulties after delivery. i really feel alone. i want him to care for me. Even i talked to him frankly but he said he will not like other husbands who is caring for their wives.
    I need some suggestion to handle my husband and get his love and care. i want him to realise that money is not the life.we still have time to earn money. but happiness in early stage of marriage wont come back. i totally frustrated and depressed .

    P.S: he does not have any of bad habits.he is govnt employee also got award from vigilance that his hand is pure.

    by kenny
    Hi Kennedia,

    Please dont lose your hope. You have got a son now, think of him- get yourself refreshed & search for a job. You will surely get a job. Don worry. Whatever you say to your husband now will not change his attitude. You need to change him slowly only, for that you need to join with him first which will happen only after you get a job. May god bless you with all your wishes.

    Regards,
    Anbu

  5. #5
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Need some suggestions friends

    Welcome to Penmai....Kenny.

    Please do not worry. This is very common in many families.

    When, your husband has intimated that he needs your financial support after marriage, there is no point in blaming them. They have selected you , as you are a working woman. So, they would have been frustrated, when you were not able to help them financially.

    Many MILs behave like this only. And your husband cannot change immediately, and cannot come out of his mother's possessiveness so easily.

    To run a smooth and harmonious family, both husband and wife should never have ego with each other.

    Women can change their mindset very easily, whereas, for men, it is not that easy. It is only because of this, your husband is not visiting you and your son frequently. There is nothing wrong, in , you visiting your husband. Either one of the family should give up. Let it be you. There is nothing wrong.

    Since it is 7 months after your delivery, now , you go to your husband' s house, and find a job immediately with the help of your husband.

    Many working women, start going to job after 3 months of delivery, if they have financial necessity.

    Since, only this job matter, matters in your life, find one and be happy in life.

    In due course, your husband will surely listen to your words also, and will look after you and your son , as a very good head of the family.

    Since, they are in a tight financial commitment, they both would fear about the expenses to be incurred for the new child also. It is not that easy nowadays.

    So, please leave all your worries, find a job immediately and lead a very very happy married life and parenthood.


    sumathisrini and jasmine98 like this.
    Jayanthy





  6. #6
    SADAIYAN is offline Friends's of Penmai
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    Re: Need some suggestions friends

    Gentle Woman - Be sure these type of people not to be trusted at all. In your balance period of life, if you continue your relationship, always take care of yourself. Never trust these so called Husband (the name means who takes care, in your case, I do not know how to address him - let us call him partner). What to do for certain people, it so happens. But you should never give up hope and please start taking the help/guidance of your parents. Never worry about the so called in laws, after all they refuse to even treat you on par with them. Self Confidence will definitely secure you, your place in life. It is a lesson in life for you, through you, for every one of us. Work Hard. Stand on your own legs. Its much easy. Never succumb to social pressure. You can definitely fair much better than your so called Husband in career. Why not, you may become another Indra Nooyi in the years to come. All the best. God bless you.

    sumathisrini, jv_66 and jasmine98 like this.

  7. #7
    jasmine98 is offline Newbie
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    Re: Need some suggestions friends

    I agree with Sadaiyan and applaud him for encouraging and motivating another unfairly treated female. As few other posters had mentioned, I guess this pathetic money-mindedness is the general mindset L. Not all are money-minded, but unfortunately some do put money before love and affection.
    If I were you, I would push myself hard to get a job right now, while I'm at my mom's place. I'd study or prepare myself for the job, attend interviews and do everything to secure a job. It is okay if it is slightly inferior to your previous job. Get something where you can grow professionally. If you think your in-laws will not support you to care for the baby, I’d suggest you go alone to your hubby’s place (leave the baby with your mom temporarily) and look for jobs extensively and exclusively for couple of months. Yes, as Sadaiyan and other posters have mentioned, be strong. Only you can define your destiny and bring happiness to yourself. So show them that you can find a job and can work hard to reach new heights professionally. They will learn to respect you for who you are. I can see that you have a lot of love and feelings for your husband by reading your P.S. :-) Good for you and hope he knows your worth.

    jv_66 likes this.

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