A Clash --- conflict in Married life

No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won’t make you cry”

A happy marriage is a long term project that requires daily tending. When we’re young and in love, we tend to think of marriage as this blissful thing that springs up out of the ground like a full fledged garden. In reality, it takes work. You have to pull weeds, cut branches, get a little dirty – but the end result can be just as beautiful as that magic garden we imagined before.

Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. – Max Lucade

"Conflict." This is a word that causes most of us a great degree of discomfort, anger, frustration, sadness, and pain.

Conflict seems to be everywhere these days.

Conflicts between nations that can lead to wars.

Conflict between people which can lead to one fatally harming another.

Conflict between team members at work.

Conflict between family members and within relationships.

A painful tension set up by a clash between opposed and contradictory impulses is conflict

causes of conflict.

1. Differing values can lead to conflicts.

When people have differing values, conflicts can result. If one of your personal values in life is that your family comes first, and if your boss’ personal value is that work comes first, leads to conflict

2. Making assumptions can lead to conflicts.

If the husband assumes that his wife will have a hot meal waiting for him when he gets home from work and when that hot meal is not ready, conflict between the husband and wife can result.

3. Differing expectations can lead to conflict.

We expect people to know things without us telling them.they can’t read our minds.may be your expectation, doesn’t mean that it’s the expectation of other people. No wonder there is so much resentment and conflict at work,

4. Differences in the way you were brought up can result in conflict.

The way that you were brought up, your religion, your gender, your race, and your ethnicity can result in conflict with people who are different than you.If you are a woman born in the 1940's and who grew up during the Great Depression, someone who was grew up during in the free-loving 1985's may have a conflict with you regarding marriage and its vows.

5. Knowledge and ability to deal with conflict can result in conflict.

If two nations or two partner are unwilling to resolve their differences, they are bound to keep that conflict alive for future generations

Styles of Conflict Resolution:
Avoiding or denying the existence of a conflict.
Many people prefer to give in rather than struggle through the conflict.
Some people get mad and blame the other person.
Others are competitive and have to win. They use their power and influence to control and get their way.
Some appear to compromise but are subtly manipulative in trying to win more ground.

A few people can control their anger, competitive, I-give-up feelings and self- serving tendencies and genuinely seek a fair, optimal solution for both parties. This is a creative integrative approach.

conflict resolution
when you face a conflict or disagreement with your . partner , naturally you feel angry,frustrated and emotionall imbalanced.

there are many ways to settle down the conflict

1.Determine what you really want.
you’re arguing with your wifer about caring for your elderly parents. and she is opposing your idea.In the heat of the moment, you can easily become angry and flustered, and that’s not the time to negotiate.Instead, stop, acknowledge that you want to work things out, and “suggest an alternate time for discussion.What’s most important is thinking about your ideal outcome. so time to cool down

2. Gather information.
Don’t assume you know the cause of a problem or what the other person is feeling,Arm yourself with as much information as you can before starting your discussion.Tuning out the other party. You need to understand her position as well as you can if you hope to reach an agreement.

3.start your negotiation process.
select a nuetral or a common place like a comfortable corner of a caffee shop. In common place both the partners behave properly

set ground rules
set ground rules for how you’ll talk to each other.That is, vow to keep name-calling and accusations out of the process

time and duration
comfortable time for both the partner enough time for both of them to explain their point.Also decide who will start first

4. body language
The message is to find a solution that works for both of you That message has to be physical as well as verbal, so avoid movements that indicate irritation or frustration, like tapping your fingers, crossing your arms, and rolling your eyes
Setting a tone that implies anything but mutual respect, which is sure to increase the tension level.

5. Win-win. formula
Most conflicts are in areas that have more than two alternatives. If you do not like the choice your partner wants, and your partner does not like your choice, with a little more effort you might be able to find another alternative that you both like and want.

6.No lose.formula
When you cannot find an alternative that you both want, look for an option that is acceptable to both of you, or negotiate an agreeable compromise.

7.Win-lose equally.formula
When the conflict is over an issue that has only two choices, one person will get what he/she wants and the other will not.The loser will trust that next time or the time after that he/she will be the winner.

Healthy Conflict Resolution

1. Start with the right frame of mind. Approach the conflict as two equals working together to solve a problem.

2.You both should be open, honest and remain respectful.. so handle the conflict with care

3.Identify the problem or issues

4. Generate several possible solutions.

5.Evaluate the alternative solutions

6. Decide on the best solution

7 Implement the solution.

8.Follow-up evaluation

with all these methods both are not able to find a suitable solution,

A friend, a family member, or a colleague with no stake in the conflict could fill the role, but a professional will know techniques to keep the negotiation process on track.

The important thing to remember is that avoiding or ignoring a conflict won’t make it go away. Taking positive steps toward a resolution will leave you feeling better in the end.


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