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extramarital affair help


Discussions on "extramarital affair help" in "Married Life" forum.


  1. #1
    chocogirl is offline Newbie
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    extramarital affair help

    Hi friends
    I m 28 years old and I m married and I have a son.my husband loves me much more than anyone can in this world. Some 4 years ago I met my ex boyfriend and I got distracted in his speech and I went and got involved in an extramarital affair with him first I refused but then he convinced me and said he will marry me in 3 years time and we involved in all kind of activities as he wished.i can say why I did that I know I was cheating but I did still because that was the time I had lot of family problems from everywhere and I was a new mom.

    Because of this boyfriend I have gone through abortions twice which I have hidden from so many people including my husband who thinks he fathered the lost children but I know who it was. All girls go through a mental pressure state where girls who r moral wins and I failed every minute I look into my husband eyes I feel guilty and I am unable to come out of it. I wanted to end the illegal relationship but he is not letting me go.also I feel safe if there is any problem he will take care of me which he promised.

    Now the problem is first he promised that he will marry me in 3 years now he is ready to marry another girl who is my friend's sister he does not know it anyway. My greatest confusion is should I tell the girl or should I leave this problem as it is.n take up a new life n live with my husband or should I talk to him b continue this..my head spins...when I look at the mirror I feel like spitting on my own face.i know I m not a good woman because of girls like me all r feeling ashamed

    But please suggest me what to do should I save that girl's life or simply walk away? If there is anh problem in the future I have to kill myself only .no other way

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  2. #2
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: extramarital affair help

    Welcome to Penmai....friend.

    Feel very very sad hearing this.

    You should have never done this, but you have.

    All the girls should understand that the ex lover or boyfriends always take the advantage of the situation , enjoy fully with her, gives all kind of false promises suitably and leave them at a stage to marry someone else and enjoy the rest of his life.

    Taking advantage of the Technology development, they would have recorded some obscene pictures of the girls and some speeches also and would take more and more advantage in the future.

    I am telling this just to caution other girls not to fall prey of such ex- persons.


    OK, now LEAVE THE PAST AND LIVE THE PRESENT.

    Coming to your question whether to tell that girl, about your boyfriend.......

    No....no...please do not indulge yourself in much more new problems to arise.

    Yes....if you caution her not to marry him, she will surely raise questions and even if you tell that someone has been affected by him (by not mentioning about you), she will or her parents or sister, whoever it is, may convey this to that fiancee. That person will somehow know the reason and who has stopped his marriage.

    Then, what will he do? He will surely reveal everything about you in public.He may add much more also.

    Is this necessary? No....not at all.

    So, please do not tell that girl anything about him. Just keep quiet.

    Whatever happens, let it happen.

    Nowadays, it has become quiet common to have such affairs before marriage.These persons may be loyal to their spouse after marriage. Nobody knows (even they themselves does'nt know).

    If this happens, the girl will be a little fortunate...though it sounds weird.

    Now, coming to your guilty feelings......

    There is no other go....you will surely have the guilty feeling all through your rest of life.

    Suppress those feelings in the inner heart.

    Just forget what has happened with your boyfriend atleast on the upper layer of your heart and try to overcome the hard feelings by Showering all your total love to your husband and your child.

    Dedicate total attention on both of them and in the upbringing of your family .

    You can go for another child now.

    Tell your husband, that during those two abortions, you were mentally upset due to the earlier family problems and now you are alright witnessing the love and affection of your husband.Tell him that you want to gift him another child for his showering love towards you.

    Please don't reveal this ex matter to anyone including to your husband, as it may create many many new problems.

    But at the same time, if any suspicion arises to your husband about your past activities, sit alone with him when he is in good mood and open the matter frankly . Tell him, that , ex person took advantage of your family situation.

    But no husband will be able to digest this.

    So, only when the matter goes to the extreme level (ie., if your ex-boyfriend is threatening you again in your future life , telling that he would reveal everything to your husband and asks to share his bed),only in this case you can open the matter only to your husband.

    After this, you assure him with words, that you will be very much loyal to him for the rest of your married life. And prove this through your deeds, ie., showering love and total dedicated love only to him and your child.

    Never think of ending your life.

    Your child will be the sufferer and always have this in your mind. Your absence will surely affect his future studies and future life.


    If still you are not able to come out of your guilty feelings , after few years,you can consult a Psychiatrist, who will surely help you to come out of it through his /her treatments.

    ALWAYS BE POSITIVE AND THINK POSITIVE.

    Never take extreme decisions as you did in falling prey (and believing that he would marry you) to your ex-boyfriend.

    Your husband will be the well wisher for you and he will do everything for you.

    All the best for your future life with no hiccups hereafter.





    Last edited by jv_66; 2nd May 2014 at 12:09 PM.
    Jayanthy





  3. #3
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    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: extramarital affair help

    Now I happened to read your another post telling that, your boyfriend is still promising that he is for you even if he got married to someone else for the society.......

    Please friend, never believe him anymore.

    Totally avoid him in your future.

    Never fall prey to his sweet poisoned words and his threatens if any.

    Hereafter be loyal only to your husband and if possible try to go away, ie., let your husband get transferred , from the present place where your ex boyfriend will be.


    sumathisrini and sumitra like this.
    Jayanthy





  4. #4
    chocogirl is offline Newbie
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    Re: extramarital affair help

    Thanks so much ma'am I was also thinking the same thing luckily I m going to my mom place for a few weeks since my husband is going onsite and if possible we will shift to another place.but this suggestions from u is very valuable and meaningful to me..I learnt a nice lesson in my life but the price I paid was too high.anyway thanks again . At least that girl should be happy and I dont want her to get into trouble because of me.right now I m goiing to learn songs or art which will divert my mind from these thoughts.
    Thank u penmai..if some more ladies want to give ur inputs please give me I will take it too.

    sumathisrini, jv_66 and sumitra like this.

  5. #5
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: extramarital affair help

    Quote Originally Posted by chocogirl View Post
    Thanks so much ma'am I was also thinking the same thing luckily I m going to my mom place for a few weeks since my husband is going onsite and if possible we will shift to another place.but this suggestions from u is very valuable and meaningful to me..I learnt a nice lesson in my life but the price I paid was too high.anyway thanks again . At least that girl should be happy and I dont want her to get into trouble because of me.right now I m goiing to learn songs or art which will divert my mind from these thoughts.
    Thank u penmai..if some more ladies want to give ur inputs please give me I will take it too.

    Very happy to hear this friend that you will be able to move to a place far away from that person.

    Even I thought of telling you to go for a job or work from home or you can learn many new hobbies , languages and many other things, to divert your mind.

    But always keep in your mind, that your son is also a child, and you will forget all your worries in his speech and activities. Children are god's gift and they can do miracles.

    Now concentrate fully on his upbringing.

    Teach him well as much as you can.

    We all are here to help you in all aspects.

    You can access here from anywhere and spend your time and share all your talents. There are many ladies, who show all their talents here .

    You can forget yourself by singing songs which you are going to learn.

    All the best, and never ever turn to that guy.

    Once your husband goes onsite, he may again approach you and take advantage. Never listen to him.

    Try to join your husband in the Onsite as soon as possible.

    sumathisrini and sumitra like this.
    Jayanthy





  6. #6
    dipens is offline Newbie
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    Re: extramarital affair help

    Dear, First thing is now you are married, so you just have to see in you own life & live for your husband. Secondly though out your ex-BF, whatever is happened in past, but that was past. Avoid that. Let it be.
    Take care

    sumitra likes this.

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