Discussions on "Pls advice" in "Married Life" forum.
7th Aug 2014, 02:18 PM #1Newbie
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
Mine is a love marriage before 3 years , i belong to tamil iyer and he belongto tamil mudhaliyar.I cant give birth to a child because i had ovary issues in past . he knows very well abt this and my family also told them clearly abt my past. he said he loves me so much and wanted to marry him and have no problem in marrying me. Marriage went on well. his parents did not come . after marriage , i met them in person and whole heartly explained them abt the situation and they also accepted me and evrything is fine with them now, They stay in my husband house few knms away from my home.
I stay in Gf & my parents stay in 1st floor in an apartment. I am working in IT as Senior Manager, earning good stuff etc.
: Short flash back : I had ovarian cancer at my age 14 & my parents did so much to me in bringing me in life , giving me good health , proper education etc. and i sincerely feel that , i should give back to my parents right now . I am 33right now. God's grace , i have fully recovered from my disease and i am living happily.
Now , the problem is :-- even for small issues or fights , my husband emotionally threatened me that Just because of my parents staying in same apartment , i am doing this.
He is a dominating person and i know this fact when we loved each other. 80 % of the times, i accept his domination , because he gave life to me and my parents always wants to me to adjust with him and let him dominate me . They always scold me even if dont do any mistakes as well. Because they always say 1 thing :--- " Even though he dominates , he had give me life "" - i agree.. But there are limits.
Even for silly issues , and for certain disorganised stuffs i do, he scold me in front of all,,, most of times , i dont say anything a, but some times , i get pissed off.
Now ,, I really dont know what to do: My husband says very openly that he will continue to be like this , will dominate me , and if i do anything against him, he will attack my parents which will end our relationship...
I am really frustated . at any cost ,, i cant leave my parents .... you know how tough it is in bringing a person like me to a higher level. I work in an MNC as senior head / manager . earning good money.
Pls seniors , advice me .. I need peace of mind,, My parents dont want me to divorce him, they say , they will go and they want me and husband living togther happily, . But you know ,, If i send them out from me, The most selfish women in this world will be me... and god will never accpet me ...
7th Aug 2014, 06:43 PM #2
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- May 2011
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Re: Pls advice
Hi Sri welcome to Penmai
நீங்க சொல்றது ரொம்ப சரி. கண்டிப்பா நீங்க உங்க அம்மா, அப்பாவை விட முடியாது, விடவும் கூடாது. ஆனா அவங்களுக்காக நீங்க உங்க கணவரை பிரிஞ்சா, உங்க பெற்றோர் தான் முதல்ல வருத்தத் படுவாங்க.
உங்க கணவர் குணம் தெரிஞ்சு தான் நீங்க அவரை கல்யாணம் பண்ணி இருக்கீங்க. நல்லா நிதானமா யோசிச்சு பாருங்க,
எனக்கு ஒரு விஷயம் தோணுது, நான் அதை சொல்றேன்.
கல்யாணம் ஆன முதல் கொஞ்ச நாள் கணவன், மனைவிக்கு அவங்க ரெண்டு பேரே போதும். ஆனா... சில வருஷம் கழிச்சு ஒரு இடைவெளி வரும், அதை சரி செய்யறது அவங்க குழந்தைகள் தான்.
உங்க கணவர் உங்க நிலை தெரிந்து தான் கல்யாணம் பண்ணி இருக்கார்... நீங்க ஒரு குழந்தையை தத்து எடுத்து வளர்க்கலாம், அது உங்க எல்லோருக்குமே நல்ல மாற்றம் தரும். நீங்க அதை பத்தி யோசிச்சிருகீங்களா....
நான் உங்களை வருத்தப்பட வைக்க இப்படி சொல்லலை. ரொம்ப சாரி நான் உங்களை ஹர்ட் பண்ணியிருந்தா. நான் ரொம்ப நேரம் யோசிச்சு போடலாமா, வேணாமான்னு குழம்பி தான் இருக்கேன். ஆனா எனக்கு சொல்லனும்ன்னு தோனுச்சு.
7th Aug 2014, 07:03 PM #3
Re: Pls advice
Welcome to Penmai Saisri.
Sad to know your situation.
But you should understand one thing.
Many husbands are of dominating characters only. Please don't think that only your husband is of this character. And all the married women who have husbands of this character and many other unwanted character(like anger etc)are still adjusting and spending their married life with their husband.
You need not leave your parents at all. why should you?
What you can do is, You can stay along with your husband and find a separate house for your parents nearer to your house. It may be in the same area or the nearby area.
You can talk to your husband for helping your parents, monetarily, if necessary.
Many Indian husbands will not like or accept their inlaws to stay with them. And we Indian ladies are in a position to accept this and there is no other go.
Moreover, as your parents say, most of the girl's parents will only want their daughter to lead a happier life with her husband. They will never like their daughter to stay with them for ever. They would feel guilty, if you stay with them only for their sake.This may also spoil their mental and physical health.
So, my suggestion is , you may immediately go and stay with your husband (and if necessary with your inlaws) and find a house nearby, for your parents to stay.
And you can say your husband that he may scold you whenever you both are alone and he can point out your mistakes, if any, and plead him not to scold in front of others which hurts you a lot.
Just for this dominating character of his, you need not leave him and stay alone.
What is your Deepavali Purchase ?