my moms motive to leave my husband?
Discussions on "my moms motive to leave my husband?" in "Married Life" forum.
16th Jul 2015, 08:43 PM #1Newbie
- Join Date
- Jul 2015
my moms motive to leave my husband?
i am married before 1 year to a guy. all went fine for 6 months, after that many problems are there in our life. he is working in malaysia, so i too went with him to malaysia.
now in our family misunderstanding between,
me and my husband
my husband any my mom
my mom and my dad
and final now me and my mom.
this is little big please forgive me and let me know how to lead my life.
i am the only daughter and he is only son in our families. as i am the only daughter my parents (my mom) are saying that i have to take care of them. but my husband not interested in this.
my mother inlaw and my husband avoids me to go to my moms home when we return india for leave.
my mom compelling me to come. after a month of marriage i was pregnant. now before 1 month i delivered baby boy. after delivery too my husband not allowing me to go to my parents home. i am in my inlaws home only. he went to malaysia after a week of delivery.
we had big fight after 1 week of delivery, he even scared me with knife infront of my parents that i should not go to my parents place.
i just talk with my parents daily 10 mins only that too without inlaws knowledge. my parents are telling me to leave him and come to them. we will get divorce and we live together. like that she is saying. but i don't know what to do?
any possibility of living good life with this person. or i have to get divorce and stay with my parents.
my mom and dad also gets fight because of this daily. they even had misunderstanding from my childhood. i dont know when peace will come to my life.
i am very much bothered about me and my son's future.
17th Jul 2015, 10:54 AM #2
Re: my moms motive to leave my husband?
Congrats @Ramya Vasu for your new born baby.
Sad to note the happenings and attitude of your family members.
No dear....your Mom is guiding you in the wrong path.
No Parent will (or should) guide their daughter to get divorced from her husband just because the husband is not allowing to take care of her parents. (in Indians'point of view).
She can tell this, if your husband has any extra marital affairs or any other problems which has no solution at all.
Is it enough for her to enjoy the married life and her daughter should not enjoy it and suffer alone among the society, with her child?
If your mom strictly needed your assistance throughout their life, then she should have got you married to a boy who is/will stay very nearer to their house. Or she should have insisted her condition to the bride groom and his parents, well before your marriage.
Most of the daughter's in-laws will never like their DIL to help or take care of her parents (totally) after her marriage.
Even if the husbands have a soft corner to help his in-laws, his parents would object and brain wash his mind , not to take care of his in-laws.
Now coming to your problem,
Please remember one thing. Your parents may not be too old to be taken care immediately. Your Mom may be in her mid or late 40's and your dad may be in his early 50's.
For normal persons (even if they are ailing from diabetes or BP...nowadays these are very common diseases) in this age, they can take care of themselves. Your Mom can take care of your dad.
I think , the below would have happened as soon as you were married.
Your mom or dad would have told your hubby and his parents , that it is your (and your hubby's) duty to take care of them, since you are their only daughter. And she could have told much more.
This talk would have created panic in your husband's and in-laws' mind about their burden.
That's why they are reacting like this today.
Whatever it is, the reaction of your husband by scaring you with a knife, is not at all acceptable.
But you may please forgive him as he would have done this in a bit of rage (annoyed with your mom's nagging)
Now what you should do is, never listen to your mom that you should get divorce from your husband.
This will not at all save your life. You will never have a bright future then. Your son will not be able to have his father's love and affection , which is very much necessary.
Your mom may tell that she would get you married to some other suitable guy , but this is not easily possible.
As you have told that your mom and dad are always fighting throughout their life, your life will become miserable if you go away from your husband.
So, please be calm for few more years.
Immediately after 2 more months (once you recoup from your delivery), please go back to Malaysia and stay with your husband.
Never try to visit your parent's house atleast for the next 2 to 3 years. And never talk to them even on phone in front of your husband or in-laws for atleast 6 months to 1 year.
Do not talk anything about your parents to your husband.
This is how you could gain confidence with your husband that you are listening and giving respect to his words.
After 1 year, you may just ask your husband when he is in a good mood, whether you could just talk to your parents over phone.
See his reaction. If he is not objecting, then create a soft corner that your parents will also love to hear the voice of your son.
Then little by little, after few more months, tell him that your parents will also like to visit your place to see their grandson.
If he is not objecting, then ask your parents to visit you for few weeks.
During their visit, please tell your mom, that she should not insist her wish (of taking care of them) to you or your husband. You tell her strictly that you want to have a hassle free married life and you have a wonderful husband who is taking care of you and your son. Your mother need not spoil your married life just by her ill/provocative talks.
Tell her that Love and affection(even to take care) should come naturally and not at all through compulsion.
When they return to India, ask your hubby whether you both could present them anything (just ask this as a suggestion for the product).
I am suggesting all these because, it will take little more time for the new Son-in-law to get accustomed to his in-laws.
Later, once he gains confidence in you , that you are listening to his words and not always keen to help your parents, he will also change his mind little by little and will accept to take care of your parents too.
Meanwhile, you take very good care of your in-laws. This will create a good opinion about you among everyone.
By this time, your parents would also have grown in age and they would need your care and help in their old age. This will be the right time to extend your help.
Last edited by jv_66; 17th Jul 2015 at 10:59 AM.Jayanthy
What is your Deepavali Purchase ?