‘Awaken the Durga in you’

Anandmurti Gurumaa believes that equanimity is intrinsic to a woman's nature. Yet there are those who suffer in life on account of relationships gone wrong.

Excerpts from her responses to seekers:

How to break free from a bad relationship? How can I gain self-confidence? I am feeling that I am losing life in vain because I have nothing to do. My husband cheated me and my two sons couldn't survive. It's decreasing my self-confidence. Show me some way - of how to overcome my own boundaries of being nice to everyone. I want to work but my husband always gets angry when I come home after him.

See, it is just a question of being in an unhealthy, confused relationship and trying to be faithful to the unfaithful one. One should make one's choices very rightly and I don't understand how a woman can deal with a person who has cheated you and yet is ordering you what to do and what not to do. Face the facts. You are just bonded in this relationship and you can only experience confidence when you take stock of all the situation and come out of it.

How to handle depression within my marriage? I have withstood 14 years of emotional abuse. I have two little children, aged eight and five. I am continuing the marriage for the sake of my children. Once they go to college, I plan to leave my husband and go back to India. However, I feel very depressed and would like to know how to stay peaceful until my children go to college?

Either you change your name or you do something about your life. You have such a powerful name, yet you seem to be so powerless and a weak woman who is not suited to the name Durga. So either change your name or your mindset. If you are not having a congenial, friendly relationship with your husband and if you're just waiting for your children to go to college, then you can decide for yourself. Have self-respect.
Why are you in depression? The option you have chosen is the best option you can make for yourself. As long as you are not happy in a marriage, there isn't a marriage. Most of the time, children are born accidentally, I always say, 'man and woman were having a good time in sex and the child was conceived and born and now this man and woman or husband and wife are stuck together because of the child'.

You are the perfect example of what I keep saying; you are stuck in marriage, you have no happiness in the marriage, and you are just waiting for your children to grow, you are just buying time. Please change your mindset, and know this: every woman is shakti. Until and unless she realises this, she cannot be shakti. You have to know it.

So find an interesting hobby for yourself, focus on yourself physically. Lose some weight, learn self-grooming, maybe join a music or dance class or join some social service group where you are able to help someone who is in bigger trouble than you! Most importantly, don't waste your life.

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