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Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples


Discussions on "Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples" in "My Better half" forum.


  1. #11
    Shalini_S is offline Newbie
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    Thank you parasakthi(Jayanthy), Lashmi and Lavanyap - here is the next part.

    Part2:
    I knew the kind of person I was looking for and after causing major hungama in so many people's lives with my break up (both his parents and my parents knew about us and had been ok with getting us married - they were all shocked with our break up) I wanted to make sure I did not make a mistake again and that all that was worth it.
    I came to USA to get away from that messy scene in my life and start fresh. Also it was a big dream for me to come to the US. After I came here, I studied and graduated and then found a job. There were a couple of proposals from a university friend and then from a co worker. I considered but decided no on both. I made sure I immediately informed them of my decision. I was so wary of love. Eventually I could not convnce my parents to wait anymore. They were sending photos and bio data and I felt like I was going crazy. I thought ok let me handle this maturely. I am very particular about what I want, so let me start searching properly. So I posted my profile in Tamilmatrimony.com and password protected my photo. Then I was looking and still didn't find anyone that sparked my interest. At one point I thought I am definitely going to stay single forever. I even thought God was punishing me for hurting that boy all those years back.
    Then one day I got a message from someone's profile. His name is Leo. He did not have a photo on the profile. But he was well educated and seemed like he had similar interests as me. He lived in the US too... I responded and sent my photo password and asked him to send more details about him and also his picture... Well he sent me a detailed email with more background information about him and also his picture. Avvlothaan...all my conditions and criteria flew out of the window. I was flat after I saw his picture. I was struggling so hard to be very level headed and calm until Iknew more about him and also until I knew he was also interested and then our parents also agreed etc. etc. There was such a long way to go and I did not want to behave like a teenager. ( I was 25 years old at that time) Then he called me and we had a small chat. Very formal...like "how are you? Thanks for sending the password... so what exactly do you do? Basically my sister just finished college and they are looking for alliance for her and then they want me to get married right after that and since I feel that this decision should be mine I started looking for a girl on my own" That last part confused me...I was like "So your parents don't know about the Tamil matrimony profile? " And he was like " not really, but I am planning on telling them in a couple of days...they don't understand computers and internet and all that" Then he said " its the long weekend this week and I am visiting some friends in Ohio, since I will be passing your place anyway, do you think we can briefly meet? " I was taken aback by this because it was all a bit too fast, it was only two days since his first message... I hesitated and told him I will let him know later that evening.. Now all this time, I was updating my parents about everything. They knew about the profile and I was sending them details about anyone that was contacting me etc. (Even they are not computer savy enough to check the website on thier own) When I told my parents they said he seems ok, so go ahead and meet him at a neutral and safe place. Also he had given his father's details and it turned out we are both from the same place (Trichy) and he did his undergrad in the same college that my dad is a professor... also they were the same caste as us, note that this was not in my criteria, but it did make the parents happy I called him back and told him I could meet him on that Saturday and I gave him the name and address of a nearby Indian restaurant.


    Final part will continue..


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    Last edited by Shalini_S; 18th Sep 2012 at 08:24 PM.

  2. #12
    Shalini_S is offline Newbie
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    Quote Originally Posted by Priyakash View Post
    Well Shalini!!!! It's a eight wonder that u were still level headed even after that so called "Thunder bolt" hit...

    Do mention the characteristics of your man, so that we can understand how your practical criteria's just fell off(I'm actually revisiting your criteria's to check if he had got a tick mark against that point...) and you joined the "Head over Heels in Love" club....

    Hi Priya, here is the check list with his characteristics...
    1. He should be at least 5' 10" tall -He is 5'11''
    2. Should be as educated or more educated than me. - He was doing PhD( but later he didn't graduate, athu vera vishayam) - I had done MS so
    3. Should be same religion as me (Definitely practical and can avoid many many problems) - He is
    4. Decent family back ground. - But I don't know that at that point.
    5. Does not have to have family money or wealth but should be in a good personal financial position (good paying job or business) - Well he was getting a small stipend and he had few more years to finish studies, so at that moment it was a question mark.
    6. Should be fluent in English - sumaar thaan - he made lots of mistakes in his emails...but athellam enga yen kannukku therinjuthu, I was more focussed on the photo!! ( Drooling smiley kedaikkala)
    7. Should be very broad minded and should be a person who would treat wife as an equal partner and a best friend. I couldn't tell for sure...but he seemed ok in this aspect, because he said he liked that I was totally independent...
    8. Should be at least 4 - 5 yrs older than me. (Because only then he will be as mature or more mature than me and that will make me respect him) - he is 4 years older than me, but he might as well be 4 years younger, he behaves like such a kid sometimes...ippo with my daughter he is worse...rendum adikkira lootikku, I am the evil Headmistress and they are the mischief kids in my school
    9. Should like music - at least just to listen. (Easy condition right? ) - he does, but if he sings intha oor thangathu!!
    10. Should have a sense of humor. He is a total joker only - I have to beg him to be serious!!!
    11. Should have a sense of some romance at least... - this is questionable...ayyaakku romance varaathu, romantic comedy thaan varum. Whenever he says "I love you kutty" he looks and sounds like a cartoon character. I ask him to be more serious and he will try his best, but in the end I will be bursting out laughing at his serious expression
    12. We both should have good Chemistry. Athukku panjame illa

    Last edited by Shalini_S; 18th Sep 2012 at 09:04 PM.

  3. #13
    Shalini_S is offline Newbie
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    Part 3 - Final

    Then that Saturday came and I was so nervous...I chose a light yellow chiffon salwar after a long time to decide what to wear...I was waiting at home since I was ready more than 30 mins before the time we had set. The restaurant was just 5 mins from my apartment. Then he called me and said he'll be there in 20 mins. After some more painful minutes of waiting, I left to the restaurant...as I was parking the car I saw two guys getting out of another car, but i didn't pay much attention as that was an Indian restaurant and many indians come there...I was struggling to park the car properly as I was very nervous...then finally I got out of the car and those two guys were looking directly at me...one guy was sooooo tall the other guy shorter..Now I knew Leo was 5' 11" but the tall guy did not look anything like the picture...then I saw the shorter guy and realized he is the one in the picture...then I realized the taller guy was very very tall like 6.7 thats why Leo looked shorter he had brought his friend with him so that I wont feel too uncomfortable to meet some guy alone so Sweet and decent of him no? Then I gave a tentative smile at them and we moved into the restaurant...they both made me feel very comfortable, just like a casual meeting with friends..we chatted about politics and movies etc. nothing serious. Then after we were done with lunch, I invited them both to my apartment for coffee or something... they then followed my car and I served some drinks...then his friend Karthik got a phone call and he went outside pretending signal reception was weak inside. Now we were left alone He smiled and told me he is going to call his dad tonight. I asked him what that meant...he said it means he wants to get married to me as soon as possible (I am on cloud nine) Then he asked what about me? I said "what what abt me? " He said "will you talk to your parents?" " I said "I already have and they know every detail about him" He just smiled and said ok its time to leave I will call you once I reach my friend's place in Ohio. And then he got up and walked towards the door...I got up too and before he left the outside door he turned back and gave me a smile, a smile that was meant only for me...I thought I was going to faint. And I knew that moment that no matter how mature we get and how practical we try to be, love just sneaks up on us. I was so in love that even though I knew so little about him I didn't care. I just knew he was my soulmate and I could imagine having kids and getting old with him and I could not imagne anyone else in that place...
    The rest is history, he spoke to his dad that night and his dad really liked my family background etc. He emailed my photos to his brother and his whole family liked me! My brother in law was so sweet he censored all the pictures I was wearing jeans and skirts and only showed his parents the pics where I wore saree, salwar etc. My in-laws know that wearing western outfits is not a big deal these days, but still when they see a would be daughter in law for the first time they would prefer to see her in saree no? My arumai husband didn't know all that. But luckily my BIL did and my in-laws liked the pictures a lot. Same with my family...My father typical of a girls father secretly arranged to 'visarichufy' about his family and found that they were very much to his liking and satisfaction, although they were a little bit financialy not up to us. My dad asked me if I was ok with that? I said we both are educated and can have good financial security in a few years, why should I worry about whether his family has money or not. My dad again adviced me to think more because he still has a sister not yet married, his younger brother is not yet settled etc. I was too much in love to think about all that. I told him I will manage all that. So he was ok. He liked the family overall so this money issue was not a big one for him too.

    The only sad part was they fixed our marriage date to 8 months later!! His dad said they would keep looking for an alliance for Leo's sister and if anything works its fine otherwise our wedding will take place on the fixed date. Actually they did not find a match for his sister until after our wedding,. Then I made it a point to look for her and found a great match for her. She got married exactky 1 yr after our wedding.
    So its 6 1/2 years now and we have a 3 1/2 yr old vaalu ponnu. Its as though we just met yesterday. So in love with my husband and you know what? He meets every single one of my conditions even though I did not know it when I met him

    Last edited by Shalini_S; 19th Sep 2012 at 11:12 PM.

  4. #14
    mahara is offline Friends's of Penmai
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    என்னோட கல்யாண கதையை சொல்ல ஆசை வந்துருச்சு


    After finishing college, even though i was selected in campus interview, i didn't get a call from the company about the join date for 3 months, Job market was also not good at that time, i was decided that to join the ME. I went to my cousin's sister's place in Chennai and was preparing for GATE. My cousin always talk about her husband's relative guy -Chandru, who is working in US, ask his help to get a job.I am very shy , not a very talkative person,. i just ignored my cousin and carried on with my studies. One day when i returned from tuition, my cousin's home was filled with relatives, they were making a stop at my cousin's on the way to Tirupathi. I was out from the morning, skipped lunch that day, i must looked horrible that day.One of the relatives asking my cousin that, Srini ponna ithu ? avanga amma, appa colouruku , ponnu sumarana colora erruku? I was so shocked to hear that comment. I just went to my room didn't come to hallway until they left the house. After they left , My cousin told that they were Chandru's whole family(?!). I was thinking that i should never meet these people again in my life. Ninaipathu nadakumma ???

    Thanks
    Jothi ChandraSekar


  5. #15
    mahara is offline Friends's of Penmai
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    I moved on with my life, got good Gate score, got the ME admission , waiting to join. One day my mom called me and asking to come immediately to my native place - Sivakasi and telling that Chandru's family is coming to see me, enakku vanthathe kovam, Ennamma loosa nee ?? I will not come, just forget it. I disconnected the phone. After 5 mins, i got a call from my dad, he told me that chandru's one of chithappa and my dad were school friends and he can't immediately say "no" to the proposal. I was not happy, but went to native place.
    Chandru's whole family came except him. (totalla 40 people in one family - 6 chittappa, 2 athai and their kids--- periyya family). Chandru's grand dad and dad were praising him very much , these are the words .. handsome , very talented , he has Jetta car ?? enaku appo Jettanu oru car erukurathu kuda theriyathu... eppadiya peruma pesuvanga, thangalada samy. I didn't like all these chit chat. I was hoping them to leave soon. Chandru's mom came to my room , She was very pretty and had a beautiful smile on her face. She took my hand in her hand and told me that don't worry , they are too much to take , they are harmless, being a eldest DIL in the family, I understand what you are going through. But you will get used to them. At that moment I want to get to know Chandru and his family more...She took my phone number and email id , and gave Chandru's photos and email id. After seeing chandru's photo I thought avanga sonnathu perumai illa , nijam than.

    Thanks,
    Jothi ChandraSekar


  6. #16
    mahara is offline Friends's of Penmai
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    My dad asked me to scan some photos and send it to chandru, That time Broad band WIFI connection and digital camera yellam famous illa, Film camera thaan. I still remember I send my photos on Saturday afternoon around 12.30. In 10 mins , I got call from Chandru.Ethu thaan enga first conversation.Hi I am Chandrasekar, Friends call me Chandu .. My mind voice .. enna chandu , ponthu .. nalla name eppadiya spoil panuvanga??
    Hi I am MaharaJothi..everyone call me Jothi..after that i don't know what to say..
    but Chandu continued on and on.. I realized after our call , he is such a each going person.I didn't join ME and decided to get marry.
    Then we talked for 3 months.. mostly he talked
    He had seen me in my cousin's place in person (i looked horrible that day,even he decided to marry me,hoe sweet of him). but i didn't see him that day. Only Photo


    Thanks,
    Jothi ChandraSekar


  7. #17
    mahara is offline Friends's of Penmai
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    In earlier days Company itself take care of L2 dependent visa, We need to just give the marriage certificate and go to the company to sign the papers. We don't go to embassy. But it takes few weeks to get the visa approval. Chandru didn't want me to come alone to USA after marriage.So we decided to do register marriage before the actual marriage and move the Visa process. I actually meet him in person on the day of our register marriage . I don't have words to explain what i felt that day.
    Our personalities are just opposite.
    he is talkative, i am shy.
    he is modern but i am traditional.
    he likes non-veg, i am veg.
    he like pets, i am scared of them.
    he never get angry, I am short tempered.
    List goes on ... but we like and love each other so much , We are happily married for 10 years with 2 kids (boy and girl).
    Chandrasekar engira chandu become my chandumma ..

    Thanks,
    Jothi ChandraSekar


  8. #18
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    Hi friends
    Yenaku nan PG 2nd yr padikum bodhae Jathagam parka arambichitanga. Yenaku vara husband nalla understanding ah irukanum and partha udanae oru feel irukanumngardu my expectation.
    Niraya jathagam parthanga about one year pola. there came a boy photo from london. All were satisfied but yenaku yenavo vendamnu sollitu irunthen. So appa and ammakum yenakum argue poitu irukum bodhu than my hubby photo jathagam seriya irukkunu anupi irunthanga.

    so nan parka matennu orae sandai pottu irunthen. then my grand pa called me and convinced and he is hundred percent sure about his character apadinulam convince pananga. he is also a astrologer.
    idhu than mudiyumnu sollittu irunthanga. I am from Salem and he is in chennai. I told chennai lam yenaku othu varadhunu. Apadilam sandai pottenga.

    Ponnu parka vandhanga from chennai. As usual thaniya pesunganu sonnanga. roomla poi pesarthuku utkandom. he was asking me questions and nan answer paninadhu yedhuvumae avangalku kekala. Veru kathu thanga varudhu apaingara range la pesittu irundhen (ipadi pesardhae kekala yepadi kalatha otrathu mike vanganum polanu ninachirukar apram thana therinjathu internally built mike irukkunu). then they fixed engagement date and he got my mail ID and went.

    Engagement ku 20 days than irunthathu (march). he sent me a mail. Chennai ponom engagement ku. apayum he was trying to talk i was hiding behind my father or moved the place. ( romba bayantha subavamnu ninachirukaru)

    then may la marriage fix pannirunthanga. till april end had nt talked even through phone. my parents and his parents were talking. my mother in law called and wished for tamil new year but he did nt called.

    May first week he joined new office. then appo than i got mobile and my brother gave a msg from my mobile to his mobile. oru fwd msg which my cousin sent to me to him. Andha msg romba urukama irukum. like "nenga pakatha illayaenu feel panren apadi ipadinu" but atlast nan onion urikaren adhu nala thangara madiri varum."

    Ivanga fulla padikama andha msg ah yen brother in law kitayum kamichirukaru. ivara reply panna solli irukkaru. then ivarum touching lines lam anupichanga. then i said fulla msg padinganu. ipadi than yenga first msg start achu. appolam (2004) msg is not free.
    irunthalum asarama msg panirukom.

    Apram two days before marriage he just called me and asked me what i was doing. i said i am watching movie. that time "munpaniya mudhal mazhaiya" song from Nandha was going on. he said namma situtaionku thagundha madiri irukkunu sonnanga. Appa thanga oru bulb erunjuthu.
    Appram marriage mudinju yena avanga veetla vittu amma appa kilambum bodhu i cried in room all alone. tholla sachutu nan irukken unaku yen azharanu sonnanga. appo andha voice la irundha love la i am flat.

    Once i cried before him for some reason. he also started crying azhathanu. since then till today i will not cry in front of him. Romba affectionate. ipo kuda nan marriage ku munnadi paninatha ninachena i will laugh how childish i was nu. he will say at each of our anniversary that ivalav days than agirukku marriage agi. he will convert years to days.. And too he is more than a son to my parents. I am lucky to have him as my husband.

    Last edited by ramyas; 23rd Oct 2012 at 04:43 PM.


    Ramya


    சந்தோசம் இருக்கும் இடத்தில் வாழ நினைப்பதை விட
    நீ இருக்கும் இடத்தில் சந்தோஷத்தை உருவாக்கு
    உன் வாழ்க்கையில் நிறைவு இருக்கும் ....

    Don't Worry............ Be Happy.......



  9. #19
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    hi பராசக்தி thanks for this thread pa . என்னோட love after arranged marriage பற்றி சொல்றேன் . 10 years back . i was student ஜஸ்ட் finished final exams அண்ட் doing housesurgeon . my condition for marriage was he must be a teatotaller thatsall என்னோட parents உம் அதே மாதிரி ஒருதரை என்னோட profession லையே பிடிச்சுட்டாங்க . we met at temple. அதுவரை love at firstsight எல்லாம் கதையில் மட்டும் தான் படிச்சிருக்கிறேன். அவரை பார்த்தவுடன் என்னக்கு தோன்றியது இது மட்டும் தான் இவர் தான் என்னவர் . என்ன காமெடி என்றால் என்னக்கு இது முன்னால் வரைக்கும் ஒரு விருப்பம் இருந்தது my husband should be a tall man and i have rejected the same varan some three yrs back for the same reason ( at that time i was 18yr only) with out seeing or not even knowing his name. i said ok at that place itself. my parents didn't expect that. because they know me very well. they asked many times to reconsider the decision. i was stubbern. he also said ok after knowing my answer. then my mother in law came to me asked why did i say no three yrs back. i was just blinking. appuram than enga romance arambikuthu


  10. #20
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    Re: Special thread for Arranged Marriage Couples

    ஒரு வாரத்திற்கு அப்புறம் அவர் என்னை hostel இல் பார்க்க வந்தார் அதவும் அவரோட friends compel பண்ணியதால். நான் கேட்டேன் இப்போதான் என் ஞாபகம் வந்ததா ? அவ்வளோவுதான் அவர் tension ஆகி அப்போ ஆரம்பித்த romance தான் marraige வரைக்கும் 3மாசம் நாங்க phone பேசிய நேரத்தை விட பேசாத நேரம் தான் குறைவு . அப்போ எல்லாம் செல்போன் ரொம்ப பழக்கத்தில் கிடையாது . hostel landline தான் . நான் duty முடிந்து 9 மணிக்கு வந்தால் இரவு 3 மணி வரை பேசுவோம் . நேரில் வந்தால் i will be at duty . அவர்தான் என்னோட 3/4th வேலை யை பார்பர் . அம்மா அப்பாவோட கண்டிஷன் என்னவென்றால் வெளியே எங்கும் suthakoodathu . எல்லாமே hospitalcampous உள்ளே தான் . புக்ஸ் உள்ளே ஒவொரு பேஜ் இலும் அவரோட போட்டோ வைத்து இருப்பேன் . அவர் எனக்கு மேல் ஆனால் mature ஆகா இருப்பார் வெளியே kaattikollavilleiyendralum உருகிவிடுவர் . என்னை விட6yrs சீனியர் இல்லையா . என்ன காமெடி என்றல் நாங்க same college மீட் பண்ணியதே கிடையாது . அதற்காக நங்கள் feel பண்ணியதும் அதிகம். என்னோட friends எல்லாம் காதில் புகை விடாத குறைதான் போங்க . அப்புறம் என்னங்க எனக்கு எப்போவெல்லாம் வேலை அதிகமாக இருக்கிறதோ அப்போவெல்லாம் ஊரில் இருந்து கிளம்பி வந்து help செய்து விட்டு போவார் . அதை விட என்ன sweet நியூஸ் என்னவென்றால் முதலில் என்னை பற்றி அவர் கேட்டது அவரோட firend 's lover இடம் . அவள் சொன்னதெல்லாம் நான் ரொம்ப அடம் அண்ட் பிடிவாதம் பிடிப்பேன் என்று.ஆனால் அவர் சொல்லிவிட்டார் இதை என் அன்பால் மாற்றிவிடுவேன் என்று. அதற்கு அப்புறம் தான் என்னை பெண் பார்க்கவே வந்திருக்கிறார். கேள்விப்பட்ட பொழுது ரொம்ப சந்தோஷமா இருந்தது


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