13 Signs Your Online Friendship is Turning Sexy

The Internet has given us many things: the ability to order virtually anything and have it shipped to our front door, the ability to access the world's news and music with a click of a button, and an endless supply of photos of cats asking for cheeseburgers.

It's also given us proximity and intimacy with people who might be miles and miles away, leading many people to have more opportunities for falling in love-- or cheating-- than they would have otherwise. Reconnecting with old flames on Facebook can most certainly be a harmless exercise, but it also (ask any divorce attorney!) can be risky business. Similarly, even garden-variety friendships with no romantic past can morph into something sexier online, sometimes before you even realize what's happening. Whether it's an ex, a colleague, or a supposed "just friend," here are some warning signs that your friendship is becoming sexually charged:

  • Are you tempted to keep your contact secret because your partner "wouldn't understand"?
  • Are you overly concerned with crafting the image that you portray to this person?
  • Do you find yourself sharing confidences with this person that you wouldn't- or couldn't- share with your partner?
  • Do you find yourself comparing this partner to your partner, and putting your partner in a negative light?
  • Do you seem to get a little too excited to get a message from this person, or find yourself spending a lot of mental energy anticipating them?
  • Has the talk gotten racy or significantly flirtatious, even in a way that you try to justify is just "joking around?"
  • Do you have pangs of jealousy of this person's partner?
  • Have you noticed that the more frustrated or bored you are with your partner, the more contact you have with this person?
  • Do you find yourself wanting this person to be attracted to you, even if you convince yourself you're not attracted to him or her?
  • Do you have an idealized notion of this person?
  • Do you make excuses for your relationship with this person, or how much time you spend together or how frequent your contact is? Do you sometimes blame it on your partner?
  • Have you tried to take a step back, or set limits on your contact, and had trouble doing so?
  • Have you seen a signficant progression in the intensity of your thoughts and feelings about the relationship?

If you answered yes to more than a few of these questions, there are probably some feelings developing that are more than friendly in nature. This might be just what you're looking for. But if you or the other person are in a committed relationship with someone else, it could spell disaster
Andrea Bonior, Ph.D

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