Most Common Mistakes Parents Make
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4th Jun 2012, 12:11 PM #1
Most Common Mistakes Parents Make
Today i read an article in net and thought to sharing with you all.
Parents want the best for their children. Whether it's keeping them busy or giving them choices, we feel it's our job to keep them happy. But being an indulgent parent who's afraid of upsetting their kids at all costs actually does more harm than good. Here, we reveal the top five mistakes our loving parents make - and how to avoid them.
NEGOTIATING TOO MUCH
Many parents think they're only being fair and democratic when they ask kids their opinions on everything from what they want to wear to what they would like for dinner.
It's a habit especially hard to break for working parents, who feel guilty for not being around. But it may surprise many mums and dads to learn that kids actually want to be told what to do most of the time and can be frightened when they feel in control. Children, especially when they are young, need structure.
When parents have come to a decision, many then make the mistake of trying to reason with their kids. Instead, children will take it as an opportunity to try to wear parents down.
Don't enter into a debate. Once you have made your mind up, keep your explanation brief. Make eye contact and state clearly, in 30 words or less, why that's the rule. The other mistake is when parents make requests sound optional.
If you want your child to have a bath but it comes across like a question, your child may well take advantage by saying "no" and you will have a row on your hands. "Don't feel guilty about asserting yourself. That's your job."
NEVER LETTING KIDS GET BORED
How often has your child whined: "I'm bored," as if it's your fault? Many mums and dads feel that unless they are constantly stimulating their children they are failing.
These days, parents often feel the need to manage their children's lives in every respect. Because we no longer let them out to play in the street or even out of our sights, parents have come to feel that keeping youngsters busy is their responsibility.
But a little boredom can be good for them. It can teach them to be creative with their time and to learn life isn't always exciting. By all means, ask them what kind of activities they might be interested in doing. But, beyond that, leave it to them.
Also bear in mind that "I'm bored" can sometimes mean something else. Often a teenager who says they're bored is using it as a weapon to annoy parents or as a way to be dismissive.
BUYING THEM EVERYTHING THEY ASK FOR
Many kids will come home with tales of how they are the only one of their friends not to have the latest trainers or computer game. Many parents shower their children with so many gifts, the kids don't learn the value of money. It's a real danger for working parents who use presents as a substitute for not spending more time with their children. Kids play the guilt card really well.
They will tell you that so and so's parent has given them the thing that they want. But it's a manoeuvre. Just say, 'That's very generous of them' and move on'.
If they want something really badly, let them earn it. The lesson is that if you struggle to get something, you value it more. So if a child really wants something, suggest they do some jobs around the house to earn the pocket money to buy it.
PUSHING KIDS TOO HARD
These days, there's far more pressure, and from an early age, on kids to succeed.
Parents are constantly told that however well a child does at school is down to the parenting they received.
The result is that parents who think they are doing the best for their kids actually do them more harm. Many parents feel their child's success is a reflection on them. But you have to ask yourself whose needs are being met - yours or your child's?