Discussions on "Building bridges" in "Teenagers" forum.
7th Nov 2012, 05:15 PM #1
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In this thread, I am basically discussing parent and teen interactions and how a small disagreement gets totally blown out of proportions!
I am narrating an example of real incident happened in my friends' house. Here the noun ' I ' represents the teenage girl.
I had recently gone out with my friends for lunch followed by a movie (3:30 PM show).
I don't have a vehicle of my own and I had to take a bus back home.
I left the cinema only around 6:30 PM. Whereas I had informed my mother I would return by 6:00PM.
Anyway I caught a bus and much of my dismay, I caught in a traffic jam.
I finally got home at around 8:00 PM, walked inside with a grin, and there stood my mother all red in the face........!
What ensued was not a very pretty sight!
My mother demanded to know why I was so late and a reason for my irresponsibility. I began my explanation of why and how and all that resulted in was my mother telling me off and saying " don't give me excuses!". That pushed me off the edge!
Pretty soon I was shouting and so was my mother..at each other of course! And then I got up and stormed off to my room and .......BANG!!!!! The door almost splintered.
"Gosh!!, They are so unreasonable! Why don't they ever understand? I hate this place! Why make such a big deal of every small thing?! I came home only two hours late..... Big deal!!" .....were just a FEW things running through my mind.
What I failed to see was the reason behind my mothers' shouting.
When parents and teenagers argue, parents usually imagine something has gone terribly wrong - that they've failed as parents or their teenagers are especially awful. What have they done, they often wonder, to let their sweet, obedient, charming children turn into such monsters????????
In fact, while teenage wand parent conflicts can clearly get out of hand and be a worry, its actually perfectly normal for parents and their children not to see eye to eye during the teenage years, the reason is that teenagers want to learn to stand on their own feet, they need to explore their own needs and voice their own opinions and become themselves. Perhaps the only thing more difficult than being a teenager is parenting one.
While hormones, the struggle for independence, peer pressure and an emerging identity wreak havoc in your soul, issues of how much autonomy to grant, how much "attitude" to take, what kind of discipline is effective, which issues are worth fighting about, and how to talk to offspring-turned aliens challenge your parents' patience.
In adolescence can be conceptualized as a journey from childhood to adulthood, parenting adolescents can also be thought of as a journey. To guide a child to adulthood, to ingrain values, to help negotiate social relationships, and to see new ideas, goals and independence emerge in a child can be an adventure and like any adventure, the thrill is in the journey. Although teenagers will make their own choices, the sense of connection between parent and teenager is crucial to successful understanding.
After my mother and I had both calmed down, I went and asked her why she got so upset. She had very little to say and told me that it was concern that took the form of anger she was worried sick about my whereabouts and to see me walk in with a broad grin on my face set her off! She also told me that she was annoyed that I didn't even bother to call her. She then asked me what happened and I told her about the traffic jam. I also told her that I thought she was unfair for shouting at me, without listening to what I had to say and that I wasn't giving excuses for my late arrival. I apologized.
So the problem lies in the communication gap. So the next time you walk in late, or talk on the phone for longer than 15 minutes and you hear one of your parents yelling, just stop and listen to what they have to say and then tell your point of view. I guarantee a lot less fighting and shouting. Just try to see the situation from their angle.
I have begun looking at things from both sides and so has my mother! Just ask her! We haven't had an altercation for a long time. And I must say that she and I agree with each other a lot more!