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Much confused over selection.


Discussions on "Much confused over selection." in "Weddings" forum.


  1. #1
    reswari85 is offline Newbie
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    Unhappy Much confused over selection.

    Friends,

    This is reswari ( forgotten the pwd and so created new id ).

    Am in a much confused state now. As u know, am engaged with a guy. Nearly 2 months passed. And marriage is fixed by Feb 1st.

    For past 15 to 25 days, my would b is asking me to reduce my wt instantly. As u all guided me, i too told him all the positive and negative things of reducing wt instantly. He just tells me " why r u telling reasons for reducing wt, dont blame like this.. ".

    He often tells me that " i told my parents at the beginning of the first meet that u r looking fat and so i dont want u. They only told me that u r normal and i wanna operate my eyes... ". I thought that he is just feeling for his selection & everything could end up good after marriage. Then he stared to tell me that " my friends wives are slim and beautiful, i dont know what u will do before marriage. I want u too look slim and beautiful. Don't tell any reasons for that ..".

    As days passed he used to speak only 4 sentence continuously when ever he talk with me. when i call him and ask had ur food ? He replies, " yep i had. Have u done exercise ? Have u reduced ur wt ? I dont know what u will do, i wanna u to look slim and beautiful .. ". I got annoyed of his words. Am speaking from my heart pa, he wont speak anything else other that this and he cut his phone. I got tensed once and asked him why do u do like this. For that he told me same. " I want a nice and beautiful gals like andhra or malayali or delhi gals, who is slim and beautiful... " and added with the previous lines " i told my parents ......... ..................... ........... ............ they told to operate my eyes .. ".

    You think of my situation there ? How could i move back with him normally ? I stopped speaking as normally even. Once his parents met me and told i have reduced my wt. And they asked me nt to reduce anymore. They have told that to him too. He called me at once and asked me to take a pic of mine and snd him. I don't have a photogenic face and in pic i was looking fat. What can i do for that ?

    He called me next day and told he is upset a lot because of my looks. He also added " R u looking like a bride ? ur looking like a 40yrs grand ma, i dont like at all. Again same story of telling parents and all those friends wives , andhra malayali bla bla and ended with hurting words.. ". I just got vexed over that finally.

    I told my mom and brother what happened. I called his mom and uncle, told what happened. Everyone was shocked. I was able to guess that he dont like me. He was spoke by their parents and then asked to speak to me. Once again he mentioned the same that i look like grand ma. I was much vexed and depressed over his words and spoke to their family to see a gal of 16 yrs as he liked.

    I told my family abt his wish and told to stop the process. They spoke and telling me now that he accepted me with full heart. Now we dont speak at all a word and dont msg too. After this things, am feeling shame to stand before his parents. I am feeling much inferior now. Infact he is wheatish complexion and am very fair. Everyone could tell me as Brahmin gal. Yet he feeling me as .... How can i move with a guy who dont like me?

    Please tell me nice result for me.

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  2. #2
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    Re: Much confused over selection.


    Reswari,

    It is really sad to note that, your so called FIANCEE is behaving in this manner.

    I feel, that, it is not better to continue your marriage schedule with this type of guy, who does not like you right from the beginning.

    If it continues and ends up in marriage, he may stick to his views about you, which he has , from the beginning.

    Actually, parents should consult well with the boy or girl, before the engagement. This is NOT A CHILD'S PLAY. They should never CONVINCE either the boy or girl for the MARRIAGE.

    Tell your parents and his parents that this MAY NOT WORK WELL, to continue with the marriage schedule.

    I know the pains in cancelling the schedule. But it is BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.


    Last edited by jv_66; 6th Dec 2012 at 04:08 PM.
    Jayanthy





  3. #3
    reswari85 is offline Newbie
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    Re: Much confused over selection.

    Jayanthi , thanks for ur immense reply.

    I have told this too to my family members. But yet they are not listening me properly. I don't have good friends to make them understand my heart.

    To be very frank, because of his words to reduce wt, i have stopped having food properly even. Even if am hungry i am starving to reduce my wt. They don't feel my heart even. They are noticing my food habits is changed and am not having food properly. But they just don't care about that too.

    Nowadays i started to hate having food. When ever i see the food ( which i love to have , even if am hungry ), i just go off from that and hate having foods. Am much more vexed. I started to hate marriage a lot now. Kindly help me to stop this and make me have peace of mind.


  4. #4
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    Re: Much confused over selection.


    How can your parents be like this?

    It is really miserable. They do not care for their daughter's wishes, which is a valid one.

    Finally, you can have an elaborate talk with your FIANCEE. Go to a calm place, and talk with him. Ask him whether, he is in love with anybody else (may be the reason to avoid you as his partner ). Tell him that being a little fat is not a big issue in life and only the good heart matters. You can also tell him that you are not concerned much about your complexion differences. Later, in life, he may also gain weight and you may not reject him for this simple reason. If, even after this, he is repeating the same issue, better ASK HIM TO STOP THE MARRIAGE, before the wedding cards are issued.


    Jayanthy





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    Re: Much confused over selection.

    Hi,

    My sincere advice is to postpone the marriage go to gym to reduce your weight. Out of my personal experience it took nearly 1 1/2 years for me to reduce my weight by nearly 20 Kgs. followed by a health diet but should be regular and one should have hope. But in your case i don't know about your financial situation. It took for me nearly 25000/- for 11/2 years. One thing you ask your would be suppose if your slim now and you had put on weight after marriage what he will do?

    I have provided you a suggestion rest is in your hand whether to continue with marriage or not.

    It is the right time for taking a decision, it is your life so take a good decision.

    All the best.

    Please do reply.

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  6. #6
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    Re: Much confused over selection.

    hi sriviji,

    Thats really great to know that you succedded in losing your weight. If possible can you pls share your success story with other Penmai friends, it will help many of them who are trying to lose their weight.

    weight loss success stories

    sumathisrini likes this.
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  7. #7
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    Re: Much confused over selection.

    Hi Friend

    I'm sorry for you. See Eswari this is a bit difficult thing to decide. But u have to take a firm decision who ever it can be u parents / other circumstances it is going to be a matter of days for them but for you it is going to be ur entire life. From ur writings I felt (please note it's my view) it is not your weight it is something of your better-half's mindset. Now he is comparing ur figure with others later on he might do this with other things. so it is better to stop the wedding. See all human being do mistakes. I'm not saying that ur better half is wrong. I'm saying he may not be a suitable person like you. Before marriage if somebody is forcing you to do this. It's very bad. Don't spoil yourself. Eat well. Love urself. U should think ur beautiful saying is easy. but nothing is impossible. If u started changing yourself now then it will lead to think that you can be changed to his choice willingly it has to happen likewise he should not force u. Tell him that u cann't lose your weight. even now if he is calm think the life after marriage. Please you have a lot of time now. Take wise decision. This is going to be ur life so decide fast and be smart. Talk to your parents. Sure they will understand. Good luck. Be bold

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    Re: Much confused over selection.

    Dear Rudhraa,

    I am happy to share about how I lost my weight. Two things are essential one is patience and other one is hope. I was dedicated towards my goal. I will be regular and I strictly followed the diet provided by my dietician. Atlast a day came when I was able to wear all my favorite dress. I cannot forget the day in my life. Even after losing weight try to maintain by going for a walk.

    Regards,
    Viji

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  9. #9
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    Re: Much confused over selection.

    Wow eswari, It must be really hard to hear your wouldbe compare to some other girls.
    Really he has some troubled mindset. Reducing weight is good, if he tells for your health, then it can be accepted that too reducing to your BMI index. But comparing to other women, and other state girls and using harsh words is not acceptable even after your marriage. From your posts i can clearly see that you have started developing inferiority complex. If you are not comfortable with your physique then your confidence will go very low. From your posts, He was convinced by his parents to go with the proposal. even after your talks, he was still convinced by his parents. One thing for sure... Your parents and his parents will not come with your and in your personal moments all through life. There is a line where they will stop and convince themselves as this is your fate or will repent after they made their mistakes. In either case, your life is going to get spoiled.
    You should have a clear talk with your fiancee before marriage face to face. Clear with all your doubts. Just dont sit and think the parents will take care of the situation and also dont think everything will be alright once you get married. Your parents are thinking and worrying about the social name if at all your marriage is postponed or has to be stopped. but Clearly it doesnot matter at all, as his behaviour is like this after marriage(using harsh words just because you have added weights) and your love and commitment doesnot matter at all, then your marriage life will be hell.. Forcing anybody will never make a good platform for marital relationship. Just talk with him, and ask him, does he even developed the commitment towards you, Started liking you regardless of your weight problem. Tell him comparing with his friends wife really hurts you and how will he feel if you do it. Ask him being slim is only thing that will make him accept you or love you.. What if you have put on weight after marriage for pregnancy. What if you become anorexic because of sudden loss of appetite and become weak and vulnerable and need medical attention. Is he going to hurt you after marriage too by his words and develop your inferiority complex. After marriage, can he tell with the pride that "you are his wife, no matter how you are? or is he going to stop taking you to places and functions and gettogethers just because he thinks, you will embarass him before his friends and their wifes by your weight(what he thinks is slim)?
    Really think and act and firm on your decision before your family distribute their cards. Marriage is not a joke. Its not like our parents time, where they will tolerate anything and everything for the sake of family pride. Now, It all reduced to individuals compatibility and how well they respect each other...and support each other in sickness and health...
    So all i can say is just talk with him clearly and decide. Never take your decision for sentimental blackmails. You have convince your parents if you find that he will not change from his mindset and is not compatible for you.. Dont give up eating... Eat well and healthy...


    All the very best!!!

    sumathisrini likes this.

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