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Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)


Discussions on "Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)" in "Weddings" forum.


  1. #1
    SASI1981SELVA is offline Newbie
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    Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    my marriage has been fixed,but my brides family are very orthodox and are expecting me to be orthodox as well. As a result I will have to undergo the changes below hope and I have a plenty of concerns. I can ask these from my brides family but i do not want to give an impression that I am not keen on the marriage I am from a different community but it is difficult to find a match for my horoscope , so a family friend introduced their family and me and the bride liked each other and our horoscopes matched so we decided to go ahead with the marriage, and I want to get married despite the possible bottlenecks I face, given the fact you might have faced similar problems, I hope you'll will share some thoughtsHair Bun I will have to grow my hair long like ladies and I will have to make my hair into bun.This will stay with me for the rest of my life. At the point of marriage they say I will have to have a bun at least the size of an orange. For this
    1.1 How long it will take the hair to grow so that I could make bun of that size and what will be the length of my hair to make an orange size bun ? I am under pressure because as per custom girls in my brides family get married by 27, but my bride is 28 so they want the marriage as soon as possible
    1.2 Will it be difficult for me to maintain my hair as a male I will have to encounter the problem of baldness as well in my future life although i do not have baldness now !!
    Ear Studs I will be required to pierce my ears and wear 7 stone diamond nose studs(or known as vaira thodu in south india), I will have to wear it for rest of my life as well.
    1. How long before my wedding should I pierce my ear so that I could start wearing these studs because the studs will be large and have a thick stem,according to my brides family the stud is 12mm in width and 9gms in weight
    1.1 After the initial piercing will I be required to make the whole larger again to accommodate the large vaira thodu
    1.2 what will happen to my ear lobes in the long term as I will be required to wear the studs 24x7, will my lobes droop when I visited my in laws I found a few men over the age of 40s with drooped ear lobes and struggling to move their face, but I saw older men like 60 -70 with firm ear lobes.
    #As a part of the ceremony metti(Toe ring) will placed on my feet and I will have to wear it.
    # I will also have to wear a poonool (although they are not brahmins)
    Social Factors
    As I told you my bride's family are very orthodox people from kumbakonam. Although they are very well l educated and up in the social order they maintain the practices still, the thing is that not all the men and women are supposed to be orthodox there are some traditional & religious reasons for that. The reason they have asked me to become orthodox is because my bride(She will also be required to become orthodox once we are married and she is also sad and worried)is the first child in the family and the obviously the first girl as well, so as result me and my bride have to be orthodox couple. And only 50 % of the population from my brides background are orthodox. (That is the people who fall into the requirements)
    1. I am a educated professional and I find it hard to digest how I will look once I have become orthodox from shirts & trousers I will have to wear veshti.
    1.1 I am very embarrassed to wear studs and have a bun it would be wierd to go public like that, with people staring at me in curiosity
    1.2 I want to know how painful it will be to pierce ears and wear large ear studs.
    1.3 Although me and my wife will be inheriting considerable wealth, as per custom I will have to do some kind of work, but as because I have to orthodox I will have to work within the community, which means I will have to I am allowed to work in agriculture or in the temple. My brides family told me that I will have to work in the temple which their family belongs to but because I am not brahmin the work I could do is restricted and they have told me they will find a job as cleaner & maintenance person at the temple, this is also bit hard to adjust to after having a corporate life style for 8 years.
    Please help me to find solutions and adjust to my new life when I get married


    Thanks Sasi


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  2. #2
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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Welcome to Penmai.....Mr. Sasi....

    What to say about this......You should have had a second or third thought about getting married into such an orthodox family......

    If your horoscope is found difficult to find a suitable bride, then, you could have married some one, who agrees to marry, without the matching of horoscopes.....now a days, many families do not mention for these......

    Any way.....leave about these......now, it is your turn to get adjusted and accustomed to the future conservative life.....

    So, let's think about that only.....

    1.1. Regarding the growth of hair, it depends on each and every individual. By now, you could have known, as how long or how fast, your hair grows......anyway, start growing your hair, from now itself......For the orange size kudumi, you should atleast have, hair upto the middle of your back. Later, in your life, you can maintain, this size of hair, and have it cut, then and there.

    1.2. In your later life, if you encounter baldness, nothing could be done. During that time, it may not be possible, for you to have a bigger kudumi, but you can maintain a very small one which will be known as "JITTU".....you can find this , with the people of the HARE RAMA HARE KRISHNA / ISKCON group.....these people will have a very small /tiny kudumi at the back of their head...... these people wear Panchakacham and wear studs in their ears always......they never seem to be humiliated in the society.....

    Regarding your ear piercing, you can pierce it, just before 10 days of your marriage......You can go to the doctor for piercing the ears, or you can go to the jewellery shop . Though it may be painful in the beginning, you will get used to it within 2 or 3 days......

    Once, you get pierced, immediately, you should wear the studs, so that the holes will get adjusted to the size of the stud......when you go to the jewellery shop, they will guide you.

    You need not worry about piercing the hole, then and there or about the weight beared by the ear lobes....nothing will happen.....

    You need not pierce the hole then and there. The hole by itself will adjust to the size of the stud you wear.

    We ladies, are wearing these kind of studs, for all throughout our life time, and nothing has happened to our ear lobes......

    In fact, the ladies' ear lobes will be very thin than the males'.

    So, your ear lobe will surely be a thicker one, and it WILL withstand the diamond stud, throughout your life , 24X7.

    It will not be much painful for the ear being pierced. It will just be like a strong injection......you should make up your mind, that it will be little painful and you ought to bear it.....then, your body will surely withstand the pain.....

    Regarding your future, in the society, you can try the following.....

    You can ask the bride's family, whether, you can have a smaller kudumi, after your marriage. If they accept, it's well and good, if you have a Jittu, it won't be weird for others.

    If they don't accept, then you can wear a bigger hat, whenever you go out, for your profession and to other places.

    And you can ask them, whether you can remove the studs , from your ears ,while you are going for your profession. If they accept, then you can wear a small /tiny stick in your ears, while going to your office,(this is necessary, otherwise, the holes will get sticky). If they don't accept, then you can wear a very small stud.

    Now, you Ought to makeup your mind for your future life, and there is no other go , than to get adjusted to your new appearance.

    If any body in the society teases or asks for your new appearance, you can tell them that you are like the ISKCON people, who never feel weird in the society due to their appearance.

    Advance congratulations for your marriage, and I bless you and your fiancee for a Best married life.


    Last edited by jv_66; 22nd Dec 2013 at 07:41 PM.
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  3. #3
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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post
    Welcome to Penmai.....Mr. Sasi....

    What to say about this......You should have had a second or third thought about getting married into such an orthodox family......

    If your horoscope is found difficult to find a suitable bride, then, you could have married some one, who agrees to marry, without the matching of horoscopes.....now a days, many families do not mention for these......

    Any way.....leave about these......now, it is your turn to get adjusted and accustomed to the future conservative life.....

    So, let's think about that only.....

    1.1. Regarding the growth of hair, it depends on each and every individual. By now, you could have known, as how long or how fast, your hair grows......anyway, start growing your hair, from now itself......For the orange size kudumi, you should atleast have, hair upto the middle of your back. Later, in your life, you can maintain, this size of hair, and have it cut, then and there.

    1.2. In your later life, if you encounter baldness, nothing could be done. During that time, it may not be possible, for you to have a bigger kudumi, but you can maintain a very small one which will be known as "JITTU".....you can find this , with the people of the HARE RAMA HARE KRISHNA / ISKCON group.....these people will have a very small /tiny kudumi at the back of their head...... these people wear Panchakacham and wear studs in their ears always......they never seem to be humiliated in the society.....

    Regarding your ear piercing, you can pierce it, just before 10 days of your marriage......You can go to the doctor for piercing the ears, or you can go to the jewellery shop . Though it may be painful in the beginning, you will get used to it within 2 or 3 days......

    Once, you get pierced, immediately, you should wear the studs, so that the holes will get adjusted to the size of the stud......when you go to the jewellery shop, they will guide you.

    You need not worry about piercing the hole, then and there or about the weight beared by the ear lobes....nothing will happen.....

    You need not pierce the hole then and there. The hole by itself will adjust to the size of the stud you wear.

    We ladies, are wearing these kind of studs, for all throughout our life time, and nothing has happened to our ear lobes......

    In fact, the ladies' ear lobes will be very thin than the males'.

    So, your ear lobe will surely be a thicker one, and it WILL withstand the diamond stud, throughout your life , 24X7.

    It will not be much painful for the ear being pierced. It will just be like a strong injection......you should make up your mind, that it will be little painful and you ought to bear it.....then, your body will surely withstand the pain.....

    Regarding your future, in the society, you can try the following.....

    You can ask the bride's family, whether, you can have a smaller kudumi, after your marriage. If they accept, it's well and good, if you have a Jittu, it won't be weird for others.

    If they don't accept, then you can wear a bigger hat, whenever you go out, for your profession and to other places.

    And you can ask them, whether you can remove the studs , from your ears ,while you are going for your profession. If they accept, then you can wear a small /tiny stick in your ears, while going to your office,(this is necessary, otherwise, the holes will get sticky). If they don't accept, then you can wear a very small stud.

    Now, you Ought to makeup your mind for your future life, and there is no other go , than to get adjusted to your new appearance.

    If any body in the society teases or asks for your new appearance, you can tell them that you are like the ISKCON people, who never feel weird in the society due to their appearance.

    Advance congratulations for your marriage, and I bless you and your fiancee for a Best married life.

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post
    Welcome to Penmai.....Mr. Sasi....

    What to say about this......You should have had a second or third thought about getting married into such an orthodox family......

    If your horoscope is found difficult to find a suitable bride, then, you could have married some one, who agrees to marry, without the matching of horoscopes.....now a days, many families do not mention for these......

    Any way.....leave about these......now, it is your turn to get adjusted and accustomed to the future conservative life.....

    So, let's think about that only.....

    1.1. Regarding the growth of hair, it depends on each and every individual. By now, you could have known, as how long or how fast, your hair grows......anyway, start growing your hair, from now itself......For the orange size kudumi, you should atleast have, hair upto the middle of your back. Later, in your life, you can maintain, this size of hair, and have it cut, then and there.

    1.2. In your later life, if you encounter baldness, nothing could be done. During that time, it may not be possible, for you to have a bigger kudumi, but you can maintain a very small one which will be known as "JITTU".....you can find this , with the people of the HARE RAMA HARE KRISHNA / ISKCON group.....these people will have a very small /tiny kudumi at the back of their head...... these people wear Panchakacham and wear studs in their ears always......they never seem to be humiliated in the society.....

    Regarding your ear piercing, you can pierce it, just before 10 days of your marriage......You can go to the doctor for piercing the ears, or you can go to the jewellery shop . Though it may be painful in the beginning, you will get used to it within 2 or 3 days......

    Once, you get pierced, immediately, you should wear the studs, so that the holes will get adjusted to the size of the stud......when you go to the jewellery shop, they will guide you.

    You need not worry about piercing the hole, then and there or about the weight beared by the ear lobes....nothing will happen.....

    You need not pierce the hole then and there. The hole by itself will adjust to the size of the stud you wear.

    We ladies, are wearing these kind of studs, for all throughout our life time, and nothing has happened to our ear lobes......

    In fact, the ladies' ear lobes will be very thin than the males'.

    So, your ear lobe will surely be a thicker one, and it WILL withstand the diamond stud, throughout your life , 24X7.

    It will not be much painful for the ear being pierced. It will just be like a strong injection......you should make up your mind, that it will be little painful and you ought to bear it.....then, your body will surely withstand the pain.....

    Regarding your future, in the society, you can try the following.....

    You can ask the bride's family, whether, you can have a smaller kudumi, after your marriage. If they accept, it's well and good, if you have a Jittu, it won't be weird for others.

    If they don't accept, then you can wear a bigger hat, whenever you go out, for your profession and to other places.

    And you can ask them, whether you can remove the studs , from your ears ,while you are going for your profession. If they accept, then you can wear a small /tiny stick in your ears, while going to your office,(this is necessary, otherwise, the holes will get sticky). If they don't accept, then you can wear a very small stud.

    Now, you Ought to makeup your mind for your future life, and there is no other go , than to get adjusted to your new appearance.

    If any body in the society teases or asks for your new appearance, you can tell them that you are like the ISKCON people, who never feel weird in the society due to their appearance.

    Advance congratulations for your marriage, and I bless you and your fiancee for a Best married life.

    THANK YOU JAYANTHY,

    1.1 I Have already started to grow my hair, I have been growing it for the past 9 months my hair now is up to my shoulder, they gave some ayurvedic stuff to apply daily, so that's increasing the speed of the growth because a big kondai/ bun is very important.

    EAR PIERCING

    My concern is that I will have to wear Vaira Thodu( With 7 Diamonds) it is large and heavy

    My FUTURE IN SOCIETY

    I will not be working after marriage, I will be looking after the assetsof my bride's family

    Thanks

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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Quote Originally Posted by SASI1981SELVA View Post
    THANK YOU JAYANTHY,

    1.1 I Have already started to grow my hair, I have been growing it for the past 9 months my hair now is up to my shoulder, they gave some ayurvedic stuff to apply daily, so that's increasing the speed of the growth because a big kondai/ bun is very important.

    EAR PIERCING

    My concern is that I will have to wear Vaira Thodu( With 7 Diamonds) it is large and heavy

    My FUTURE IN SOCIETY

    I will not be working after marriage, I will be looking after the assetsof my bride's family

    Thanks

    Hi Sasi,

    Regarding the Stud, which you have mentioned, in our family, including myself, all the ladies (my mother, MIL, SILs), , are wearing the same 7 stone, diamond stud, with the same dimensions which you have mentioned, for years together.....nothing has happened to our ears......

    Generally, the diamond stud, of the traditional model, will be of 7 stones (each) only. All of us are having and wearing this.

    And regarding your profession, when you are not going to work outside, and is going to look after the assets of your fiancee, what is the problem about your appearance, when you go out and meet others......And I think, you are going to reside in Kumbakonam, for the rest of your life. It will not be a weird appearance there.

    in fact,I have seen many people, with the same appearance, in many banks, even in IT firms, in Chennai.....they never cared about others, but continued the same costume.


    Last edited by jv_66; 23rd Dec 2013 at 09:49 AM.
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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post
    Hi Sasi,

    Regarding the Stud, which you have mentioned, in our family, including myself, all the ladies (my mother, MIL, SILs), , are wearing the same 7 stone, diamond stud, with the same dimensions which you have mentioned, for years together.....nothing has happened to our ears......

    Generally, the diamond stud, of the traditional model, will be of 7 stones (each) only. All of us are having and wearing this.

    And regarding your profession, when you are not going to work outside, and is going to look after the assets of your fiancee, what is the problem about your appearance, when you go out and meet others......And I think, you are going to reside in Kumbakonam, for the rest of your life. It will not be a weird appearance there.

    in fact,I have seen many people, with the same appearance, in many banks, even in IT firms, in Chennai.....they never cared about others, but continued the same costume.
    Thank you Jayanthy,

    As you mentioned my thodu also will be like the one you mentioned.
    My concern is that as far as ladies are concerned you'll would have had your ear pierced during childhood and started wearing the thodu when you were adults. But my concern I will have to pierce the ear 2 weeks before wedding and start wearing the thodu from my wedding day.
    So I will be wearing thodu on freshly made holes. So i thought it mighit affect the holes and make them bigger

    The thodu will be 2.1 ct VVS diamond with the weight around 10gm and 12cm width

    And from your experience how does it feel to wear the thodu all the time, does ear feel heavy? Is it comfortable ?

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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Quote Originally Posted by SASI1981SELVA View Post
    Thank you Jayanthy,

    As you mentioned my thodu also will be like the one you mentioned.
    My concern is that as far as ladies are concerned you'll would have had your ear pierced during childhood and started wearing the thodu when you were adults. But my concern I will have to pierce the ear 2 weeks before wedding and start wearing the thodu from my wedding day.
    So I will be wearing thodu on freshly made holes. So i thought it mighit affect the holes and make them bigger

    The thodu will be 2.1 ct VVS diamond with the weight around 10gm and 12cm width

    And from your experience how does it feel to wear the thodu all the time, does ear feel heavy? Is it comfortable ?

    Nothing will happen Sasi.....by wearing the thodu.

    Lemme tell you one thing......Please try to follow this, always in your life.

    Whenever you are going to face a big/very big challenge in your life, please makeup your mind, that, you will go through it, very well......though many hurdles may come in the middle, you will surely, overcome them.......

    This type of thought, will relieve the shock, once you enter into the challenge......though the result may be positive or negative......

    This is from my personal experience.......I always do this......

    Wearing a thodu.....is not an herculian task......it is just a simple thing.....again, nothing will happen to your ears......may be for a week, you may feel uncomfortable, with the thodu....later you will get used to it.

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  7. #7
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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Thanks Jayanthy
    just for information what is the specifications of your thodu type of diamonds, weight width etc etc and how long have you been wearing it ?

    Also I thought will it be better if I split my query into 2 sections as thodu in jewellery section and kondai in hair style sevtion

    Thanks

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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Hello Sasi,

    Normally I do not comment on forums but after reading your post by chance I thought it was my duty to advise you, because 6 years ago I also found my self in the same exact position, I can understand which type of community you are marrying into and I had to do all the things you have done. But now I am married for 4 years after going through all the changes you have mentioned. I will try my best to answer your questions.

    HAIR & KONDAI

    1.1 It will take around 2 years for you to get a proper orange size bun, you should remember that when you talk of a kondai of that size your must be the length & thickness of a normal women. I was given some ayurvedic stuff to apply to my hair it did speed up the process of hair, when I got married I had a kondai the size of a small coconut.

    1.2 Yes maintaining your hair will be problem, because you are not used having long hair like ladies from your early days, it will be very difficult washing the hair and adjusting your movements. when you start wearing a kondai the hair might become loose frequently so you should know to quickly make a kondai but you will get used to it. But baldness i don't know

    VAIRA THODU

    1. I would suggest that you pierce your ear 2 months before the wedding and wear normal small gold studs so by the time of your wedding your holes would have healed and it would be convenient to wear the VAIRA THODU.

    Given the size & weight of your thodu it looks a really big thodu, so you must ensure that the hole is solid by the time you start wearing the Thodu.

    it will be very painful when you get pierced, and when you wear the Thodu it will be very heavy, like you will feel like your ear might drop but you will get used to it on the long run

    1.1 It depends on kampu of the thodu sometimes they might require to make it bigger and i do think it will be a very thick kampu for the thodu.But make sure you check it with your jeweler so if any alterations are required you can do it in time.

    1.2 It will be a problem because of the weight of the stud and wearing it all the time depending on your skin it might make the wholes bigger, but for some it will not be a problem, but it would be advisable you start wearing a support chain for your thodu, it will be embarrassing to wear them but on the long run it will be good for your ears.

    TOE RINGS
    Toe rings will not be really hard to wear, but initially it will be a bit difficult ensure that they buy the correct size I wear mine without any problems.

    SOCIAL FACTORS

    This will be a big problem but from your post I can see that now you seem to have no option, so only thing you can do is to go through it and face whatever that comes your way.

    I will be very honest and open on this issue, the changes you are going through will make your life completely upside down and your life will never be the same again

    1. You will really feel embarrassed about your appearance it will be hard to face people. people in your wife's family will not find it funny but all the others will.

    2.There will be a lot of attention placed on your Studs because studs of this size is worn by ladies, so when a man wears it it will look funny for some people.

    3.For example when I started putting a kondai & wearing thodu people used to look in a wired way and I used to feel very embarrassed and if I go to a public place it is very hard, once I went bank in myaladuthurai and the girl in the counter just could not stop looking at me at a funny way.

    So the best option will be to accept things as it is and take into your stride and hopefully it will be fine.

    You also might feel your self esteem to have gone down a bit but you will regain it as time goes on.

    All the best


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    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Quote Originally Posted by jv_66 View Post
    Welcome to Penmai.....Mr. Sasi....



    1.1. Regarding the growth of hair, it depends on each and every individual. By now, you could have known, as how long or how fast, your hair grows......anyway, start growing your hair, from now itself......For the orange size kudumi, you should atleast have, hair upto the middle of your back. Later, in your life, you can maintain, this size of hair, and have it cut, then and there.

    In my community we are not allowed to cut our hair under any circumstance, my hair has grown a lot and my hair is almost upto my waist around 15 inches




    Regarding your ear piercing, you can pierce it, just before 10 days of your marriage......You can go to the doctor for piercing the ears, or you can go to the jewellery shop . Though it may be painful in the beginning, you will get used to it within 2 or 3 days......

    Once, you get pierced, immediately, you should wear the studs, so that the holes will get adjusted to the size of the stud......when you go to the jewellery shop, they will guide you.

    The best option will be to have ear pierced much earlier, 2 months will be the best and he will only start to wear the Vaira Thodu from the day of the wedding, so wearing a normal small gold stud will not may be sufficient enough to establish a large hole


    We ladies, are wearing these kind of studs, for all throughout our life time, and nothing has happened to our ear lobes......

    In fact, the ladies' ear lobes will be very thin than the males'.

    So, your ear lobe will surely be a thicker one, and it WILL withstand the diamond stud, throughout your life , 24X7.

    But I have seen men from my community having problems with it, having hanging thodu is seen as a bad sign, so they are compelled to wear support chain with the thodu,it is embarrassing but there is not much option

    It will not be much painful for the ear being pierced. It will just be like a strong injection......you should make up your mind, that it will be little painful and you ought to bear it.....then, your body will surely withstand the pain.....

    Mine was very very painful, my ear was pierced on my wedding day and immideatly I had to start wearing the large 7 stone Vaira Thodu, because of that they used a special larger needle, that's why I think the ear must be pierced 2 months before

    Regarding your future, in the society, you can try the following.....

    You can ask the bride's family, whether, you can have a smaller kudumi, after your marriage. If they accept, it's well and good, if you have a Jittu, it won't be weird for others.

    If they don't accept, then you can wear a bigger hat, whenever you go out, for your profession and to other places.

    And you can ask them, whether you can remove the studs , from your ears ,while you are going for your profession. If they accept, then you can wear a small /tiny stick in your ears, while going to your office,(this is necessary, otherwise, the holes will get sticky). If they don't accept, then you can wear a very small stud.

    Now, you Ought to makeup your mind for your future life, and there is no other go , than to get adjusted to your new appearance.

    If any body in the society teases or asks for your new appearance, you can tell them that you are like the ISKCON people, who never feel weird in the society due to their appearance.

    I do not think what you have suggested is possible as per our communities he will only be allowed to wear veshti, The kondai and the thodu are a must for the rest of his life, the best option will be is to face the world as it is and learn to accept it

    Advance congratulations for your marriage, and I bless you and your fiancee for a Best married life.
    My experience was tough but I have learnt to live like that, I have made my opinion in Red


  10. #10
    SASI1981SELVA is offline Newbie
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    Join Date
    Dec 2013
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    CHENNAI
    Posts
    8

    Re: Groom to have a kondai & wear vaira thodu (7 stone diamond thodu)

    Quote Originally Posted by EKVT View Post
    My experience was tough but I have learnt to live like that, I have made my opinion in Red
    Very interesting to hear your thoughts,

    1. how did the thodu feel for the first few days

    2.what type of kondai do have, do keep pinned to your head or leave it lose


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