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  • 3 Post By PriyagauthamH
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Marrying into an indian family

Discussions on "Marrying into an indian family" in "Weddings" forum.

  1. #1
    KATH MCKENZIE is offline Newbie
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    Dec 2013

    Marrying into an indian family


    I am Katherine Mckenzie, I am a white lady from UK. I am 26 years old. I work as an Research Analyst. I am in love with an Indian boy who works with me and we intend to marry next year. He is 38 Years old. I have been in a relationship with him for the 4 years. The good news is his family has agreed for our marriage, and we will be moving permanently to India after our wedding and start the family in Chennai. My fiance has been in the UK 1998 and he wants to go back and I also agreed for that. But the problem is his family very strict brahmins and they also expect me to adhere strictly to their customs. 10 months ago my future mother in law came to tha UK to meet me and my family and our marriage is fixed for 2014. Due to the different culture I am marrying into I have few things I would like to clarify

    1. I live a typical life of a western girls would like going to the pub,enjoying my self on night outs, having alcohol( not heavy though), how would I will
    be required to fit my self into a strict orthodox brahmin family

    2.I will be required to convert to Hinduism, how should I go about my conversion and how the conversion is done. Once I become a hindu how different will my life be

    3.What will be expected of me from my fiance's family

    4. What are the things that I will be required to give up in life and what are the new things that I have to adopt in life.

    5.What will be my attire after marraige, my future mother in law came to UK during the cold climate and still wore the traditional brahmin style saree.

    6.Can you suggest some names that I should take after I convert.


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  2. #2
    PriyagauthamH's Avatar
    PriyagauthamH is offline Registered User
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    Re: Marrying into an indian family

    Hi Kath , Congrats and best wishes for your marriage .....

    Kath , all your queries will be answered if you have a proper chat with your fiancee and also if you visit India once before your marriage .........

    Nothing like a firsthand experience staying and living with them .......

    Families differ in what is orthodox Kath ........

    Chennai has all the night life you will want ...... Also peoples attitudes and outlook have changed due to the global nature of most people's work life ......

    Coming to your name - have they asked you to change ? Do you really want to change ? I am not trying to confuse you or raise contraversies .... Honestly your lover met you as kath and has progressed this far in this relationship as Kath ..... so before you do anything think and be happy with any decisions ........

    Women in chennai wear every western outfit conceivable .......
    Also for practical reasons most young ladies wear salwar /kameez .churidhars these days ........ Mostly during religious events , festivals , family gatherings you will be expected to wear saree .... Probably the brahmin type wearing for all religious occasions .........

    Chennai is very cosmopolitan city ...........People speak english well .......
    So communication will not be a problem ...........

    With regards to going to pub and girls night out - i feel it is for you to discuss with your fiancee ....... It all varies with families ....... For eg ,in my family men enjoy their weekend in clubs with the family ......The older generation doesnot disapprove of it .........So this is entirely dependent on individual families .......

    I have no idea regarding conversion ....... But if converted you will be expected to go to temples and also follow all religious customs that all married traditionally observe .........

    What you give up or adopt is entirely something to be again discussed between you two .........My relative has a australian wife ......... They live close to their in-laws but separately ...... The family has not asked her to change name or religion .....Even the baby has a english /indian name ........ Both sets of in-laws get along well ..
    So it is worth that trip as a trial and it pays to be patient ......... As for both you and his family it is a lot of cultural difference ..... to adjust and adapt to .........

    In general in india families are close ....... Elders are respected and young ones always seek their advice and blessing before venturing into anything ...... Love is abundant .... There is no cousins twice removed or second cousins ...... Every one is aunt /uncle and cousins and mostly there is no formality of announcing one's arrival ........ That is part of the fun ...... They are not adressed by name but by relationship ......

    My best wishes ..........I am sure a lot of penmai friends will chip in with their lovely practical advices .......

    Last edited by PriyagauthamH; 30th Dec 2013 at 04:29 AM.
    sumathisrini, jv_66 and Rudhraa like this.

  3. #3
    jv_66's Avatar
    jv_66 is offline Super Moderator Silver Ruler's of Penmai
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    Re: Marrying into an indian family

    Welcome to Penmai.....Kathy....

    Feel very happy that you are getting married to a Hindu family......

    Priya has suggested well......

    Yes......Your MIL must be around the age of 60 or above.....so these ladies, may not be in the practice of wearing any other dress other than the saree....that's why, she would have worn the saree, even in the cold climate in London.....

    But at the same time, once when they have accepted you, they will never compel you with the similar dresses of theirs......

    As Priya has told, they will expect you to wear the traditional style of saree to be worn during festivals and during poojas(special prayers on specific days).....

    On all the other days....you will be allowed to wear any dignified dress, which is not much revealing (the structure)......Many girls in Chennai are wearing Jeans, T-shirts and also formal Pant shirts are worn by the women executives etc......this is very common

    Surely there will be no restriction regarding decent dresses.....

    Most Probably, your in-laws may not allow you to drink or to attend the Pubs.....but these are prevailing in the High - society people even in Brahmin community......So, it depends on your in-laws.....

    Regarding Conversion.......there is no such word in HINDUISM......

    There is no CONVERSION as it is in other religions......

    You can just start following the Hinduism.....by praying to Hindu Gods and going to temples.....

    At the same time, you will be allowed to go to Churches and pray Jesus also.....there will be no restriction on these......

    In many families, when the other religion member gets married into their family, they may perform some RITUALS, with the help of some PRIESTS.....thus accepting the member as HINDU and allow them to continue in their family rituals and go to temples.....

    In some other families, they may take the concerned person to the HEAD OF THEIR SECT (there are many sect in Hinduism), and perform some Rituals...like CASTING A METAL DYE , which is shown in fire, and then kept(just a very light touch) on your shoulders......thus PURIFYING you and accepting into their family.......This is done, in some Brahmin families.....

    No need to fear for this......

    Or, they may accept you as you are......

    Now, coming to changing of your name......you in-laws THEMSELVES will select a suitable name for you......since you may not be aware of their traditions and customs.....

    In some families (very very rare), they may not allow you to cook during many rituals or Ceremonies......

    Now a days.....most of the families are accepting the girls as they are before.

    So, the main thing , you may need to change is, your Western culture of Alcohol and Pubs.....otherwise......people in Chennai accept all the other Western cultures......

    In India, generally, Ladies do not drink......but high society people do.....

    You may need to wear sarees and blouses, as and when required .....

    Anyway, when you are ready to change these things for your husband, there will be no hiccups in your future married life.....

    Most Indians are very affectionate.....and will surely respect other's feelings also.....

    It is always better, to talk with your Fiancee, about these adjustments, much earlier to your marriage.

    Best wishes for your new marriage, in the new year.....and I wish you a Happy and Prosperous New year

    Last edited by jv_66; 30th Dec 2013 at 03:49 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2013

    Re: Marrying into an indian family

    This two posts of priya and venygopal is right. That's right what they said. If you come in to India and stay with Indian peoples automatically you accept the Indian tradition in 1 or 2 yrs. Don't take any tention about that just enjoy what is going. You will like to stay in India. Best of Luck and Congratulations.

    sumathisrini and jv_66 like this.



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