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vijigermany

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#11
Victorian sex may be the key to a passionate love life, finds a study

Victorian sex and why it's good

Contrary to what people think about the sex life of people of the past generations, particularly the Victorian era (1837 to 1901, when Queen Victoria reigned), we can actually learn a lesson or two from their experiences. Dr. Carl Degler, a researcher and a professor, came across a study conducted by Clelia Duel Mosher (1863-1940), a physician and women’s health activist of the Victorian era, who broke many stereotypes of that age. Here are a few findings, which proves why we should follow some age-old examples for a passionate love life.
 

vijigermany

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#12
Orgasm mattered the most

Some of the respondents of the Victorian age had revealed to Mosher that lack of orgasm made them depressed. Many women thought that men weren’t trained well to understand the needs of a woman. In fact, some even confessed of taking their share of pleasure seriously and did their own bits to achieve it. That’s quite a revelation about self-love and how we should learn to accept what our body wants and be honest about it.
 

vijigermany

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#13
It was okay to have period sex

Surprisingly, period sex wasn’t something people avoided at that age. According to one of the respondents, she was fine with having sex during those days of the month. In fact, period sex was considered pretty ‘cool’ (as youths like to define anything exciting these days).
 

vijigermany

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#14
Sex wasn’t merely for the biological reasons of procreation

If we look at the big families that couples had back then, we might presume that they had an active sex life only for procreation. According to the study, sex helped people keep their marriage strong and a lot of women feared the slightest signs of pregnancy because they thought it made them ‘lose the experience that brought them closer to their partner.’
 

vijigermany

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#15
The study

The famous female hygiene specialist Clelia Duel Mosher started the survey in the 1890s and she questioned 45 women about their sex life, habits and sexual preferences. She even asked them about how often they had orgasms and if they believed in self-pleasure. In a span of 20 years, Mosher prepared a report which broke many stereotypes about the sexual habits and sex life of the people of the Victorian age. Unfortunately, the study was never published during her lifetime. All thanks to Dr. Carl Degler, who stumbled upon this study and brought it to everyone's notice by publishing an analysis of Mosher's research.
 

vijigermany

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#17
How to Reject Sex (Without Hurting Your Relationship)
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Keep three key things in mind when turning down sex.

You’re cleaning up the house, thinking about the bills you have to pay, the friend you haven’t called in weeks, and that oh-so-awkward conversation you had with your new coworker yesterday, when your partner appears, touching your waist and giving you a sexually suggestive wink.
Now what?

Maybe sex seems like a fun and welcome distraction. In that case, great! Enjoy it.
But maybe you’re thinking something more along the lines of “Are you kidding me? You want sex right now? That's certainly not happening!”
As I've written about previously, sexual rejection can be a difficult pill to swallow, particularly if one person is largely (or even entirely) responsible for initiating sex in a relationship.

But being the person who is rejecting sex doesn't feel that great, either. Maybe we are annoyed that our partner initiated sex and clearly couldn't read our mood or the situation. And so we roll our eyes, criticize our partner’s timing and initiation strategy, or even push them away entirely. Or we might feel bad because we hate saying no and disappointing them, so we agree to have sex to make them happy.

The latest sex research suggests that — compared to going along with sex to avoid negative outcomes — turning down sex doesn't necessarily hurt relationship satisfaction, as long as we do it in positive ways.1 Here are three approaches to keep in mind.

1. Clearly explain why you're saying no.
If you’re not in the mood for sex when you’re partner initiates it, one of the best things you can do is explain to them why you're not in the mood.
That’s because many people naturally take sexual rejection personally. We can drive ourselves into a tizzy trying to come up with a reason why we're being turned down, often landing on it having something to do with us (e.g., they don't find me attractive anymore, they are angry with me, they don't love me as much as they used to).

So if you’re feeling too tired for sex, say that. If you had a long day, and you’re distracted by the stress at work, share that. It helps your partner understand your inner world a bit better and shows that your lack of interest in sex isn’t a reflection of your lack of interest in your partner.

Or, if your lack of interest in sex has everything to do with your partner (e.g., you're fighting or not getting along these days, and sex feels temporarily off the table), say that. It's much more helpful to start that conversation (even if it's difficult) than to let more tension build up with silences and misunderstandings.

2. Suggest another time — soon(ish).
Think about rejecting sex similarly to making social plans with friends. If we invite a friend out for a bite to eat, and they just say "no," it can feel pretty jarring. We might wonder: "Are they saying they don't want dinner tonight? Or are they trying to hint that they want to hang out less frequently? Maybe they don't like me as much as they used to?" It feels unsettling, because we don't have all the information, and so we are left to fill in the gaps.

On the other hand, if you invite your friend to dinner, and they say: "Sorry I really need to recharge and have a night at home tonight, but maybe could we try next week?" It clarifies that the "no" is just a "not right now." You know where you stand, and there is a plan to spend time together again soon.
Likewise, when it comes to sex, a flat out "no" can feel pretty harsh. We similarly tend to wonder, how long is that "no" for? And should we ask again in an hour? A day? A week? Never? Are they trying to tell me something else by turning down sex?

But sexual rejection usually feels a lot more manageable when we’re given a safety net. Something like: "I'm not feeling it right now, but maybe we could try on the weekend, once my work deadline has passed? Or later tonight after I go for a run? Or in the morning before work, after I've had a good sleep?"

3. Find another way to connect.
Just because you're not in the mood for sex doesn't necessarily mean you have to turn down other bids for connection and closeness.

We know from the research that women and men get so much more from sex than just physical gratification (like feeling loved and feeling safe). So perhaps sexual activity is off the table, but a nice cuddle, hand holding, a meaningful conversation, or even a game or activity you both enjoy might feel pretty good.

It might not be sex, but if your partner is reaching out as a way of feeling close, there are several different ways that this can be accomplished, even when sex doesn't feel like an option. If there is some relationship-affirming activity you're in the mood for that would make you feel good and closer to your partner, try suggesting that instead.

Take Away
Rejecting your partner's sexual advances with these three tactics doesn't ensure there won't be any conflict or that your partner won't be disappointed you said "no" to sex. But that's not necessarily the end goal. Differing preferences for desired frequency of sex is one of the most common challenges in relationships and a key area of sexual concern for many, many couples. However, it's important to keep in mind that it’s not conflict itself that hurts or strengthens relationships, but rather the way that couples manage conflict.

Most people don't like feeling rejected (or being the one to do the rejecting), but offering a "no" that 1) provides an explanation, 2) suggests another time in the near-ish future, and 3) provides an alternative way to connect can help you let your partner down a bit easier.
 

vijigermany

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#18
Nerve stimulation may improve sexual response in women

Female sexual dysfunction (FSD), a condition that may range from a lack of libido to an inability to achieve orgasm, affects 40 to 45 per cent of women, especially as they age.

FSD can be tough to diagnose and even more difficult to treat.

And while clinicians have attempted to help women by prescribing sildenafil (better known by its brand name, Viagra), hormones, and flibanserin, these methods don't always work and can have undesirable side effects.

This is why researchers were intrigued after learning that neuromodulation treatments for bladder dysfunction occasionally led to improvements in sexual function.

Tim Bruns, one of the head researchers said, "In this particular treatment, a patient receives nerve stimulation therapy once a week to improve neural signalling and function in the muscles that control the bladder. The nerves controlling the pelvic organs start out in the same location in the spinal cord and branch out."

Interestingly, Bruns notes, one form of stimulation is effective for bladder dysfunction despite an odd placement of the electrodes: near the tibial nerve in the ankle.

According to the current theory, that the nerves that travel down to the foot overlap near the spinal cord with some of the nerves to the pelvic organs, leading to a possible overlap in synaptic routes. Bruns decided to study the technique in rats and humans.

In the rat studies published last year and earlier this year, Bruns' team stimulated nerves in the genital and ankle region. After 15 to 30 minutes, the rodents experienced a strong increase in vaginal blood flow.

For the following study, researchers recruited nine women with FSD (and without bladder problems) for a pilot study.

Each woman received 12 half-hour sessions of transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation in which participants had electrodes placed either in the genital region or on the ankle.

A 53-year-old woman who got involved with the study after reporting difficulty achieving orgasm to her gynaecologist described the experience as "a bizarre, pressure vibration sensation." She later added that "After a few minutes, however, you get used to it. You sit there for 30 minutes. I brought a book to read during my session."



Results of the sessions showed substantial promise. Eight out of the nine women reported some improvement in arousal, lubrication and orgasm.



"Across a variety of clinical studies, if you get a 50 per cent improvement in symptoms, you can consider that a successful response," Bruns says. "We had four participants meet or exceed that threshold."



Overall improvement in score was comparable or greater than prior studies of different types of drugs or neuromodulation for FSD, he adds. However, future studies with blinding and a placebo control are needed to rule out any placebo effect.



The findings appeared in Journal of Neuromodulation.
 

vijigermany

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#19
Can sex help relieve period cramps? Read to know how

f you are like most women, you are probably grossed out by the idea of having sex during your periods.

And we get it why, when your cramps start to kick in, the first thing you need is probably your trusted over-the-counter medication and your favourite hot water bottle, while bloody sheets or having sex with those dreaded cramps may be the last thing on your mind.

But what if we told you that having sex can actually relieve you of those nasty stomach cramps? Before making a face, allow us to explain.

How does it happen?
During an orgasm, your body releases dopamine and oxytocin--they are known to alleviate pain. Furthermore, when you climax, blood rushes to your uterus and your pelvic muscles contract and release, which in turn, help in reducing the pelvic pain.

Need more reasons?
Along with relieving cramps, having sex on your period gets rid of the blood and uterine lining faster, which means, shorter period!

To add the cherry to the cake, it can also ease the fatigue and discomfort that ‘those days of the month’ bring.

The bottom line

So, if you feel crampy, irritable and exhausted while on your periods, having sex can do more for you than just reduce the pain of cramps. Although, you can still reach out for the hot water bottle if sex during periods doesn't appease you.
 
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#20
BEDROOM BLUES--
Common Sex Problems and How to Solve Them


The next time you’re standing in line at the grocery store, check out the glossy headlines of the women’s magazines that line the stands: “What Men Hate Most in Bed” or “What He Wants You to Know, but Will Never Say.” Men’s magazines echo the same theme: “What You Should Never Say to a Woman in Bed,” “Why She Won’t Have Sex With You.” We all want to know: what are my partner’s sexual complaints? What can I do about them?

The truth is, both men and women tend to complain about the same things when it comes to sex, particularly when they’re in a long-term relationship. Here are eight of the most common complaints I hear from couples, along with suggestions to turn a partner’s frown upside down.

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1. Laziness.
If your partner has stopped doing his or her share between the sheets, first try a subtle approach. Playfully lament how much you miss his or her trademark move in bed, whether it’s a turn, twist, or tweak. A friendly reminder that it takes two to tango may be all that’s required. If that doesn’t work, go for a more straightforward approach. Gently tell your partner that you’ve noticed he or she doesn’t show the same initiative and ask why. If no explanation is forthcoming (and if you’re certain there are no medical issues), be honest about how his or her lack of enthusiasm in bed is taking the fun out of sex for you, too. If your partner is invested in your relationship, he or she will step up to the passion plate. Meanwhile, it may be a good time to review your own rambunctiousness. A lazy partner isn’t worth the effort, in or out of bed.
 

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