5 tricks to stay loyal to your love


Lord of Penmai
Jul 5, 2011
5 tricks to stay loyal to your love

1) Think of his greatest gesture for you
It maybe how he got you breakfast in bed or sacrificed that big job to be in the same city with you, reliving those gestures, big or small, may just about keep you in line. Before you slip, thinking of the many times that he actually showed how much he cared for you can work wonders.

2) Keep his presence in your everyday life
In a long distance relationship? Make him a part of your everyday life by splashing happy pictures of you and him around your space; play his favourite music; or even cook up food he relishes the most! Staying apart can be hard and can definitely make you stray, but in the end it's a choice you make. "Temptations are never in the external world, it is in our attitude. And if we believe we must get what we are tempted by, well, we give in. But when we believe in a philosophy that we don't have to get everything that we desire, it becomes easy to control our temptations -- whether in lust or in anything else," says Varkha Chulani, Clinical Psychologist & Psychotherapist, Lilavati Hospital, Mumbai.

3) Talk about it
Remember that he knows about temptation as much as you do. And, who knows, he may have been facing the same dilemma! If you are in a loving, trusting relationship, having a frank discussion about your relationship jitters may be the right thing to do. "When you speak up, you may realize that you are indeed very close and it may wake you up to reality. It will also help you reassess whether you want to go that way at all," says Chulani.

4) Re-evaluate your relationship
If the urge to cheat is really very strong, so much so that you are willing to lose someone you love so much and are committed to, maybe the relationship has run its course. "Two things may happen. Either it will help you figure out that there is something 'wrong' and therefore you want out. Alternately, you may realize that there is an issue with your relationship which if you do address, will help you steer clear of straying," says Chulani.

5) Get a wingman
If you really, really can't keep it together, get a trusted friend to talk you out of it. This all important role will entail drastic measures like ensuring that you do not drink too much at a party teeming with attractive men and that you always go back home... alone. This friend, who has seen you with your man and knows how important your relationship is, will always be there to put things in perspective. He will also ask you tough questions like: "How would you feel if he cheated on you?"

Expert speak
Psychologist Varkha Chulani answers some burning questions

1) Is it impossible to be monogamous in a relationship?
A: "It is difficult for some but not for all. And difficult does not mean impossible. By nature we are polygamous but teachings about being faithful, marrying once etc. compel some to harness their 'naturalness'. So they restrain themselves. Since we have the ability to 'think' we 'think' of the consequences and don't give in to every instinct that we have."

2) Does one sex have a stronger tendency to cheat than the other?
A: "Higambous hogamous, man is polygamous. Higamous hogamous woman is monogamous! This is a saying but I wouldn't subscribe to it! Even if it is a single woman that the married/committed man may be with, there is no reason to believe that women are saints and the men are cheaters."

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