A polite 'No'

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#1
My SIL is getting married and my MIL has started indicating that she plans to stay with me and my wife afterwards. I don't have good relations with her so I need ideas on how to politely say no to wife's idea of getting MIL to live with us.
 

Sriramajayam

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#2
Hello Thesahil,
Pl wait, my senior ppl will give suitable reply 4 u.
:thumbsup
 

jv_66

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#3
Mr. Sahil,

If your MIL doesn't have any son or her husband to support her , where else would she go?

If you are not in good terms with her, you need not talk with her at all.

Wait for some days after she starts staying with you. Do not talk with her. Do not interfere in her matters.

If she is also following your steps, then what is the problem.

If she is interfering in your matters, You can tell your wife, that you do not like her (MIL) interference.

When ladies like us are adjusting our inlaws in all the ways and accept them also as our parents, gents like you should also be ready to accept them. Think them as your parents.

After all, she is a poor woman, who cannot go anywhere else than be with her daughters.

So, you husbands should adjust.

After few years, she may live with her next daughter also for few months.

So, only adjustment in life will help you to win in married life.

Think that you are helping a old woman who is not having any other shelter.
 

sumitra

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#4
Dear sir, if at all no other places to live with, where your MIL will go? If your wife is willing to keep her mother in your family don't come as a hurdle in their way. After all what will be a problem in allowing your MIL to stay in your family? It is not at all correct to say""no" from your part. Think of your old age also when you want support from your children when they plan to say politely "no" to you what will be your position. Old aged people are always an asset to you and your family. Hence please do not have any difference of opinion with your MIL. Another thing you have to face is the strong opposition from your wife for not allowing your MIL and afterwards lot of problems and complications in your relationship with your wife will crop up. Hence it is better to have some politeness and adjustment to allow your MIL to stay with your family. Be happy and cheerful. thank you
 
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#5
I appreciate your replies. They are similar in nature. I don't have any issues with supporting an old parent but she used to live with us in the past for 3-4 months every year and used to have problems with everything I did. In fact, she can live with my sister in law too because they would be in the same town.
My wife turns a blind eye whenever I complain about MIL to her so I am always left alone.
 

jv_66

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#6
I appreciate your replies. They are similar in nature. I don't have any issues with supporting an old parent but she used to live with us in the past for 3-4 months every year and used to have problems with everything I did. In fact, she can live with my sister in law too because they would be in the same town.
My wife turns a blind eye whenever I complain about MIL to her so I am always left alone.

Good Mr. Sahil.

Only after understanding your problem, I have suggested this method of tackling the problem

If you are not in good terms with her, you need not talk with her at all.

Wait for some days after she starts staying with you. Do not talk with her. Do not interfere in her matters.

If she is also following your steps, then what is the problem.

If she is interfering in your matters, You can tell your wife, that you do not like her (MIL) interference.

Since your SIL is going to get married, we do not know about the new Son In Law, and his characters. It would take some time for your MIL to know about him and then proceed to stay with him. That is why I told the below

After few years, she may live with her next daughter also for few months.

 

Preethi4u

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#7
Dear Thesahil,

Just read your other threads too..
good your SIl is getting married now, so without much tension and worries invite ur MIL to ur house,earlier your SIL was there to trigger and support your MIL in all the ways/things, and both of them got nothing to do other than visiting you guys.Now SIL will be having her own family to manage so she wont have time to interfere into ur family matters,and to support her mother too.
Your MIL will be having an eye on her younger daughters life too,cause she is newly married.. until she settles down,her focus will be on her only. So you dont need to worry much.

Did you found any job for urself??? finding job alone for you will solve most of the issues in your family.

Saying yes for your MIL's stay in your home will get a good image in front of your wife too.
Treat your MIL like your own mother,bcoz your SIL is not there its very easy to change and win MIL's heart.

All the best.
 
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#8
thanks for your reply. I am going with the same mindset, hopefully MIL will be better than the last time now. But who knows. I will start a job in a year, because that's when my visa will be ready.
My wife knows that i am not wrong so i don't have to put a good impression on her, just MIL needs to put a good impression on me this time to avoid fights!
Dear Thesahil,

Just read your other threads too..
good your SIl is getting married now, so without much tension and worries invite ur MIL to ur house,earlier your SIL was there to trigger and support your MIL in all the ways/things, and both of them got nothing to do other than visiting you guys.Now SIL will be having her own family to manage so she wont have time to interfere into ur family matters,and to support her mother too.
Your MIL will be having an eye on her younger daughters life too,cause she is newly married.. until she settles down,her focus will be on her only. So you dont need to worry much.

Did you found any job for urself??? finding job alone for you will solve most of the issues in your family.

Saying yes for your MIL's stay in your home will get a good image in front of your wife too.
Treat your MIL like your own mother,bcoz your SIL is not there its very easy to change and win MIL's heart.

All the best.
 

nlakshmi

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#9
Hey shahil,
Good thing your SIL is getting married.. Even if she is wrong.. She has to stay in some place. you cannot leave alone even she has wrong intensions..
As preethi said, now she has another "New family" to worry about.. You SIL will now know how the marriage works and how the husbands should be treated.. of course you will still get the harsh treatment since your Brother(sil hubby) will be working.. So be prepared for that too..

Good to hear that you are going to start work.. Only that decision of yours will change how your are being treated.

Until your MIL settles after her daughter's marriage you have to adjust with her.. she needs to find her own place to live or will make travel arrangements when your SIL's good things in life.. so until then you have to put up with it..now you may also be surprised with a lot of opportunities to see your MIL change in behaviour for good.. So have a positive thought.. and take it as it comes...
 
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#10
Thanks for the replies. Me and wife have decided to have MIL here but my wife has assured me that she is going to stand up for me if me and MIL have an argument. I just hope she does what she says and that MIL stays calm.
 

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