After the initial shock of marriage


Lord of Penmai
Jul 5, 2011
After the initial shock of marriage

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce just 72 days after marrying Kris Humphries. Not all marriage end so speedily, but here's how to tide over the shock of reality

Speed dating and impulse marriages, move over. The crash divorce is here. Reality-TV star Kim Kardiashan could bear the reality of her marriage to NBA star Kris Humphries for a mere 72 days. The couple, who married in the public gaze, has already filed for divorce.

While skeptics are making much of the 'publicity stunt', it gives all newly-weds to consider that the first few days of marriage can indeed make or break it. The initial period lays the foundation for the long-term.

"The trial period of a marriage ranges from three months to a year." The 'honeymoon' period may ironically be when you come face to face with unglamorous facts about your partner. "How this turns out depends on the acceptance, maturity and compatibility between partners," .

some tricky areas couples need to navigate to get past the first few hurdles.

Dust bites
Living together uncovers new aspects of your partner's personality. "It could be something as trivial as the soap you choose," It could also be different approaches to hygiene, sexuality, or finances. All of a sudden, you feel not-so-compatible. Your spouse does not match up to your earlier perception of them and this can be alienating. "This does not mean that the courtship was a charade," Those emerging differences make the journey exciting.

Between the sheets

Sexual compatibility is a very important pillar of marriage. But compatibility in this area is not as instant and spontaneous as is often made out to be. "It often happens that one partner may appear highly interested in sex before marriage but may turn out to be a uninterested or unable to sustain that ecstasy and euphoria afterwards,". Each individual has a different approach to sexuality, influenced by upbringing and conditioning.

Family files
Families can complicate the affair further. In our culture, much mingling with the family is expected. These interactions are often triggers for conflict. "You are invited for meals and festivals. Relatives tell you stories about your partner, which you didn't know before.

Some of this may come as a surprise and you could feel like you do not know the person at all,"But remember relatives have a different relationship with your spouse and people evolve over time.

Talk, talk, talk
There is only one solid way to get through these minefields. Communication. If you have any doubts or misgivings before marriage, bring them up. After you're married, don't take things for granted. Find a way to express and articulate all the issues that lie between you and your partner. If you find yourself unable to talk, seek an impartial family elder or counsellor to act as a mediator.

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