Before you dump him, read this...please


Lord of Penmai
Jul 5, 2011
[h=1]Before you dump him, read this...please[/h]
The cracks are starting to show. He's actually a lot more confrontational/arrogant/annoying than you thought. Time to ditch him and find a new one. Right?

Actually, when the wheels fall off a relationship you may feel like it's easier to simply look for a "better" partner, but a tune-up can often be far more rewarding than a trade in.
Step one: Get real about relationships
Life — and love — isn't a Hollywood movie. But it can feel like a Hollywood movie when you first go out with someone, can't it?

"At the beginning, 'romantic' love helps us overcome many hurdles," explains psychotherapist Birgit Weber, author of Love is Not for Cowards. "We are still able to relate to ... the idealised self-image of each other, and we haven't had to get down to day-to-day living."

After a period of time, your own issues, and your partner's, start to surface.

"It's inevitable that we activate conflicts in each other," says Birgit. "How we handle them is what matters."
Step two: Be honest with yourself
"Before you decide to break up with someone you should take a look at yourself and ask yourself some questions, because you can leave your partner but you can't leave yourself. Your own inner conflicts and your own problems will follow you," Birgit says.

Usually we want to run away from our partner when the relationship is bringing up aspects of ourselves that freak us out. It's easier to point the finger at your partner than have a good old look at our own stuff.

What inner conflicts, or insecurities, are really coming up for you? Do you want to make a decision to do something about those issues now, rather than burying them until they get recycled in your next relationship?
Step three: Be honest with your partner
We present an "idealised self-image" or persona to our partner in order to win their approval, according to Birgit. But guess what? We're all human! We all have our issues, insecurities and defense mechanisms, built up over our lifetime.

Often, instead of being honest with our partner about those inner conflicts, we get aggressive, or run off with someone else, or even act submissive in order to win back our man's approval.

Birgit says that the way to experience a lasting relationship and true love is to be honest with each other about what's going on in our heads.

For example, you only want a cuddle, and your partner always wants sex. You can turn it all on him — accusing him of being insensitive or sleazy. But the truth might be that you have some issues about your own sexuality that you need to resolve.

The key is to drop the blame game. Talk to your partner about the real issues. Be honest with each other and allow your true colours to show. Do this with a counsellor if you need to. Only when you really know each other can you truly fall in love — it may not be quite like a Hollywood romance, but your relationship will probably last a lot longer than most Hollywood marriages!
Aug 22, 2012
If you are true to your relationship and you know that you are made for each other, then why dumping? Just try and give it a chance. Hope you succeed.
Sep 11, 2012
How do you get over and move on when you have had the best love of your life. Suddening that life is over and your left very scared and cautious of everyone that comes into your life? :angel:


Friends's of Penmai
Jul 16, 2011
23% of working women admit to having affairs with their colleagues at work.

Survey Report

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