Can you spend 5minutes for a suggestion

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#1
Hi,

I have joined penmai to get some suggestion regarding my friends pb, for which i am not able to give an apt solution. After thinking so many ways i decided to take to this forum so that we will have multidimensional thoughts. Fine let me explain very briefly.

My friend - Studied, having a good job, too good nature etc,etc., She was in lv with a person who is also very good in nature,very caring,crazy about her. Their love for each other has grown everyyday.They were mad on each other.(i have seen personally). Everything was going on smoothly for almost more than four years. Then, somehow guys parents came to know about this and started blackmailing him emotionally. Moreover, he was having resp to make his sis married. Slowly, he started feeling guilty and one day, asked my friend to get married to someone coz he is feeling that he is spoiling her life. Its only becos of lv he has taken tat decision. After that he stopped talking.but my friend still sends him msg.calls him.eventhough there is no response. Becoz of this she was in depression and this continued for next 2.5years sending messages one side and the love for him never reduced. Then came the beginning of the ....!!!(Dont kw what to name). She got a friendship of a person. Was going on..He proposed one day. She explained that she is already in lv wid someone. Then he left.they were really good friends.Helped each other.
After one year, he propose again. Due to some reasons, they became close. Now he is insisting her to live together with him telling that they can get married after one year after his sis marrg..

Dear friends, now what should i suggest her. She know that living together is wrong and she dont want to. But he is mad of her. he hurts himself every now and then if she tells something negative i.e nothing but about her previous relationship/ neg about being together. She is very much sure he will do something if she is going apart. Becos of his compulsion n her care for others this relation has come to this level.she likes him very much. She dont want someone to leave this world becos of her. She wants to live with first person.but he is not responding even then she loves him very much.

Now what to do friends.,Can i have ur suggestion pls??what sud i guide her??




 
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Sriramajayam

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#3
ஹலோ பெங்களூர் மீரா ஹியர்,
நல்வரவு என் அன்புடன் அழைக்கிறோம்..
Hello Meera Here,
Welcome to PENMAI..
smileys-praying-742234.gif
(Pl wait, my senior ppl will give suitable reply 4 u..)

 

sumitra

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#4
Hi,

I have joined penmai to get some suggestion regarding my friends pb, for which i am not able to give an apt solution. After thinking so many ways i decided to take to this forum so that we will have multidimensional thoughts. Fine let me explain very briefly.

My friend - Studied, having a good job, too good nature etc,etc., She was in lv with a person who is also very good in nature,very caring,crazy about her. Their love for each other has grown everyyday.They were mad on each other.(i have seen personally). Everything was going on smoothly for almost more than four years. Then, somehow guys parents came to know about this and started blackmailing him emotionally. Moreover, he was having resp to make his sis married. Slowly, he started feeling guilty and one day, asked my friend to get married to someone coz he is feeling that he is spoiling her life. Its only becos of lv he has taken tat decision. After that he stopped talking.but my friend still sends him msg.calls him.eventhough there is no response. Becoz of this she was in depression and this continued for next 2.5years sending messages one side and the love for him never reduced. Then came the beginning of the ....!!!(Dont kw what to name). She got a friendship of a person. Was going on..He proposed one day. She explained that she is already in lv wid someone. Then he left.they were really good friends.Helped each other.
After one year, he propose again. Due to some reasons, they became close. Now he is insisting her to live together with him telling that they can get married after one year after his sis marrg..

Dear friends, now what should i suggest her. She know that living together is wrong and she dont want to. But he is mad of her. he hurts himself every now and then if she tells something negative i.e nothing but about her previous relationship/ neg about being together. She is very much sure he will do something if she is going apart. Becos of his compulsion n her care for others this relation has come to this level.she likes him very much. She dont want someone to leave this world becos of her. She wants to live with first person.but he is not responding even then she loves him very much.

Now what to do friends.,Can i have ur suggestion pls??what sud i guide her??




Dear Meerahere, the problem is very simple. if your friends likes the second man and she doesnot wants somebody to lose his life because of her let her go ahead and live with him. there is no wrong in that. After the marriage of the sister only your friend has to allow this man to have sexual relations with her. because if she allows sexual relations in this one year what is the guarantee that he will marry her. The first man ditched her because of his family problems and let her not allow the second man to ditch her after her sexual desires are fulfilled. Hence she must be careful while living together before getting married. She must be clear about it and also she has to explain to this second man to wait until this man's sister's marriage is over. If he agrees for the condition only she has to live with him. all the best. thanks
 

jv_66

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#5
Hi Meera,

Welcome to Penmai.

Your friend's situation is really pathetic.

It is good that she has come out of the first love.

Then , with the second person, she HAS TO INSIST HIM TO GET MARRIED WITH HER IMMEDIATELY.

Only after marriage, she can allow the sexual relationship.

In the LIVE -IN relationship, the partners cannot avoid sexual relation ship, living in the same house.

That person may think that, after living together for 1 year, they would continue their relationship through marriage, if they seem to be compatible with each other, otherwise, they would part.

But this is not at all a healthy relationship, since they cannot avoid sex. They will surely be attracted towards each other and couldn't control their feelings.

So, your friend can insist him that both of them get married immediately and will surely lead a very good and happy life, when they love each other immensely.

Generally, we should be careful with persons, who tortures themselves, siting some or other reasons (for love or for not accepting their demands etc.)

If he is not accepting, ask her to tell him, that "let us be friends or lovers till the time we get married" but please ask her to say NO to LIVE - IN relation ship, due to which the sufferer will only be your friend.
 

Preethi4u

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#6
Dear Meera,

If you talk about Live in relationship earlier,people say...ah that's only in western countries but now even in India(the country which is very well known for its culture,traditions moral values etc) we can hear n read about it everywhere..

Coming to your friends problem, what is the urge to get into live in relationship for your friend now?
If they are truly in love,why not... let them wait for an year more,let him finish off the commitment and come free to start up a new life.In life you always have some problems to be solved,commitments to be down etc..so we have to manage our life according to our wish.
Honestly there is no urge for your friend to get into live in relationship with him at this point of time.
If she wants him to be committed to her or him wants her to be committed,then lets them speak to their parents and get engaged and marry after one year or once he is done with his commitments. That makes sense i believe. In our country still we have our culture,traditions,moral values alive. Like Sumitra and Jeyanthi said, they cant avoid sexual relationship in live in relationship. And importantly they cant ask for anybody's help when their relationship gets into trouble.

Let them wait and start a peaceful,legal wedded life, if they really love each other and want to stay life long together.

Note : To tell you the truth honestly,im not against Live in relationship.Marriage or Live-in its ultimately the person who make up the relationship not the piece of paper i believe.The sanity of the relationship is in the love and the affection they hold for each other not in the rituals.One can even live a eventually committed life devoted to each other in live in relationship too.
 

Yamunan

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#7
Hi Meera,

Sumi, Jeya and Preethi has shared the correct points,,,

people change their mind often that too now-a-days everything has become normal esp fr youngsters so anything can happen,,, why do ur friend need to fall in trap,,,

ok above all,, Ask ur friend to live a true life for her,, True to her heart,, Dont mind about others in these things,, There wil always be a person like this,,

Don be pity on these guys - this will definitely spoil lives if anything turns bad later,,,

think of the consequences incase if that guy leaves after a yr,,, this will be known to many/few somehow by that time,,, and incase if ur friend is gettign married to someone else n if he comes to know - whole life will b in a mess,,

if they r sure, let them wait till they finish responsibilities or spk with parents n marry soon,,,

ask her not to take risks believing anyone,,, No one is true,,, anyone can do anything to attain what they need and they will not even mind after that,,, Be careful,,

Ask her to be bold enough to say NO,,, Ask her not to think from his point of view instead ask her to be wise,,,, if she starts thinking from his point then she is lost for sure,,, Ask her to think from all aspects,,,
 
Joined
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#8
Hi everyone,

My heartfelt Thanks for all your Suggestions. It was REALLY helpful. Conveyed my friend.

Sry i cudnt reply immediately since was held up smwr.

Will catch u all soon..

Have a nice day..

Love,
Meera


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