Financial fights in relationship


Lord of Penmai
Jul 5, 2011
Financial fights in relationship

Fighting about money is one of the leading causes of disharmony and discontent in marriage, Hopefully these situations will be rare in your marriage, but in case you do find your self fighting with your partner over financial issues I hope these guidelines can help you to get things back to normal.

Be quick

to recognize that any decision about money is a shared process. Each person contributes to the family’s well-being in his or her own way, whether it is by making a salary or providing services in the home. So each spouse should be able to voice an opinion about how money should be spent.

Understand Your Money Attitude

each partner to have a good understanding of their partner’s money attitude and believe. Each of you have a different view and attitude towards money and when you start ignoring each other’s money attitude things will go downhill. Take time to review and understand each other’s money attitude, once you have identified those believes you will be able to work on a solution.

Remain Calm

When emotions fly and tempers burst bad things are bound to happen. Often when you try to talk about a fight you will end up in another fight, the trick is to stay calm. Take a hold of yourself and try not to get emotional; this can be a stressful task so stress management techniques would be helpful. You both need to keep each other calm this will help you resolve the fight and hopefully your money issues.

No Blame Game

If you truly want to resolve the matter than stop the blaming game! Blaming will never help the situation, in fact blaming will only make things worse. Both parties need to take responsibility for their share; blaming and pointing fingers will only make things worse.

Back To The Basics

If things are not being solved just get back to the basics. Re-work your budget and financial goals, maybe things have changed so an update maybe in order. Go over your most recent statements and find things where you can make changes, update your networth and see if you are on track with your long-term goals. your financial plans have to be dynamic and change as your situation changes.

Put It In Writing

If you need to make changes and set new goals ensure that you both agree on things and put it all in writing. Put all of it in writing and revisit it on regular bases to see if you are staying on track, do this more frequently than the past to ensure things don’t get out of hand.

Create rules to keep finances on track.

Just as children feel more comfortable when rules are established, so will each spouse in matters concerning the family’s finances. This becomes more important for families whose finances are complicated by two incomes. For example, questions arise as to how much each person can spend on personal expenses each month, forgetting that those expenses are paid by the family rather than the individual. A common solution is for spouses to agree on a dollar amount that each may spend each month, and that any amount over that should be discussed.

Set goals for the family finances.

When goals are established, each spouse feels more connected to the process. Goals can be short-term, like agreeing to set aside a certain amount for entertainment, each month. Mid-range goals include saving for a new car, home down payment or a family vacation. And then long-term goals might include saving for retirement or planning for the couple’s latter years after the children are gone.

Look Past The Obvious

Sometimes things are not what they seem, although you may be fighting over money you may not really be fighting over money. Confused? Money may just be the obvious reason for the fight but not the real reason, there maybe other underlying issues that may cause the tension such as not enough time spent together, control, independence and so on. This may not always be easy to pinpoint and professional may be needed to help uncover the issue.

Get Help

Sometimes no matter how much you try the problem may not be resolved, in those situations seek help. If you truly care about your marriage then do not be passive about it, go out and seek help. Maybe a money coach or a financial planner can help you, if the problem is deeper seek a marriage counselor.

Marriage is not always easy and finance is the number one cause for divorce, however if both partners are willing to work on things and have a good understanding of their money attitudes things will work out.
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