Help me to solve my family probs

Joined
Jun 5, 2013
Messages
1
Likes
7
Location
Chennai
#1
hi friends,

nice to meet you all thru penmai.

i am newlly married, married before 2 months. for the last 1 month having probs with my mil. i have misunderstanding with her. tell me how to solve this.

is going to nuclear family solves the problem or how can i deal it.
 

sumitra

Ruler's of Penmai
Registered User
Blogger
Joined
Jul 26, 2012
Messages
23,812
Likes
34,051
Location
mysore
#3
hi friends,

nice to meet you all thru penmai.

i am newlly married, married before 2 months. for the last 1 month having probs with my mil. i have misunderstanding with her. tell me how to solve this.

is going to nuclear family solves the problem or how can i deal it.
Dear Vasanthikumar, I understand your problem. This is a usual problem most of the newly wedded young ladies face with mil. Treat your MIL as your Mother only. Don't react immediately whatever they say. Simply follow their instructions, don't give replies, be smiling always, immediately do the small jobs given to you and report to them that it is completed or if in doubt be polite and kind enough to approach them and ask once again. The frequency and expectation of MIL is little bit different as compared to your own mother. Hence you have adjust with the environment and act wisely. This is going to be difficult for you in the beginning only.

The solution for your problem is with you only. You have to be smiling always even you feel bad about their treatment in the house or in front of outsiders. Don't reply in harsh way even you are correct. Don't argue even your side is ok. Don't complain anything about the problems.

Be flexible. Be calm and cheerful. everything will be alright. all the best. thanks
 

jv_66

Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Joined
Dec 2, 2011
Messages
32,183
Likes
83,751
Location
Bangalore
#5
welcome to Penmai Vasanthi,

Since you are newly married, you are feeling like this.

Yes.....you should never give back answers to her. After all she is the mother of your beloved husband. At least for this reason, you can also think her as your mother.

Whenever any of your in laws tell anything , please do not react immediately and back answer them.

Leave that moment. Later, when they stay calm, you can tell your view about that matter, and they may accept it.

Even if they do not accept, leave it. Think that it is their character, and you ought to accept it. Only then, you can adjust with everyone.

ADJUSTMENT is very much necessary to run a smooth family.

Leading a nuclear family is not the solution for this. Try to win her heart by following these.

1. From the morning, help her in kitchen, but do not dominate her in the kitchen or in running the family expenditures. till now, she was the queen in these areas, and she would not like to give it to you all of a sudden.

2. Whichever work you do, ask her suggestion, so that she would be pleased, and in the later stage, she would ask your suggestion, by giving respect to your views.

3.Please do not complain about her to anybody including your husband. This will irritate your husband.

4.When you are talking to your neighbors, do not tell ill about her. Always praise her, and she would reciprocate this. Even if she doesn't do this initially, later she would do it.

5. Whenever you buy any dresses for you, you may buy for her also. This will surely please her.

6. Talk with her and try to know all the details about the past and present of your husband's family. Know all the important dates of the family members and try to celebrate their birthdays and wedding days in a gala manner. This will please her.

7. While you go out with your husband, make him to take her also atleast to temples or any relative's house, so that she would not feel as if you have grabbed him from her. You may also take her with you for shopping and temples or any other place she wishes.

8. Always try to be on her side, whenever any problem arises, so as to win her confidence.

Going away from the problems is not a solution, and winning hearts is great among all.

You can find more tips, in the below link.


How to run Smooth family
 

kavitha_rishi

Commander's of Penmai
Joined
Jun 7, 2012
Messages
1,902
Likes
8,517
Location
doha
#6
welcome to Penmai Vasanthi,

Since you are newly married, you are feeling like this.

Yes.....you should never give back answers to her. After all she is the mother of your beloved husband. At least for this reason, you can also think her as your mother.

Whenever any of your in laws tell anything , please do not react immediately and back answer them.

Leave that moment. Later, when they stay calm, you can tell your view about that matter, and they may accept it.

Even if they do not accept, leave it. Think that it is their character, and you ought to accept it. Only then, you can adjust with everyone.

ADJUSTMENT is very much necessary to run a smooth family.

Leading a nuclear family is not the solution for this. Try to win her heart by following these.

1. From the morning, help her in kitchen, but do not dominate her in the kitchen or in running the family expenditures. till now, she was the queen in these areas, and she would not like to give it to you all of a sudden.

2. Whichever work you do, ask her suggestion, so that she would be pleased, and in the later stage, she would ask your suggestion, by giving respect to your views.

3.Please do not complain about her to anybody including your husband. This will irritate your husband.

4.When you are talking to your neighbors, do not tell ill about her. Always praise her, and she would reciprocate this. Even if she doesn't do this initially, later she would do it.

5. Whenever you buy any dresses for you, you may buy for her also. This will surely please her.

6. Talk with her and try to know all the details about the past and present of your husband's family. Know all the important dates of the family members and try to celebrate their birthdays and wedding days in a gala manner. This will please her.

7. While you go out with your husband, make him to take her also atleast to temples or any relative's house, so that she would not feel as if you have grabbed him from her. You may also take her with you for shopping and temples or any other place she wishes.

8. Always try to be on her side, whenever any problem arises, so as to win her confidence.

Going away from the problems is not a solution, and winning hearts is great among all.

You can find more tips, in the below link.


How to run Smooth family
good guidance akka.:thumbsup
 
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
32
Likes
141
Location
Kumbakonam
#8
Dear sister,
It will take some months to understand ur mlw and she too has to understand you. So pl wait. Show through ur activities that you love and respect her. definitely all misunderstanding problem will be solved. All human beings , we crave for love and affection only.
 

Sriramajayam

Supreme Ruler's of Penmai
Registered User
Blogger
Joined
Sep 19, 2012
Messages
95,805
Likes
140,748
Location
Madras @ சென்னை
#9
ஹலோ சென்னை வசந்தி குமார்,
நல்வரவு என அன்புடன் அழைக்கிறோம்!

:pray1:




hi friends,

nice to meet you all thru penmai.

i am newlly married, married before 2 months. for the last 1 month having probs with my mil. i have misunderstanding with her. tell me how to solve this.

is going to nuclear family solves the problem or how can i deal it.
 
Joined
Jun 12, 2013
Messages
22
Likes
53
Location
Chennai
#10
hi friends,

nice to meet you all thru penmai.

i am newlly married, married before 2 months. for the last 1 month having probs with my mil. i have misunderstanding with her. tell me how to solve this.

is going to nuclear family solves the problem or how can i deal it.

Hi Vasanthi,

Problems with MIL is very common. Don't feel down for that. The main reason for all the problems between MIL and DIL is mere possessiveness. Your MIL will be of a thought that her son's affection towards her will be reduced just because of your arrival. So dont take her words to your heart. She may not be a good MIL at times. But always she will be the best grand parent for your child. Offcourse, best mom for your husband. For their sake atleast, you must be patient. Foresee the things and you will realise that she is very important for your family(i.e husband, child).

So whenever she says something which hurts you, Dont mind. Leave it and move on. Don't argue. If you really have a problem or something hurts you, just explain your situation to her in a soft manner. Even then if she is not satisfied, if you feel so much irritated, share that to your closed ones and forget about that. So that your envy or anger will be obviously reduced.

Because each and every relationship is important. As a DIL, perform all your duties to her. 'Kaalangal maarum, Katchigal Maarum'. So be patient and drop the idea of a nuclear family, unless it spoils the relationship between you and your hubby.
 

Similar threads

Important Announcements!

Type in Tamil

Click here to go to Google transliteration page. Type there in Tamil and copy and paste it.