How to fall Out of love

anitha.sankar

Commander's of Penmai
Joined
May 28, 2011
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#1
Did life give you a bag of lemons? Does the "perfect" mate think you are better off as friends? Although it might feel like you'll never find somebody better, there are some ways you can move on. Falling out of love is as unique to each individual as falling inlove, but here are some healthy ways to cut your emotional ties.
Make a list of all the reasons it wasn't meant to be. The number one reason should be that this person is not in love with only you. You deserve better than to be someone's back-up between flings, and/or ego trip. Other reasons may include incompatibility, especially when you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this person and remember the ways in which you clash on a regular basis. remember the times when you felt sad, neglected, unappreciated, betrayed, or even deeply hurt.

Remove as many traces of their presence in your life as you can. This is very, very difficult but also very important. Ask friends and family to help you sort through things and put anything that reminds you of him or her in a box. If you want to give these things back to the person, mail them--don't give it to them in person and torture yourself. An alternative is to bury the box (presuming it won't contaminate the water supply), burn it (with caution), or throw it (forcefully) into the dumpster. The physical act of destroying reminders of them may help your emotional side catch up.

Distance yourself. You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy. Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. If you must have some contact (such as work) respond to messages slowly after a few days. Only call back when you have a good excuse to get off the phone after a few minutes. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.

Practice thought stopping, a technique that helps you to become more mindful and in control of what you think (or don't want to think about, as the case may be.) When you notice a thought has popped into you about the individual, say to yourself or aloud, "Stop!", as a reminder to divert your attention. Visualizing an image such as a stop sign may also help. Then, choose something else to think about that is pleasant. For example, notice how the sun feels on your skin or what the breeze feels like passing by. Look at the clouds in the sky, notice your breath, or the sounds of people talking around you. Become aware of your body and how you feel in it. These will all take your mind off of your thoughts of her/ him in a tangible and effective manner. It takes practice and may feel awkward at first, but with time it is a very effective way to move on, not to speak of feeling and being more empowered by having acquired a powerful new skill.





 

anitha.sankar

Commander's of Penmai
Joined
May 28, 2011
Messages
2,263
Likes
2,739
Location
Salem
#2
Do all the things you've ever wanted to do, that you wouldn't have done if you were still with this person. Did you always want to take a tango class, but didn't because he or she "doesn't dance, period" and you didn't want to go without them? Did you want to go to that car, fashion, or antique lamp show with your friends, but felt reluctant to spend your day off with someone other than your love? Did you want to travel to an exotic country, but your partner didn't want to go because it's too hot/dirty/boring? Maybe--probably--there are ways in which the relationship held you back. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Do whatever you can to feel better about yourself. Exercise, eat well, take a class, meet people, go to parties, have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn't see you for the great person you are. There are those out there who will.

Mingle:
While you are distancing yourself from said object of affection, try to meet new people who share similar interests.

Understand that the feelings may never fade completely. You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and while you can eventually realize emotionally that you've grown apart, you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her. At some point, it may be possible to remain friends, but mind the boundaries and don't let your heart fall back into it.
 

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