how to handle a possessive mil?

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#1
hi... i am akila, house wife. my mil is very much possessive about her son. when i am trying to do something for him, she finds faults in that and scolding me. if i cook for him, she says he wont like this food, not tasty, etc... In front of him she puts me always down and she is dominating me too much. How can i handle this, basically i expect respect from all even from my mom and siblings, since my father brought up us like this. But my mil’s behavior is making me feeling very bad. need your valuable suggestions to handle her.?
 

umaravi2011

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#2
Hi Akila

really i felt very sorry for you

are u a newly married?

ellear veetlaum kalyanam aana puthithil MIl s ippudi thaan nathanthukiranga

yenna seiyarathu pa avankalukku oru bayam enga DIL thannoda paiyana prihiruvalonu?

unga MIL kkum athey bayam thaan

neenga avangala jasthy support pannunga avanga seiyara yella kaariyathaiyum praise pannunga unga husband munnadi avangala pugalnthu paaratti pesunga athula thappe illa yenna irunthalum avnga unga MIL athu maarave maarathu

neenga appudi nadanthu kittal avankalum santhosapattu seri iva nammala kai vida mattannu ungala anba naduthuvaanga cooking kooda avanga pakkuvam kettu seiyunga pa athila yenna thappu yaar pakkuvam senja yenna sapadu rushiya iruntha pothu milla


muthalla konjam cheramama irunthaalum poga poga palaheedum

scholl la, college la office la friend kitta yellam pudikalainaalum naama nalla pillai pola nadikaromilla life la kadaichi varai varra MIL kitta nadikkarathila thappe illa

ithanaala neenga unga huband and MIL yellarum santhosama iruppenga athu thaane valkai

try panni parunga appuram konja naal kalichu neengale penmaikku vanthu yenga MIL pola unda nu sollu veenga

all the best dear for your happy family life
 
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#3
hai,

Still I'm having the same problem with my MIL after 4 years of my marriage.... still she is behaving so hard to me....

what shall i do????
 

vijivedachalam

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#4
hi goo evening....

be relax........... relationship is like sea.. and we are sea shores.. sea always touch the sea shore.. but keep on watching the shore.. like that mil may not talk properly but she have some kinness on you.. only thing is she dont know how to express her care..
u just show care and affection on her.. one ay she will realise ur naturality................

be relax..
all the best...
regards,
viji
hai,

Still I'm having the same problem with my MIL after 4 years of my marriage.... still she is behaving so hard to me....

what shall i do????
 

jv_66

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#5
hai,

Still I'm having the same problem with my MIL after 4 years of my marriage.... still she is behaving so hard to me....

what shall i do????


Hi butterfly,

Please don't worry. These things happen in married life, and it is quite common with many MILs.

To tackle this, for each and every dish, which you prepare, ask your MIL, the quantity to be prepared, the quantity of salt and other ingredients to be added in the dish, etc.

You may also ask her, "அத்தை.....அவருக்கு இந்த பலகாரம் பிடிக்கும் இல்ல.....எதெது அவருக்கு பிடிக்கும், பிடிக்காதுன்னு இவ்ளோ வருஷம் வளர்த்த உங்களுக்குத் தான் தெரியும்."

Even after many years, some MILs expect these kind of questions.

When we ask her suggestion for each and everything, she would feel as if she is still the BOSS OF THE FAMILY, who will take all the decisions, and you are not dominating and plucking her role.

Think her as the office boss and give her this little happiness.After all, she has brought up your loved one(husband).

So, there is nothing wrong in giving her this happiness, and in a few more years, she will gain confidence in you, and start respecting your views.

These things ought to be followed to keep the HARMONY in the family. Find happiness in sacrificing some qualities of ours.
 

GayathriArun

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#6
Ignore your MIL's possessive attitude. Just do your job but never forget to give the due respect to be given to MIL. Most of the MIL's always have a rule that they are always right so just let her go with her rule. Ignore it and dont take pressure. She will be possessive with her son naturally and her possessiveness might hurt you but its the way of love that she knows to show it to her son, afterall between son and mother so its common. Come out of the circle, think wide, ignore petty issues since you cant change anyone unless they have the mind to change.
 

sumitra

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#8
Dear Akila, I understand your problem. I also had the same problem long back. I will suggest some of the best possible ways to cope up with your possessive mother-in-law.

Recently you must have been married to someone who happens to be the only son of the family? Better still, he happens to be the only child of the family? More often that not, he will be accompanied by a possessive mother, who monitors and judges each and every move of his and has all her brain cells working on how to optimize his actions to the highest degree. This possessive mother in all likely-hood consider every woman incapable of looking after her son’s ‘unique’ needs and even if she has agreed to the marriage, she might have done so reluctantly.

It is tough to be in such a relationship. There is no denying the fact. But if you really love the man, you need to work out some ways to help everyone live in peace. Here is some helpful advice which might see you through the day. However, we do recommend use of some highly creative ideas which can only come to you if you keep a firm head on your shoulder!

First of all don’t try to change anyone. Either him or your mother-in-law. This is one thing that will only lead to a bottomless pit of frustration which just might end up screwing up your own relationship. Instead, use the possessiveness to your advantage and include yourself in the equation each and every time your mother-in-law plans something.

For eg, if she obsesses about food and wants to cook for him, don’t fret. Throw in the towel (and your giant size I-can-also-cook-well ego) and ask her to cook for you as well. Not only do you save yourself the hassle of cooking (God knows that we modern women consider cooking to be the bane of our existence) but also get a well cooked meal as a bonus.

Become a sycophant. Instead of berating your mother-in-law for berating you, heap her will loads of praises and keep saying that you want to become just like her. This is going to get you in her good books faster than you can imagine and also keep the relationship with you and your husband argument-free. Over a period of time, she will forget about bad mouthing you ever and at the end of the day, both of you might just have a good relationship with each other.

Don’t forget the fact that she carried him for nine troublesome months in her womb (you can be sure that she will not let you or him forget that) and has lived through all him childhood tantrums and put him through school and college to make him the man you love. Appreciate her in public if you can. Remember, that though it is said that though you can fight fire with fire, it is only cold water which douses the biggest of fires!

Handling a possessive mother-in-law is going to take a lot of patience, understanding and thought. There are some do-nots which you must follow if you want to become a success in this challenge:
  • Do not bad mouth her in front of your husband
  • Do not rise to the baits which she will throw your way by way of comments on cooking, housekeeping, saying how much weight her son has lost since marriage etc.
  • Do not discuss your personal relationship with your husband with her. You never know when she might use it as information to be used against you.
Most women who have married men and are still in some way tied to the apron strings of their mothers find it difficult to manage the possessive mother-in-law and feel bewildered around her. That is exactly what the possessive mom wants to do: show her son what a bumbling idiot he has married! If you want to avoid falling in this category, then keep a cool head and follow the advice of the wise that have already been through this drill. Remember, when you can’t beat them, you join them!
 
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#9
I maybe wrong ...but this is what I would do in your position. I would keep living my life, the way I want to live---and not worry much about the MIL. I can't stay quiet on everything---I don't have a submissive nature. So if MIL would tell me that I do not cook well---maybe I would ignore it the first few times, but eventually I would give a cool headed reply--that atleast I like the taste, and maybe hubby can find it good too. Maybe women are adjusting by nature, but I am sure God didn't make me that way...because God didn't make all human beings alike. I would like my peaceful home, but not at the cost of my disturbed mind. So if I were you, I would ignore sometimes, and give cool headed answers sometime. But nevertheless, I would do what I think is best.
 

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