how to handle my mil

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May 9, 2014
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salem
#1
hi i am karthiga from salem. i got married 6 months before. i am living with my inlaws from the beginning. my husband is only son for his parents. still now me and my husband not having any idea of living separately. but now a days my mil start talking like that don't separate me and my son. don't tell anything to him what i am saying. don't try to change him. he is my only son. i want to be with him. like that and all...
she used to say that my husband is listening my words. she says this because i used to insist my husband to change some of his habits like having bed coffee, keep things in place. he also tried and changed his habits. but we never had a talk or think about going separate.
i can understand her feelings and why she is talking lik this. i also said her that we don't have any idea of that. we never leave you. your son loves you very much than me. if said also he wont come alone. so dont think of that. but she kept on in the point. she refusing to accept my words. moreover not believing me.for the past 2 months she used to talk like this regularly. i am really fed up with consoling her. at times i am getting irritation too. but still i didn't talk this matter with my husband. i don't know why she behaving like this. i don't know what should i do for making her peace. she is worrrying in that point. pls help me. what should i do now? how to handle this kind of things? should i say this to my husband? will it helpful for console my mil? will she believe the same in my husband words? pls help
 
Last edited:

jv_66

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#2
Welcome to Penmai...Karthiga.

Please don't worry about this.

First of all I feel very happy, that you don't have the intention of living separately only with your husband. Please continue this attitude till the end.

Your MIL is very much afraid that you would take her only son away from her, due to many reasons.

Before your marriage itself, some of her close relatives and friends would have cautioned her and would have given her some examples about some other families , in which, the new DIL would have separated their son from the parents to live separately.

They would have asked your MIL to be careful and cautious about this, so that it does not to happen in her family also.

Almost in all the families, the MILs will surely have this fear. In your case, your MIL would be of very weak minded and the above talks, if any would have struck her mind very strongly and only due to this, she is not able to come out of it.

Adding fuel to the fire, she has now noticed that her son, whom she has brought up for more than 25 years, did not change any of his habits, while within 6 months of your arrival has changed many of his prolonged habits.

She would have mentioned this to any of her relatives or friends, who would have frightened her that very soon, her son would dance to the tunes of his wife and leave the family.

That is why, she is so upset.

Now, what you can do is,

Then and there, say once in 10 or 15 days, you can ask your husband to take his mother , outside anywhere of her choice.

The main thing is , only your husband and your MIL should go out. You should not accompany them. if your FIL wishes to join them, he also can.

You just stay at home.

If your husband is asking the reason why you are not joining them, you can tell him, that , his mother will feel very happy when she enjoys outing alone with her son, even after your marriage.. By this activity, your husband will also feel proud about yourself that you are respecting his parents.

And now, your MIL will feel secured that, she is also taken care by her son as before.

Do not avoid them totally.Once in a while , you can also join them.

And you can ask him to buy any sarees or any other small gifts like slogam books, CDs or anything like that. Either , you can ask him to buy these on his own or if he seeks your help in selecting these, you tell him before itself, that he need not tell his mother, that you have selected these for her. if she comes to know, then she might tell you later that he is gifting her only after your suggestion and he himself is not caring her.

Let this continue for 1 year like that. Later, you can present yourself to her, so that she would have gained confidence in you.

Whenever any important decision is to be taken in the family, in front of everyone, you tell your husband that, only your MIL's decision will be final, as she is an experienced person and would guide the family well.

Then and there, you be asking all the suggestions for everything to her. This will give her much confidence on you.

Whenever any relatives visit your house, don't forget to praise about your MIL in front of them, that she is your another mother and you do not miss your mother's home, since your MIL is helping you in all aspects and you are able to learn a lot from her experience.

By this, the relatives will also come to know about your attitude and start praising about you to your MIL. Through this, she will again gain confidence on you.

If any of these are not working, you can take her to the pooja room and give her promise that you and your husband will always take good care of her and will never leave her in any circumstance.

And you may also ask her , how will she gain confidence about this matter , and assure her that you are ready for whatever she tells to do (like promising or anything like that)

Again if still she doesn't believe,then you can inform your husband about her fear, and ask him to assure then and there, that he will never leave her and go. Ask him to tell, that he changed his minor habits as these were good habits and when they were told by his generation girl (yourself) he was able to change them easily.

 

sumathisrini

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#3
Welcome to Penmai...Karthiga.

Please don't worry about this.

First of all I feel very happy, that you don't have the intention of living separately only with your husband. Please continue this attitude till the end.

Your MIL is very much afraid that you would take her only son away from her, due to many reasons.

Before your marriage itself, some of her close relatives and friends would have cautioned her and would have given her some examples about some other families , in which, the new DIL would have separated their son from the parents to live separately.

They would have asked your MIL to be careful and cautious about this, so that it does not to happen in her family also.

Almost in all the families, the MILs will surely have this fear. In your case, your MIL would be of very weak minded and the above talks, if any would have struck her mind very strongly and only due to this, she is not able to come out of it.

Adding fuel to the fire, she has now noticed that her son, whom she has brought up for more than 25 years, did not change any of his habits, while within 6 months of your arrival has changed many of his prolonged habits.

She would have mentioned this to any of her relatives or friends, who would have frightened her that very soon, her son would dance to the tunes of his wife and leave the family.

That is why, she is so upset.

Now, what you can do is,

Then and there, say once in 10 or 15 days, you can ask your husband to take his mother , outside anywhere of her choice.

The main thing is , only your husband and your MIL should go out. You should not accompany them. if your FIL wishes to join them, he also can.

You just stay at home.

If your husband is asking the reason why you are not joining them, you can tell him, that , his mother will feel very happy when she enjoys outing alone with her son, even after your marriage.. By this activity, your husband will also feel proud about yourself that you are respecting his parents.

And now, your MIL will feel secured that, she is also taken care by her son as before.

Do not avoid them totally.Once in a while , you can also join them.

And you can ask him to buy any sarees or any other small gifts like slogam books, CDs or anything like that. Either , you can ask him to buy these on his own or if he seeks your help in selecting these, you tell him before itself, that he need not tell his mother, that you have selected these for her. if she comes to know, then she might tell you later that he is gifting her only after your suggestion and he himself is not caring her.

Let this continue for 1 year like that. Later, you can present yourself to her, so that she would have gained confidence in you.

Whenever any important decision is to be taken in the family, in front of everyone, you tell your husband that, only your MIL's decision will be final, as she is an experienced person and would guide the family well.

Then and there, you be asking all the suggestions for everything to her. This will give her much confidence on you.

Whenever any relatives visit your house, don't forget to praise about your MIL in front of them, that she is your another mother and you do not miss your mother's home, since your MIL is helping you in all aspects and you are able to learn a lot from her experience.

By this, the relatives will also come to know about your attitude and start praising about you to your MIL. Through this, she will again gain confidence on you.

If any of these are not working, you can take her to the pooja room and give her promise that you and your husband will always take good care of her and will never leave her in any circumstance.

And you may also ask her , how will she gain confidence about this matter , and assure her that you are ready for whatever she tells to do (like promising or anything like that)

Again if still she doesn't believe,then you can inform your husband about her fear, and ask him to assure then and there, that he will never leave her and go. Ask him to tell, that he changed his minor habits as these were good habits and when they were told by his generation girl (yourself) he was able to change them easily.


Excellent Jayanthy.
:thumbsup
 
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#6
Next time, tell her, 'Please talk to your son about this, he is the one who makes decisions and you will feel better with his words only.'. Say with a smile..:)
 

vaishnnavi

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#7
Jayanthy எவ்வளவு அருமையா பதில் சொல்லியிருக்காங்க!இதை ஒவ்வொரு மருமகளும் follow பண்ணா நல்லாயிருக்கும்[Jayanthyக்கு என்ன வயசு:cheer:]
 

jv_66

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#8
Jayanthy எவ்வளவு அருமையா பதில் சொல்லியிருக்காங்க!இதை ஒவ்வொரு மருமகளும் follow பண்ணா நல்லாயிருக்கும்[Jayanthyக்கு என்ன வயசு:cheer:]
பாராட்டுக்கு ரொம்ப தேங்க்ஸ் வைஷ்ணவி .

என்னோட மகனுக்கு 24 வயசு . அப்போ கிட்டதட்ட என்னோட வயசை கணக்கிட்டுக்கோங்க .:)
 

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