How to handle teenage sons, need ur advice

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#1
Hi friends,

I am mother of teenagers, very hard to care of them nowadays. they are more engaged in internet games, social medias, unwanted sites.

now, i am facing the problem my elder son age 15, he is watching sex websites and videos. I don't know how to handle him. his behaviours are changed very dirty. really i am afraid. pls help.

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jv_66

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#2
Hi @renukr

Yes friend. You have to understand that this is a bitter truth. We as parents may be much worried but ought to accept these activities.


This is nothing new among teenage boys. It is very very common and almost 98% teenage boys would watch the porn (sex) sites or read those kind of books during their age of 12 –20.



This is due to their hormonal changes or rather hormonal urge to know more and more about sex. They would feel contented if they watch or read about these.


Nowadays, I am hearing about teenage girls also are indulging in these kind of activities,which we ought to accept but no other go. These are PEER PRESSURE.


You should understand that watching these kind of sites is of no harm upto certain extent.Because those children have no other way to relieve their sexual urge, which is a natural behaviour.


But watching these kind of sites should not exceed to that extent which will hinder his studies or day to day life. Ie., it will become common, if the limit of watching exceeds, their mind will start thinking or wandering only about this which will certainly affect their studies.


Another important activity the boys would indulge is Masturbation (I think you are mentioning about this only as dirty things). This is also very very common among boys and men who are not married. Nothing to worry about this when it is under control. It should not exceed beyond control.


Though the mothers would be shocked about these, fathers will not be shocked. So, mothers should accept these as normal and common among teenagers. Mothers should not worry much about this but accept the fact. But having an eye over this matter is also necessary.


For this,only your husband can help him to have it under control.


Your husband has to talk to your son(s) only in a friendly manner, that he comes to know about his activities, which he understands as a common one during the teenage.But these activities (watching porn sites or masturbating) should never cross the limits. This is the age to study and all the other activities can be enjoyed once they settle down in their life. As the over activity of these will surely hinder their studies, they should not give importance to these. Crossing the limits will keep them wander only in these thoughts and will reduce their interests in all the other important activities like studies, sports,and whichever talent he has.

He can also help them to learn the breathing exercises which may divert their thoughts. He should explain this to them. Other exercises, listening to more music, dance etc, can also divert his thoughts.


When your husband tells these to him/them once or twice, it is enough. Remember, he should tell these only in a friendly manner and should never behave like a father in this aspect (ie., it should not be commanding).


Also, your husband can tell your son that, he is always there to help him under any circumstance.


At the same time, you should also tell him then and there, that he should not sit very close near all the ladies except mother,sister or grandma; or hug any distant ladies. He should always respect all the ladies. You should also tell him that, you can understand about the teenage boys who will naturally be attracted towards the girls, but it should stop only with watching them and should not proceed further. This is because, in this technologically advanced world, few girls may take advantage of the activity of your son’s activities towards them and start blackmailing.


You can also use the filters to watch the sites in your computer or mobile, but mind you,then they will forced to watch these sites in their friend’s house or any other place. These cannot be avoided.


On your part, mothers and sisters should avoid wearing very revealing dresses and be careful while bending down (hope you understand this). Also ladies (mother,sisters) should completely avoid lying(while sleeping) next to the teenage boys. In these ways, we can avoid unnecessary happenings.

Regarding the internet games, social media interactions, you can limit their usage as long as their academic results doesn't affect, but can never be completely stopped in this technological age. You can be strict about the timings of using these, which will not hinder their studies.

Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in Penmai eMagazine January 2018. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.
 
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#3
Thanks friend.

My hubby is working in UK, so i not discussed about this with him. But the situation going worst, my son doing dirty (unappropriate) behaviors with me that cause very afraid. i dont know how to solve this without my husband knowledge. i am hesitates to discuss with others initially, but i have to solve this so looking good counselling for him.

Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in Penmai eMagazine January 2018. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.
 
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hiranmayi

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#4
@jv66, amazing. Such a detailed response addressing the various dimensions of the pbm.
@renukr, I would say ditto to what the above poster said.

If it would make you any better, learning these things to a certain degree is actually good. You don't want your son to be a prude. Do you? People who.are extremely shy of these things may turn out to be impotent or asexual. Again its a chance. May or may not happen. What am trying to say is a coin has two sides.

As far your son watching these sites there is nothing much you can do about it. A 15 year old cannot be shouted at nor can we have an upper hand on what he must do and what not. Technology has both pros and cons. But one thing you can do is you can keep him completely busy. Meaning after school let him go to classes whichever he is interested in. Since you say he is 15 am guessing he is in 10th, so tuitions is another option. By doing this, though you cannot completely restrict him you can minimise his thoughts on watching these videos. Our motive is not to make him completely stop watching these videos but to divert him to certain extent so he will not put his thoughts to action or lingering on the same thoughts and not concentrate on the other important aspects of life.

Is there a possibility that you and your kids can join your husband in u.k or can he come back to join you people here. If thats not an option ask him to take a short leave and have an heart to heart talk with your son as in a friendly talk or not a dad son convo. Let him make it as a casual visit and not to give suggestions that the trip was to only address the issue with your son. Definitely that would not be to your son's liking.

I don't understand exactly what you mean by your son trying something with you. If it is what I think it is, then ya counselling is a good option. But you must tell your hubby, there is no point in hiding these things. As a father he will have better control over the situation if he is not kept in dark.

On a side note, the stages of checking the pampers, daily intake of food, not drinking enough water, not using the restrooms in school were the bigger worries. With age comes the biggest nightmares. Dunno how I will handle these things when time comes. Sorry for the digression. Hope you find a good way out of this. Do share your experiences so that we all will benefit.

Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in Penmai eMagazine January 2018. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.
 
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U

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#5
Dear Renukr,

Hi! In present times we parents have to face problems that were never known to our parents. The other two Members - jv_66 and hiranmayi have given very good advice. Please try to be calm and dispassionate objectively trying to view your problem as a third person and then you yourself will be able to come up with several methods of handling your son. And those solutions will be most appropriate as you will be knowing your son better than all of us.

Recently, another friend of mine had a similar problem with a teenage daughter and I've had a telecon with her just before writing this post and she informed me that she had approached Dr. Naran Balakumar who is at (#[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.87)]098843 01634), [/COLOR] [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.87)]New No.6, Vaidya Raman Street, T. Nagar, Near Hindi Prachar Sabha, Off Thanikachalam Road, Parthasarathi Puram, T Nagar, Chennai, Tamil Nadu 600017. His assistant Mrs. Shobhana is a pleasant lady and will be available between 10am - 12hours and 3-5 pm. You may explain your problems and she also will be able to give you proper guidance and fix appointment if necessary.

Please do contact them only if you want counselling and treatment through a holistic method. Please do understand I have no personal interest in the reference and will not benefit in any way. I am only trying to help another mother having adolescent problems with her son.

He has to have heavy physical exercises regimen - yoga, aerobics, weight-lifting, swimming, basket ball etc so that his mind will be fully engaged in activity and he will feel energetic and active with better things to do. I perfectly understand how difficult your position is but we all have to go through this slippery path.

You must be able to tackle him with a mix of gentle motherliness and strict mentoring. You may ask him to chant Hanuman slokas to give him focus and mental stability.

God bless!
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Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in Penmai eMagazine January 2018. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.

 
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jv_66

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#6
Thanks friend.

My hubby is working in UK, so i not discussed about this with him. But the situation going worst, my son doing dirty (unappropriate) behaviors with me that cause very afraid. i dont know how to solve this without my husband knowledge. i am hesitates to discuss with others initially, but i have to solve this so looking good counselling for him.

Hi @Renukar

I am able to understand what you are mentioning. Very few boys do like this which they may continue throughout their life in front of all the other women (or with other women).

No women will be able to accept these behaviours.

So, your son must get a good counselling from a suitable Psychiatrist. Please take him as soon as possible.

At the same time, please do remember that you should never hide any of these activities from your husband. Your husband should know everything about your children and your way of tackling them.
@hiranmayi has suggested suitably how your husband can come to India and you may follow that too.

You should go to a suitable Psychiatrist first and let him/her know all the details about your son and his activities/behaviours. They will suggest you suitably how to handle this situation and how to bring him to meet them , so that they could counsel your son.

Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in Penmai eMagazine January 2018. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.
 
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anbupurush

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#7
Hi[/FONT]
Thanks for tagging me.[/FONT]
I think your situation is difficult because of the absence of you husband.[/FONT]

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Do not keep your husband in dark, as he has to know about your son, and may be as a male he can help your son.[/FONT]

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Is your son speaks openly with you about his feelings, or only he is behaving like you said.[/FONT]

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First you try to speak to him, about his behaviour. Tell him that what is wrong and why it is wrong and what is right. Tell him that his behaviour will isolate him from his peers and bring shame to him. Is your son close to you? If he is close he will definitely listen to you.[/FONT]

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Do not panic, I think you are the only female in your house, naturally he is attracted to the opposite sex, since you are the female, he is misbehaving. May be this is the effect of the pron videos and sex videos try to restrict to some extent excess of anything is bad.[/FONT]

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How was his studies and behaviour earlier? Is he studying in co-ed school? How is his behaviour with his girl friends? Will he speak about his friends and share about the school experience with you? If yes you can easily figure out his behaviour with his girlfriends in school, or you can find out about his behaviour with his teacher.[/FONT]

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If it was good and only now he is behaving like this, may be he is confused with his feelings and urges. Help him to win his physical urges and wrong behaviour. Help him to channelise his energy, indulge him in sports, so that he does not have time or energy to the unwanted activities.[/FONT]

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Take the advise of your husband. If you cannot speak to your son and enlighten or guide him, take him to the councillor who can help him.[/FONT]

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Do not afraid of your son, he is kid and don’t know what is good for him. As a parent you can mould him into a good citizen. Do not feel that only your son is behaving like this, it is good that you found out about your son’s problem, so that you can help him to come out of his problem and grow as very good person.

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Moderator Note:

This Article has been published in Penmai eMagazine January 2018. You Can download & Read the magazines HERE.

[/FONT]
 
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U

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#8
Hi @renukr!

I empathize with you reg. your teenaged son's behaviour. It will now be the time for preparing for exams and he has to focus on his books more than on virtual experiences.
I have come to know of one 16 gavanakar Thiru Kanaka Subburathinam resding at Maxworth Nagar, Chennai who is a great counsellor and adviser to all sections of persons - especially to students facing exams. You may contact him by googling him and getting his phone number. As a mother, I wanted to share this info with you.

Please keep us updated on his present frame of mind.
vazhga vallamudan!
 

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