How to Identify and Get Rid of Toxic People in Your Life


Lord of Penmai
Jul 5, 2011
How to Identify and Get Rid of Toxic People in Your Life

People like to believe that the people around them are perfect, that they've chosen just the right people that can make their lives easier. These people chosen can be friends that are close enough to be family or a family member that a person loves enough to consider a friend. These certain people can be the ones that a person can confide in or go to when they need help. Even when they just want to chat, a person can go to one of their closest friends or family members. However, something can slip in between the cracks of your life, a toxic person. There are at least five toxic people that can ruin a person's day, or life. Here are the different types:

The Needy Failure
This person is smart, well balanced and has a good personality. Unfortunately, this person can siphon the life out of you every time they say that they need something or ask you for something. Why won't they get it themselves? Well, chances are that they've quit their job or quit school and/or can't get a job (again). They will milk a major situation for all it's worth. They will milk a minor situation for all it's worth. Most likely, this type of people will probably feign an illness to get attention. This kind of toxic person also has an even darker side than you think. If you go to them with your problems, they will make you feel like you're a burden. They won't pay attention to you, and it is likely that their one track mind is on something that they can't get themselves.

The Victim
This person is just like the needy failure, to a lesser extent. This person is far more responsible and independent. However, everything is about them and there is always something wrong happening to them. This person is a perpetual martyr and will even go so far as to say that anything bad that has happened to you is not nearly bad as what's happened to them. If you get into a car accident (God forbid), this person will bring the entire situation around to when they cut their finger making orange juice with a juicer that you probably can't even afford. This person makes mountains out of molehills if they get a scratch and will tell everyone in the vicinity about this. They will even milk a situation to get sympathy.

The Guilt Trip Expert
This person is quite clever. He or she will tell you everything that you want to hear when you ask for help. They will offer help even when you don't ask for it. However, this person will complain about how hard it was for them to get it and make you feel guilty about the entire situation, even when you didn't ask for it. If money's the case, this person will give it to you and then talk about how many bills they have to pay and how much they are and as you're listening to this; you start to think about how much of a failure you are for asking the money. You start to feel like a failure for not having the money to help this person. This person likes to make choices and then complain about the pressure of how hard their choice is. This person will even have the audacity to ask you what you're doing and when you tell them what you're trying to do, they'll give you this look of disdain. Then, the person leaves and you spend the rest of the day feel like crap at the bottom of someone's shoe.

The Perpetual Coward
This person is probably smarter than the top three types of people altogether. This person notices all of the negative qualities in toxic people. This person will even complain about it. But when confronted with the person that they have a problem with, they will say hardly anything and act as if nothing's wrong. The irony is that this person will not hesitate on confronting someone that they perceive to be passive, or more passive than the person that they're having problems with. This type of person will call a more passive person out on their misdeeds at the drop of a hat. However, don't call this person out. They'll cower down and try to smooth things over as soon as they possibly can. This is a weak person, a submissive person who likes to play dominant to other (seemingly) submissive people. But, they can't deal with (seemingly) real dominants.

The Person with No Soul
This is quite definitely the worst person to be around. This person can bring you to your lowest just by greeting you with their presence. This person has a perpetual entitlement issue and you can comply with their demands, but it's never enough for them. When giving, this person won't complain but will give you the least that they can possibly give without hearing a fuss. But, they will take anything in their line of vision, be it money, prescription drugs or anything else that they can get their hands on. This person is all four types of toxic people combined. They will point out your faults and everyone else's faults and bring up something that they had to do that was difficult at the time so they can end up getting something that they wanted. When you're at your lowest point, they won't be around or they won't want to "deal" with you unless they want something. This person can literally suck the life out of you.

Now that you know the types of toxic people that are possibly in your life, what do you do? You don't want to cut them out of your life. That's understandable, but you have to understand that these people are dangerous to your mental health and your physical health as well. These people can stress you out to the point of depression, heart attacks or strokes. So, what do you do?

Cut them off
Despite the title of that option, this is not the same as cutting them out of your life. All you're doing is getting rid of any kind of ammunition that they can use against you. If someone asks you for something, tell them no or that you simply don't have it. If someone offers you something, get yourself in the position where you can say "Thanks, but no thanks." That way, there is nobody that can take advantage of you or make you feel guilty.

Let them know how you feel
Even if this is a long, lengthy and tearful conversation, tell the toxic person in your life how they treat you and how you normally wouldn't tolerate this kind of treatment from just anybody. Call them out on what they're doing and really get your point across. You may need to rehearse your side of the conversation a few times and pray that all goes well, but this is your moment to shine and be strong.

Put your foot down
Show the toxic person in your life who's the boss and lay down some ground rules. Tell them how toxic they are and how you refuse to continue to tolerate their crap. Put your hand on your hip and threaten them with what will hurt them the most if they refuse to comply with your demands. If it's your friendship or just your sheer presence, threaten them with it. If it's money, threaten them with that. Do whatever it takes to be heard.

Fight Fire with Fire
This may be a little childish, but play a little game of "Monkey See, Monkey Do." A toxic person hates it when they get a dose of their own medicine. Make a guilt trip expert feel guilty for something that they're trying to do. Be needy towards a needy person. Be soulless towards a person with no soul. This will back a toxic person off better than anything else and give you the upper hand.
And if none of these options work and all else fails...

Clean House
This does not mean clean up your house. This means that it's time to cut the person out of your life for good. You've given them chance after chance, and you've done everything possible, but it didn't work. So, it's time to let that person go. You can do this in a letter or to the person's face, but do it. All hopes for that person to change are gone, so there is no reason to try anymore. They still might try to make it all about them and make you feel bad about cutting them out, but you just have to let the feeling pass. You did what was best for you and you'll end up happier
Everyone has a toxic person in their life, full of poison for your soul. The objective is to get them out of your life. Oprah Winfrey is always encouraging people to live their best life, and ridding yourself of as many negative things as possible is (or should be) the first step. Here's to your best life.

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