Husband and wife relationship

Joined
Feb 25, 2015
Messages
2
Likes
10
Location
bangalore
#1
Hi sisters I need your advice, I got married in jan. It is an arranged marriage. A week after our marriage my husband told about his past love failure. He asked me for some time for this marriage life. I was disappointed. I asked him why didn’t you tell before. He was very silent not replied. We had 4 months between our engagement and marriage. We used to talk in phone but he didn’t discussed this matter with me. He was very quiet during our phone talks.
I can’t define our relationship status now. I am not able to accept his past love and after that incident I can’t able to talk with him frankly. I am being with him only because for my parents. This life is frustrated. What can I do in this situation? He is still in her thoughts, how can I accept him.
 

Amrudha

Friends's of Penmai
Joined
Aug 4, 2014
Messages
378
Likes
1,204
Location
Madras
#2
Hi keerthi suthan I can imagine how difficult and frustrating this situation is for you. That your husband told you about his ex and so much after marriage is one of the great problems of today's focus on trust. It sometimes loses out our control.

But in this situation, dont think like i am living with him only because of my parents. Honestly saying, ex love past love are very common on these days. We rarely found a man who doesnot have a love in his past. Now you think on one that it was your husband's infatuation before you became his wife. just focus on the present, after all he chose u.

He really cares about you enough to continue getting closer for the long term thats why he told all these things and asked some time. You need to be able to look at the truth and reality, not at the past! Besides you're a new bride. just Married. I understood that it was very hard to accept. but life has to move on.. Dont mess up with all things.

Give sometime. Show by doing little things on how much you love him and make your husband realize how much you still love him. He will be on your side very soon.

I wish you and your husband the very best! Happy married life.
 

RathideviDeva

Minister's of Penmai
Registered User
Blogger
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
4,125
Likes
14,730
Location
California
#3
Excellent advice Amru.
Keerthi,
As Amru said, just try to accept the fact and remember that any kind of relationship depends on love, respect and trust.
Your husband respects and trusts you, thats why he honestly communicated with you about his past life. He asked you for sometime, so that he can start a genuine relationship, without any lingering effect of his past.

I think, only thing that is bothering you is, why he dint speakup before marriage. Just think for a moment, how could he open up to you. There is no solid bond between both of you. Can he trust you?

But now you guys are together in a commitment. Now he showed his trust to you. Now it is your turn. It will take sometime for you to accept the fact. Meanwhile try to be patient, time will fix everything. Beleive that you are the only person in his mind, now, and he loves and cares about you.

Just remember that your husband dint love another girl, it was the bachelor who loved a girl. Start a happy life once you both, start trusting each other.

My best wishes for a happy and prosperous married life.

-Rathi
 

jv_66

Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Joined
Dec 2, 2011
Messages
32,163
Likes
83,718
Location
Bangalore
#4
Hi Keerthi,

Our friends have suggested you very well.

As they have said, the love affair before marriage is very very common nowadays and everyone does not succeed in them.

So, you can just ignore it and think only about the future.

along with those suggestions, hereafter you should try hard to shower your love and affection over him. With this, he will have no other option than to fall in your lovely care.

Please don't try to dominate but shower your love and affection only in a soft manner by fulfilling all his day to day needs and giving him the utmost care.

You can also tell him once, that you will surely wait for his love and affection towards you, but till then you will surely shower them over him , since you love him so much.

These words will surely move him and very sooner he will be your best lover and best husband.
 

priya ravi

Friends's of Penmai
Joined
Jun 13, 2011
Messages
191
Likes
311
Location
Kuala lumpur
#5
Hi sisters I need your advice, I got married in jan. It is an arranged marriage. A week after our marriage my husband told about his past love failure. He asked me for some time for this marriage life. I was disappointed. I asked him why didn’t you tell before. He was very silent not replied. We had 4 months between our engagement and marriage. We used to talk in phone but he didn’t discussed this matter with me. He was very quiet during our phone talks.
I can’t define our relationship status now. I am not able to accept his past love and after that incident I can’t able to talk with him frankly. I am being with him only because for my parents. This life is frustrated. What can I do in this situation? He is still in her thoughts, how can I accept him.
Hello Keerthi

"He is still in her thoughts. How can i accept him ?" HIS THOUGHTS IS WITH U KEERTHI ..

He didnt want to miss u at first point..thats y he didnt speak about this before marriage..

Second, he wants to start his life with u without any lies.. He must have felt, urs relationship has to start on a positive note and not on betrayel.

Third, he trusts u more enough to share his past and right now needs ur support be it words or gestures.. Not necessarily as a wife, but as a good friend who can show iam with u for all times..

I would suggest u

Dont hate him, instead accept him as ur good friend. Listen to his past once for all and help him get out of it.. never bring out this past in ur words after u start ur relationship.. and never discuss his past with ur family members or relatives, bcoz he trusted u and told these

Not necessarily love has to blossom at first sight or after tying the three knots, start building ur relationship with trust and care of a good friend.. this would be much stronger and he would become ur bestie whom u can hangout throughtout ur life ..

Take a break and go exploring.. to a new place and among new people, both of u do the things which u wanted to do from ur childhood, or indulge in activites that u would love to..

All the best to u Keerthi :)
 
Joined
Feb 25, 2015
Messages
2
Likes
10
Location
bangalore
#6
Hi sisters thank you so much to all of you. You opened my eyes. I was only thinking in my point only. I was in depression. But after reading your replies, i can able to understand the fact. I was thinking that my husband was totally wrong and spoiled my life. But I was wrong. I didn't tried to understand him.

Dear sisters many thanks for you all. I will try my level best to understand and build a strong relationship with him. Thank you all.
 

RathideviDeva

Minister's of Penmai
Registered User
Blogger
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
4,125
Likes
14,730
Location
California
#8
Thats the spirit keerthi. Keep it up. It may take some time to move on. If he is not talking in details about his past love, good for you. If you know about the other girl, you may end up comparing urself with her. May be just get the outline. So, as long as he is ready to shed his past and show his 100% commitment, just be a reliable friend upon whom he can lean on. Take how much ever time you both need. But after that never bring up the past.
There is a prosperous happy life ahead for both of you.

Best regards,
Rathi
 

SADAIYAN

Friends's of Penmai
Joined
Feb 7, 2014
Messages
174
Likes
268
Location
RAMNAD
#9
ஒரு விஷயம் இங்கு பதிவு செய்ய விரும்புகிறேன். இந்த பழைய காதல் என்பது எல்லாமே மனது மற்றும் உடல் சம்பந்த பட்டது. இது ஒரு இன கவர்ச்சியின் விளைவுதானே ஒழிய இதில் வேறு ஒன்றும் இல்லை. மேலும் இந்த சூழ் நிலைகள் ஏன் ஏற்பாடு கின்றன என்று தீர யோசித்தால் ஒன்று நிச்சயம் புலப்படும். அதாவது தனிமை. தனிமை என்பதி செயல் அற்ற தன்மை. எப்போது ஒருவர நேரம் கிடைக்காமல் செயல் பட ஆரம்பிகின்றாரோ அப்போது இந்த விதமான உறவுகள், காதல் மண்ணாங்கட்டி என்பதற்கு வாய்ப்பே இல்லாமல் போய் விடும். தற்போது கூட இந்த தோழியின் நிலை, இவருக்கு முழுவதுமான செயல்பாடற்ற வாழ்கை முறை உள்ளதோ என்றே தோன்றுகிறது. எவ்வளவோ சிறந்த புத்தகங்கள் இருக்கின்றன. நமது மகாபாரதம் மற்றும் ராமாயணம் படிக்க ஆரம்பித்து அவற்ற்றை முழுவதுமாக தெரிந்து கொள்ள முயற்சித்தாலே , இந்த பெண்ணிற்கே, அவருக்கு தேவையான மிக சிறந்த ஒரு வழி புலப்பட்டு விடும். மேலும் ஏதாவது ஒரு விஷயத்தை எடுத்து கொண்டு அதில் திறமையை வரவழைத்து கொண்டு விடாமல் செயல் பட ஆரம்பித்தால் இன் நிகழ்வுகளை பற்றி எண்ணமே ஏற்படாமல் போய்விடும். நல்ல ஒரு counsellor இடம் சென்றால் வாழ்கை மிக சிறப்பாக அமையும் என்பதில் ஒரு துளி சந்தேகம் கூட தேவை இல்லை. வாழ்க வளமுடன்
 

jv_66

Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Joined
Dec 2, 2011
Messages
32,163
Likes
83,718
Location
Bangalore
#10
Hi sisters thank you so much to all of you. You opened my eyes. I was only thinking in my point only. I was in depression. But after reading your replies, i can able to understand the fact. I was thinking that my husband was totally wrong and spoiled my life. But I was wrong. I didn't tried to understand him.

Dear sisters many thanks for you all. I will try my level best to understand and build a strong relationship with him. Thank you all.
Welcome Keerthi.

Very happy to note your changed attitude. Keep moving on delightfully
 

Important Announcements!

Type in Tamil

Click here to go to Google transliteration page. Type there in Tamil and copy and paste it.