husband misbehaves with daughter

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#1
i am so sad to get advice from you all. i dont know how to react in this. i came to know from my daughter that my husband tries to misbehave with her when she is alone in home. i am so much vexed and living like a dead body after hearing this. please tell me how and what to do now?
 

RathideviDeva

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#2
Hi @manojos,
Sorry to hear this. Dont come to any conclusions, yet, without knowing the facts. This not the time for you to get emotional or freeze. You are the only one your daughter relies on to resolve the issue. For now do not leave your daughter alone, neither with your husband nor with anybody , for that matter, for long period of time. First make your daughter feel secured, give her trust that you will take care of everything and that she will not be in harms way at any cost.

Monitor your husband's behaviour, silently, without letting both of them know. If, what your daughter says is true, take him to psychiatrist. He needs help before he becomes a menace to the society.

You should also watch your daughter's behaviour. There could be some sudden behavioural changes(in either of them), which might raise the red flag. If your daughter is lying, dont show your outburst or insult her. She might need counselling to find out the source of the problem.

Dont wait too long and whoever might be the source of the problem, it is going to be devastating to you. Be strong, dont lose hope and your first priority is to get them the appropriate help needed and then think about the consequent actions.

Best regards,
Rathi
 
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#3
thanks for replying rathi. yes i confirmed this with some proofs, but dont know how to ask him directly. how the problem will be diverted or any big mess will be created in our family.

regarding counselling i dont know how to ask him to come for counselling? any other solution.

my life and my family was in big? my daughter not at all talking with his father. but he is talking with him quite natural as nothing had happened. but she is not responding.

we are from a well decent family, i didnt said this to any body, since this may cause bad about our family. but i heard that my husband has affairs with some ladies even after marriage. we had some fights and then life was normal. now this issue i cant even digest.
 

RathideviDeva

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#4
thanks for replying rathi. yes i confirmed this with some proofs, but dont know how to ask him directly. how the problem will be diverted or any big mess will be created in our family.

regarding counselling i dont know how to ask him to come for counselling? any other solution.
Sister,
You have remained silent enough. Dont be a silent spectator anymore. This, is the worst, you could do to your daughter as well as your family. Your silence is making your husband continue his disgusting act, guilt free.
Why should you and your daughter be put to trauma.

Dont ask him anything as he is going to only deny, and it may slim the chance of him coming to counselling. First you go alone or with your daughter to counselling. Anyhow the psychological damage has already been done to your daughter. That scar has to be removed before it becomes permanent. Also you need mental strength to face this problem , without ever breaking down. The counsellor might guide you thru.

Then lie to your husband saying that your daughter has some behavioral problems in school or not getting good grades in school, because of which the school or college teachers has recommended to take your daughter to counselling. Or better, put the blame on yourselves, somehow convince him. Let the counsellor ask him directly.

If he is not cooperating with you, just walk out. You have already given him enough chances. Forget about the society, family name, etc., because they are not going to support you or your daughter in the future. I'm sure you are going to face tough situation, when you walk out. But if you dont take any action now, you are going to face even a bigger issue in the future. Just keep your head held high. You dont have to compromise your dignity and self respect. Initially the society(including your family) will try to crush you or silent you. Never give in. One day the world will understand you and you will feel proud about yourself for making the right choice at the right time. Get your friend's support. Be surrounded by people who will always motivate you and stand with you or help you get back up whenever you fall. Just find a support group and be a part of it. This beautiful life( you, your daughter and your future grand kids) is only once.

Before you make any decision be prepared with all plans and preparations for the financial support needed.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It is your choice to walk towards the light or just stay in the darkness.

Hope for the best, sister and believe that you will come out of this situation successfully.

Regards,
Rathi
 
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jv_66

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#7
Hi @manojos

Feel very sad and shocked to the core hearing this.

Rathi has suggested very well.

Try to follow those suggestions.

If , by any chance, nothing works out and if you are unable live separately with your daughter due to financial constraints, then you may follow the below suggestion if it suits you.

You may join your daughter in the School hostel either in the nearby city to your place or in a Residential school which is a little bit far away.

You may visit her once in 15 days and support her morally.

You can explain this to your daughter prior to this activity, since she has to understand the situation and mentally be prepared to stay away from you.

You can tell your husband that you have decided to join her in the hostel, so that she could learn to live on her own and that her responsibilities would increase.

Never allow your husband to meet her alone in the hostel. If he wishes to meet her, don't deny , but you may accompany him during his visit. You may inform this to your daughter too over phone.

And caution your daughter earlier itself, that she may deny meeting him alone in the hostel. She need not convey this idiotic behaviour to any one else in the world. It is just enough that the matter is between you and your daughter.

Even during her holidays....like the annual holidays, if she is visiting your house (ask her....rather plead to her.....to visit your house only during the long vacation and not during the shorter ones.....in order to avoid your husband), never leave her alone at home and please keep a vigil over her all the time.

During night times, you and your daughter lie in a separate room and lock the door.
 

girija chandru

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#8
counselling is the best advice to be given.
the daughter must be moved away. that will be a temporary solution.
your husband may get angry. but, that must be digested.
face things boldly. daughter is hurt all the more. she must understand atleast the mother's love for her.
 

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