husband not even touched me,

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#1
i was married before 4 months. completely arranged marriage. we both shifted to new city where he works and living without inlaws.

during 1st night he slept down leaving me in bed, i thought may be due to tired or his nature. but still after moving to this city we have our own house, still he didnt even touched me. i dont know to whom i have to say this, my parents dont know these his parents too.

do i need to say to my parents or inlaws or to ask him directly. if i need to ask him directly how to ask?
 

jv_66

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#2
Hi @chiva

Sad to hear this.

Is he talking to your normally atleast as a friend or taking care as a husband (except in the bed)?

There may be many reasons for this attitude of your husband.

May be , he is not at all interested in sex.

May be he would have had a Love failure ie., his parents would not have accepted for his love affair before your marriage.

Or the girl whom he had loved before your marriage would have deceived him and hence he would have got frustrated with ladies.

He may not be interested in marriage at all.

Finally, he may be suffering from any ailment.

There may be any other unknown reasons too.

Now, what you can do is,

Initially do not take this matter to any of the parents.

First you talk to him.

Ask him whether he is satisfied with your activities for the past 4 months.

Ask him whether he is satisfied with your cooking.

Ask him whether he likes you and whether he got married to you with his willingness.

Tell him to come out with whatever the matter is and that you will surely understand him and his feelings.

He might reveal all the matters to you.

If he did not face any love failure or entered into the compulsive marriage, then ask him whether he is doing well.

Ask him whether he would like to meet any doctor.

When he asks for the reason, you may tell him that all the friends , relatives and both your parents will surely start to ask you both about the pregnancy and about the forth coming child.

Now he will surely understand.

Then and there, give him assurance that you will always be with him throughout his life and will always support him whatever the situation may be.

Even if he tells that he had any kind of love failure, this may give you a shock, but try to digest it and tell him that he can forget that previous love affair since he is married to you and only you will come all along his married life.

Please understand that in these days, having an unsuccessful love affair before marriage has become common and need not worry much over this.

Tell him that both the parents will feel sad if they come to know about this and that let this not happen.

Ask him to accept you as his wife (in all ways) who will surely understand him and lead a wonderful married life along with beautiful children.

Tell him that you want to resolve all the matters within you both and do not want any one else to interfere (also both your parents) in your private matter.

If he is not opening his mouth regarding this, wait for 3 more months...he may need time to gain confidence in you. Then you may tell this only to your mother first. Later you may ask your MIL whether he had any previous love affair and whether they objected for it. Then you may tell her also.

They will take necessary steps.

But this should be the last step, because your husband might feel hurt when you take this matter to elders.

Meanwhile, never show any hatred towards him whatever the matter may be. Shower all your love and affection, so that he could never get away from you.

All the best.

We pray sincerely for your wonderful married life with children.
 

RathideviDeva

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#3
Hi friend @chiva ,
This is a serious issue. If he is friendly with you or taking steps in trying to get closer to you(need not be intimate but it could be gentle gestures like holding hands, the way he looks at you, the way he talks,....), there is point in giving some time to him. If he is not even friendly with you, then, he might be physically/mentally unstable to lead a sex life with you(this is just a guess). Whatever might be the problem, the medical world is so advanced, and the problem might be easily solvable than he thinks.

you have every right to ask him the reason. But be careful the way you ask him.

- Give him the confidence that you will be with him as it is not a single persons problem anymore. Tell him that whatever might be the problem there are definitely solutions and only if he talks it out, the problem can be resolved. Also make him understand how you feel.
- Tell him that he may not be in a position to tell you the truth. But this(ignoring you) hurts you a lot. Also tell him that he can forget about his past and plan for their future and that you are ready to wait for a certain period of time(you guys need to decide that)as long as he joins hand with you.
- While talking to him, dont ever tell your guesses about the problem. Just wait for him to talk it out.
- Try to be calm, polite and strong.
- However he reacts/answers dont get emotional
- Dont ever tell him that you may need to involve elders into this.

Never involve family members until you feel that you reached a dead end. This not only hurts men's ego, but also complicates the issue, further.

Best wishes for a happy married life!!!
 
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RathideviDeva

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#4
If he is not even friendly with you, then, he might be physically/mentally unstable to lead a sex life with you(this is just a guess)
It is a wrong choice of word ... what I meant was he is "not ready"

By Gods grace you and your husband will get necessary strength and patience to resolve this issue and lead a peaceful and happy life.
 
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