know to say NO


Lord of Penmai
Jul 5, 2011
know to say NO

Learn to say “no.” It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.

Charles H. Spurgeon

Many of us feel compelled to agree to every request, and would rather juggle a million jobs than refuse to help, even if we are left with no time for ourselves. But learning to say no can earn you respect from yourself as well those
around you.

So why do we continue to say yes? It could be that we believe that saying no is uncaring, even selfish, and we may have a fear of letting other people down. On top of this may be a fear of being disliked, criticized, or risking a friendship.

Interestingly, the ability to say no is closely linked to self-confidence. People with low self-confidence and self-esteem often feel nervous about antagonizing others and tend to rate others’ needs more highly than their own.

Being unable to say no can make you exhausted, stressed and irritable. It could be undermining any efforts you make to improve your quality of life if you spend hours worrying over how to get out of an already-promised commitment

Why We Find It Hard To Say “No”

You want to help.

You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.

Afraid of being rude.

you are brought up under the notion that saying “No”, especially to people who are more senior, is rude.
This thinking is common in Asia culture, where face-saving is important. Face-saving means not making others look bad (a.k.a losing face).

Wanting to be agreeable.

You don’t want to alienate yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement. So you confirm to others’ requests

Fear of conflict.

You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation.
Even if there isn’t, there might be dissent created which might lead to negative consequences in the future.

Fear of lost opportunities.

Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors

Not burning bridges.

Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.

At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying no, that affects the outcome.
After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs.

Simple Ways To Say “No”

Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to say no. After I began to say no to others, I realized it’s really not as bad as I thought. The other people were very understanding and didn’t put up any resistance.
Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind.

1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”

If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests

2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”

It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something

3. “I’d love to do this, but …

I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to the other party. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it.

4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”

This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No

5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”

If someone is pitching a deal/opportunity which isn’t what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out that itdoesn’t meet your needs.

6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”

If you are being asked for help in something which you can’t contribute much to don’t have resources to help, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person.

7. “No, I can’t.”

The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no.

8 Don’t feel guilty for saying no to your children.

It is important for them to hear no from time to time so that they develop a sense of self-control. It is hard to negotiate adult life without this important skill

9. Be true to yourself.

Be clear and honest with yourself about what you truly want. Get to know yourself better and examine what you really want from life.

Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is.You’ll get more time for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. I know I do and I’m happy
I started doing that.

Best wishes,


Minister's of Penmai
Penman of Penmai
Jun 6, 2011
Oh No... No ila ithanai Knows irukka.. Thanks for Sharing.. Interesting Viji...


Commander's of Penmai
Feb 27, 2011
Viji, thanks for sharing this valuable points to know how to say No in critical situations...thank you so much, keep posting....

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