Marriage life sinking...

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#1
dear friends,

joined this site today and hope i get solution for my problem from you all.

I was married before 4 years. My husband family has two younger brother and one sister. His father died when he is in schooling. He only married his sister.

My problem is my bil's are very lazy and getting money from my hubby for their day to day expenses. they are not going for job, even my husband joins them to new companies, but they are not going, they just ends up by saying lame excuses.

we have 2 kids, my husband is not saving any money for us. he is just spending for their families. i won't say anything for her sister marriage and all its his duty, but giving money to his brother is not bearable. whenever we have discussions regarding this, we end up with fights. help me how can i handle this problem and get solution.
 

Sriramajayam

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#2
ஹலோ சென்னை ஷேன்பகப்ரியா,
நல்வரவு என அன்புடன் அழைக்கிறோம்!
:pray1:​
Pl Wait,
My senior ppl give suitable reply 4 u.
Anyway, all d best..
:thumbsup​
 

jv_66

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#3

Welcome to Penmai.....Shenbagapriya.

Sad to hear about your BILs lazy attitude.

Are they very young?

You may tell your husband, in a soft manner, that , your BILs also need to get settled in their life, and for this, they need a good and permanent job. Otherwise, it may be difficult for them to get married and run their future life.You may also tell him, that, t
heir wives will respect them, if only they are put up in good jobs, and that they will never like their husbands to be dependent on their brother for each and every expenses.

Please do not fight for this, with your husband.

You may also tell your BILs in a friendly manner, that a permanent job is very much necessary for their future life, so that, it will be easier for them to get married and run their life.
And also, their wives and their relatives would respect them if only they are well settled.
 

sumitra

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#4
Dear Shenbagapriya, Welcome to penmai.com.

I understand your problem. Your husband as the elder brother of your brother in laws has a duty to protect them also. hence giving some financial help is not at all taken as waste or in some other manner. After your husband's brothers and their existence will be very much essential for leading the life happy by your husband. when your husband is in good mood, you explain the financial needs of the family and additional income through your going to job is the only way to meet the financial needs of the family smoothly.l You ask the permission of your husband for your going to job to meet the family expenses not mentioning about the endless giving helping hand to his brothers has made you to take this decision. you also mention that the single income made by your brother will not be suffecient to meet the marriage expenses of his sister. Then he may realise the situation and he will understand the financial burden created by his thandasoru thambigal. Pray the god and definitely your problem will be solved.
 

vijivedachalam

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#5
hi priya, its really a critical situation pa... its very clear ur bil are dependant persons... because nowadays youths are struggling for a job.. even though ur hubby helped to go for job, but they were not going means the problem is in their attitude..u r anni to them na.. i mean u r also mother to ur bil.. so just talk to them .. while talking , join ur husband also in this meeting.. u explain the family situaion.. if they were not showing intrest to talk means, u directly say to ur husband, don give money to themin fron of ur bil) .. u keep on saying his.. one day u will feel the changes in ur hubby and bil.....
 

GayathriArun

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#7
Learn to tackle him wisely regarding money matters because no husband will like if we tell them to reduce their expenditure towards their family. Anyway you are not going to loose him over this, right? When he doesn't have money for something urgent, then he will learn his lessons. He might already know what's going around him but didn't have other solution in his hand or too emotionally cornored by his family. Some people can understand the situation in less time and some people need years and years to learn their lessons and may be your husband is one of that kind. He still need to learn his lessons and you can't stop that.

Keep your husband financially tight by buying a property in a loan, then your husband has to pay his salary for EMI or put some insurance policies for your kids so that you can invest money for your kids future. This will make your husband to get more committed financially in your side, hence reducing unwanted expenses then if he is financially tight, he will question your BIL and will ask him to work and make money for their living.

The only way you can do something is by being nice to him, your fights will not work. The more you fight he will be more favorable to his family. The less you comment on his family the more he uses his mind.
Don't blame your husband instead give him solution.
 

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