MIL discouraging me in cooking

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#1
Hi,

I m a silent reader in this forum. Today I registered because I couldnt control myself:mad:. A sorrow shared is halved, so I thought to share here:smile1:.

Before marriage I have worked and lived in hostel. I started to learn cooking after marriage.

My mil is a very good in cooking, her dishes are famous in our circle. After marriage, I stayed with my in-laws for 2 months. At that time, she keeps me out of stove and giving other chores. Every time, when I ask her for how to do the recipe, she said that she is not good teacher to teach me this recipes, she asked me to ask my mom for it. But if some other relatives asked for any recipe, she will explain it all.

I feel very much hurt on her action.

My in-laws living in joint family, so in evenings my MIL and her co-sisters join to have chit-chat. Last month one day I called her at that time, to have a normal talk. Our conversation some how comes to stock of things, at that time I said idly podi(usually she prepare and gave, my husband like it very much) went out of stock, so I ask her how to do in her way, so I can make small stock till our next visit to In-laws house.

She replied,"Even if I tell, you cant make it, you dont know about how to make it". This she told in phone, in midst of all her co-sister, that too very loudly(she talked that in high pitch than her normal voice). I felt very much humiliated. I accept that I am not very good in cooking and taste. To prepare a idly podi, do I need to be a first rate chef? Such a simple recipe it is.

Recently I went and back from in-laws house, she gave me a bottle full of idly podi. Whenever my husband asks for idly podi, it reminds me of the above incident and making me anger. I will show it of in some other way and it leads to fight.

Shall I stop asking my MIL for idly podi from next time?? I m asking her, only reason my husband like it.

I have tried on my own, but it went one time more salty, next time less spicy, next time less aroma. what to do, shall I try again and again?

Everytime, she discouraging me in cooking, as like i dont know nothing. It is happening still also, after 2 years of marriage.

Once I said I have tried a new recipe of potato fry, she replied as however bad we cook the potato, it will taste nice only. After once I said I made cake without oven and it comes nice, she switched the conversation to some other immediately as like she didnt notice. From that I stopped to share with her about cooking.

I dont know, why she is discouraging me so on cooking? Does she wants me not to get good name from my husband and others?:frusty:
 

jv_66

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#2

Hi Mysticlife,

Welcome to Penmai.

Sad to hear about your MIL's irritating behavior. May be, she is of the type, that everybody should praise , only about HER COOKING skills.

OK.....it is better, that , you need not ask her anymore for the recipes or for idly podi.

Cooking is not such a big thing, which is very hard to learn.

Within these 2 years of marriage, you should have known about cooking atleast to some extent.

Even cooking experts may go wrong sometimes, with the quantity of ingredients. Only by PRACTICE, we will come to learn, and one or the other day you WILL BECOME A COOKING EXPERT. No doubt in this.

Here is a small suggestion.


Try this idly podi, in small quantities, for many times. Each time, you can note down the quantity of ingredients, in a note book, along with the dates,when it was prepared.

One or the other day, the product will come out properly. So, now, you can follow the same recipe, in future.

You can follow this, for all the other products.

If necessary, you can go to Cooking classes. You can follow, Cooking books.

Above all, if your mother is nearby your house, she is the good teacher for you. Also, you can ask her through skype or Phone and develop your cooking skills.

You can also tell your husband, that you will try your BEST, in cooking, through
DAY BY DAY LEARNING.
 

Yasmin banu

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#3
Hi,,

First of all come out of all of your frustrations...

Everything in the world which was made by man is a thing which can be done by another man, only God made things can not be.....

Regarding your major problem now,, cooking is a art which will come only by practice,, you can ask some elders who knows about your MIL's early days of cooking.

Refer Rak's kitchen in Google you will get a website, which was made by a Tamil woman. There you can get the recipes with step by step pictures. I am sure it will be helpful for the beginners.

I am sure in your next visit your IL's will get recipe from you.

And the main thing, you have your own talents and capacities ,, don't let any one to discourage you. No one in this world is perfect and no one in this world is waste,, every one are made by God for there own purposes, Just believe God and you.:thumbsup:thumbsup
 

vijivedachalam

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#4
hi dear.. i think u r newly married.. after two or three years when u think about htis problem u will feel this as nothing... first dont think about urself downly.. think u r highly talented.. buy cooking reciepe books and collect the reciepe from our penmai website also...
ther are lot of ways to fullfill ur doubts regarding reciepe.. first stop quering ur mil... if she regret ur way of cooking means just be silent da.. u have 2 fullfill ur husband only ..not ur mil... whatever she may think dont consider..... be happy.. oneday u will cook superbly. all will encourage u..... be happy... and cokking is not a exam to pass .. its an art .. u learn it wih full intrest.. u will cook super than ur mil.. ok va...

all the best dear.. cheer up...........................................................
 
Last edited:

Sriramajayam

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#5
Hello Mysticlife,
Pl Follow our Sr ppl advice.
Anyway, all d best & God bless u..
:thumbsup​
 

sumitra

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#6
Hi Mysticlife, first of all don't get frustrated. There is nothing in this world that we cannot master. There are two ways to approach your problem. first one is ignore your MIL and try your own recipes by trial and error and one day you will be experienced to win your husband's appreciation of meeting his tastes and likes. Another way is to tolerate your MIL's ignorance, sadist behaviour, go on approach her for small things and recipes, some how if she gives her ideas you follow. otherwise follow your own method by trial and error.

Next if you try any new items like potato fry do offer to your MIL but don't expect good appreciation from her. offering is only your duty. don't expect any good motivating words from her.

By doing this, one day you will become an expert and win not only your husband's appreciation but also every body in your house. all the best. thanks
 

nlakshmi

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#7
Hi Mystic life,
ithukellam ivvalvu varutha pada thevaiye illapa.. Neenga nalla cook pannalum avunga appadi thaan kurai solla poranga.. So cooking thaane pa... 10000 websites iruku.. 1000 books iruku... practice panna panna vandhudum.. ellarume porantha vudane chef illapa... konjam konjama kathuttu thaan avunga passiona valarthukuraanga... ungaluku salt and karam konjam athigama potruvomnu doubt irundha...unga fridgelayo, illa unga kannula padra maathi "ezhuthi vachikonga".. athe parkurappo... kuraithu poda nyabagam varum..

unmaiya sollanumna.. neenga unga MIL maathiri andha taste vara maathiri cook panna try panathinga.. unga own identity taste vara try pannuga...
appadiyum... avunga bragging niruthalena... ignore pannidunga.... ellar munnadiyum ungalukku sariya samaikka teriyalenu solluvanga... neenga ketkaatha mathiri poyite irunga... you dont have to prove or justify urself to anybody as long as the person who eats thats ur husband nevr complains... ithellam sappa matter pa... ithukellam ivvalavu importance kudukaathinga...
 

GayathriArun

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#8
Your MIL doesnt want to teach you to make idli podi or whatsoever because she might be scared that she doesnt want you to get the compliment of being a good cook especially from your husband. Your MIL might have gone through the same phase when she was new to dookin (only your MIL's MIL might be knowing, how worst her cooking was in the beginning). Any way you cannot keep your MIL'S mouth shut so remain deaf to your MIL's comments about your cooking and dont talk anything related to cooking. Your MIL must be having almost 40+ years of experience in cooking so dont compare yourself with her. When a woman with an attitude of discouraging a DIL can cook well then why not you? (its not that i am disrespecting an elderly woman, i feel that women with this kind of worst attitude with DIL, deserve this) We ladies of this generation are definitely fast learners, cooking is not rocket science. Its just like maths, what ingredients to add, in which order to add, the quantity of ingredients, proportion blab,blab,blab..........so its not at all a big deal.

Try chef sanjay thumma's recipe in vahrehvah.com. You can find his videos also. He is an inspirational cook. Follow his video just as it is, then you will be the kitchen queen.

Each and every person is unique. You will naturally feel like great cook in a short period of time that too in a different way, unlike her. Take these kind of issues light and prove yourself in cooking.
 
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#9
hai,
me too having the same problem after 4 years of my marriage... friends tell me how to overcome this...

In my circle (parents,sisters and friends,relatives except inlaws) everybody likes my cooking.....

b'cas of this nowadays i hate cooking and now i'm losing my confidence on cooking skill
 

jv_66

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#10
hai,
me too having the same problem after 4 years of my marriage... friends tell me how to overcome this...

In my circle (parents,sisters and friends,relatives except inlaws) everybody likes my cooking.....

b'cas of this nowadays i hate cooking and now i'm losing my confidence on cooking skill


Hi butterfly,

When everybody else, other than your in-laws likes your cooking, then, why should you bother?

Just go ahead......only by practice, trial and error, you will learn each and everything.

Follow the same procedure, as we have told already.

​Please do not loose heart for this simple issue.
 

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