MIL health issue - what shall we do?

Jul 8, 2014
my mil was now 65 years age, my son is her only child. we are settled in singapore before 15 years. my mil was with her sister these days. now her sister died due to heart attack, so she was helpless in india. now we are in the position to take care of her. but here in singapore medical expenses were too high and it was difficult for us to offer that much expenses to her. we have two kids and they are studying here, . we felt so much guilty on how to take care of her and we don't want to left her there itself also. what can we do?


Super Moderator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Dec 2, 2011
Welcome to Penmai, Sharmili.

I think your MIL would now have been practised to live with someone else other than her son and his family, since for the past 15 years, she is not staying with you people.

If it is possible for you people to settle down in India, then it is one option. But this may not be possible for all, to leave such a good opportunity to earn a lot in Singapore.

Since you have told that it is not possible to look after the medical expenses of your MIL in Singapore, then there is no other option than to ask her to stay in India itself.

Please do not leave her in any other relatives' house, as they may not look after her well and they may be more conscious about your money which you will send to her for her expenses.

May be her sister would have been a very good person and you may not expect the same with every other relative.

So, what you can do now is, come to India just for 10 to 15 days, and try to find a best ELDER CARE HOME for her, and make her stay there for the rest of her life.

You can find a best , suitable home from your Singapore friends who have already left their parents in such homes.

You can make her understand your position and inability to spend for her medical expenses in Singapore. I think she would understand.

As far as I know,Many elderly persons are staying alone in Flats even in their 80's (even ladies are staying alone). The neighbours in the flats do take very good care of them. Only thing is they should not have any jewels at home or heavy cash at home. Only trustworthy persons should be kept as maids and for other domestic helps. When any delivery boys are visiting the house, she can call the neighbour through phone and then allow the boys inside the house.

Or , if you could afford to buy a house for her to stay (later you can use it for your use), you can buy one in any of the RETIREMENT COMMUNITY area. There are many such areas in India and in Tamilnadu also. In this, there are many varieties of houses according to your budget. The elderly persons can stay in their house with all privacies and you people can also go and stay with her whenever you wish.

She need not cook or do any kind of work there. There will be a common dining room where all the elderly persons dine together and all the other necessary works will be looked after by the organizers.Doctors will have a regular visit there. For these , you may need to pay monthly.

In any of these arrangements, you can assure her that you will visit her once in 6 months or any other time possible for you.

Many of the families staying abroad are following any of the above arrangements to look after their parents, who could not afford to stay with them in their work place due to high cost of living.

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