MIL's Problem - how to handle?

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#1
my mil is very much adamant and finding faults in every single things. Like in cooking, or insulting me before others, etc.. etc.

How can i deal it ? when i complained to my hubby, he just says, my mom's nature is like that, pls adjust like that. but i am losing self respect before her. how can i adjust ?
 

jv_66

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#2

The same method dear, as I have told you for your another querry.

There is no other go. We need to adjust, as your hubby is telling.

Please do not get angry. If any of your boss in your office is like your MIL, will you always fight with them. Think like that.

Please do not give back-answers to her for each and every insult.

CERTAINLY, ONE DAY OR THE OTHER, YOUR SOFT NATURE WILL CHANGE HER ATTITUDE.

So, try to think POSITIVE. Many ladies would have faced these kind of problems with their MIL and SIL. When our husband is on our side, we need not worry.

And one more thing, please don't COMPLAIN TO YOUR HUSBAND daily about her. Then he would become FED UP with you, and he would not give importance to your talks.

To lessen your anger and to have an outlet for the insults, you can write in a paper, whatever you wanted to scold your MIL, and read it once. THEN TEAR OFF THAT PAPER without forgetting, and flush it out.
 

Preethi4u

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#3
my mil is very much adamant and finding faults in every single things. Like in cooking, or insulting me before others, etc.. etc.

How can i deal it ? when i complained to my hubby, he just says, my mom's nature is like that, pls adjust like that. but i am losing self respect before her. how can i adjust ?
Hi Sandart,

Warm welcome to Penmai.
Don't worry,worrying never changes anything in life :)
Things like this happens to almost every daughter in law at some point of time. If i were you, If MIL complaints about my cooking next time before cooking that dish i would just go to her and nicely ask for the recipe for the same,will start conversation like " Athai last time when i made morcurry (morkulambu) i didn't like it at all, i was afraid how you and hubby going to eat it. Hubby didn't like it at all. he always likes your recipes only. Pls tell me that recipe athai... pla pla pla..." by this way your MIL won't be flattened but at least it will make her feel good. it will comfort that her son is still her son only.

This Diwali i wanted to do make badusha,searching in Google will get me very good recipes but i called my SIL and asked for the measurement and she was happy about it. she was giving me all the possible tips about it. this way you make your relationship live always and she feels im giving importance and to her.so there is no way SIL won't even think of complaining anything to your hubby.

How you love your Mom and how your mom loves you that same way MIL loves her son(your hubby). So always make sure you give them some quality time to spend. allow her to pamper her son at times. Let her make son's favorite meal,let her choose his outfits once in a while,ask him to take her out to temple or supermarket every now and then. whenever you go to your mom's place,how your mom treats you the same way you should allow your MIL to treat her son.
Give her small small gifts and surprises whenever possible. take her out for a morning/evening walk. ask for her suggestion in all the major or minor decisions. list goes on.....
Stop complaining about MIL to DH,bcoz coming back from work tired will make get upset, very obviously he will take that frustration out on you only. on the other hand he might dislike his mom for ill treating you and at one point he might get fed up.one fine day if you really go with a serious issues he will think that it's your normal complain.
I strongly believe in "Give respect and take respect" so gal pls continue giving her the same respect and love,soon she will treat you like her daughter or at least she will not treat you bad bcoz you are her son's beloved gal.

Everything will be alright soon,my best wishes.Take care.

"No Family is perfect,we argue,we fight,we even stop talking to each other at times,but in the end family is family,the love will always be there"
 
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#4
good suggestions by you friends, i didn't expect this much positive apporach and reply and also solution to the problem..

sure will follow your advice and update here once i had good relation with my mil.
 

jv_66

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good suggestions by you friends, i didn't expect this much positive apporach and reply and also solution to the problem..

sure will follow your advice and update here once i had good relation with my mil.


​Always POSITIVE APPROACH wins in life. It never fails. You WILL experience this.
 

sumitra

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#6
Dear Sandart, your problem is understandable. Jayanthy and Preethi have rightly analysed your problem follow their suggestions. you will come out of your problem soon. all the best.
 
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#7
Hi everyone,
i am new to this forum.. this question caught my attention coz i am also in the same position. We are in USA. we came to india for vacation. husband left me here and went back. since my stay here for 3 months i wanted to go and stay in my parents home for atleast a month.my in law family are not allowing. they are finding some or the other way to stop me. i really feel so sad and helpless. at first i complain to my hubby. no use.. once in a year i am coming here. i want to spend time with my family too.. what to do.. i kept quiet.. just counting the days to go back to my hubby.
 

jv_66

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#8
Hi everyone,
i am new to this forum.. this question caught my attention coz i am also in the same position. We are in USA. we came to india for vacation. husband left me here and went back. since my stay here for 3 months i wanted to go and stay in my parents home for atleast a month.my in law family are not allowing. they are finding some or the other way to stop me. i really feel so sad and helpless. at first i complain to my hubby. no use.. once in a year i am coming here. i want to spend time with my family too.. what to do.. i kept quiet.. just counting the days to go back to my hubby.



Hi Balaramii,

This happens to many of the married girls.

Please do not worry for this. You have just now come to stay with your in-laws. So, please wait for the right time.

Do not open your mouth for 2 months. Try to be happy with your in-laws. Do everything which will please your MIL.Just roam behind her.

Do not tell anything about your parents or siblings. Just ask all the details about your husband's family and their relatives.

After that, she herself might be pleased with your activities and allow you to stay with your parents for rest of the time, before you leave to US.

Even if she is not leaving to stay for 1 month, just before the last 10 days, find a good mood of your MIL, and ask her, that you and your parents would feel very happy if you stay with them for atleast 10 days. She will surely accept your request. Please do not fight or argue with her or your husband over this matter.

​It is in your hand to attract her with your activities and intimacy with her.
 
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#9
Hi Friend
This problem should be faced once in our life time. Dont be upset. Be courage to face your problem and wait for ur mil to change herself.Surely one day she will understand u. All the best.
 

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