more fights on sundays

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#1
we both married before 3 years. both are working in companies, getting good pay. we planned to have baby after 5 years.

we both spend our time whole day only on sunday only. but i noted in recent months we have more fights on that day. even for silly things, cleaning, arranging or cooking or just watching tv, or going to shops it is getting fights between us on that day.

so whole week we just staring each other in mid of the week even we talk again the next sunday we got some fights.

any ideas or suggestions?
 

sumitra

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#2
Hi premysk, welcome to penmai.com! The solution for this problem is with in yourself and your husband only. Your decision to have baby after five years of your marriage is fine. but how are you implementing that decision! kindly consult your doctor and seek
his/her advise. The intimacy with your husband only will solve the problem. If a child would have been there in your family you and your husband's mind might have been busy with looking after the child and your fightings would have been reduced. Hence don't postpone the child and at once you two decide to have child and do the needful immediately to have happy and peaceful sundays! have a nice time! all the best! thank you!
 

RathideviDeva

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#3
Hi @premysk
Based on my experience, most of the working couples (with or without kids ) have problems during weekend, if they dont have quality time together.

You haven't specified much details about what is the argument about, or which / who triggers it. You will definetly know about it. Or this could be the outburst of ingrown frustration of not meeting each others expectation.

Since this is a repeated sequence, if you stop and think about it, there must be an unresolved conflict between you two, which you guys are not having constructive discussion about it. Also wife's(including me) when they get disappointed /frustrated, they tend to nag. All Husband's hate nagging.

The first step is find the trigger, that makes the weekend not fun.
- This could be about your husband not meeting your expectation in doing the house hold chores or something else.
- Maybe you want him to spend time only with you
- Both of you may be too tired/stressed in the weekends, and you are not getting any relief.
- Maybe it is just boredom, of the routine life
- Maybe you two have conflicting plans about having kids or other future plans.
- It could external people

Life is not just succeeding, it is about having fun on the way. Try to have some fun activities, which interests both of you, like cycling, hiking, trekking, short vacation trip, boating, going to beach or even a long scenic drive in a two wheeler. Forget about all the reponsibilities or pending tasks. Destress and recharge yourself. This fresh energy would give you the strength to solve the problems.

First thing, whatever might be the problem, dont place the solution on others. Since you cannot control others, the solution might become unreachable. Also communication(not conversation) is the only solution. Communication is not just talking, but listening and trying to understand each other.
- Clearly state each others plans / expectations.
- Discuss about its feasibility
- Should be ready to make compromises, without enforcement
- Plan about actions to achieve it.

Communication is the key. Dont postpone, this would just escalate the problem. If you are not able to resolve it, don't hesitate to get the help of family counsellor.

Also remember to respect each others personal space.

I hope this helps. Wish you, a happy and fun filled family life with kids in the near future.

Regards,
Rathi
 

sumathisrini

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#4
Hi @premysk
Based on my experience, most of the working couples (with or without kids ) have problems during weekend, if they dont have quality time together.

You haven't specified much details about what is the argument about, or which / who triggers it. You will definetly know about it. Or this could be the outburst of ingrown frustration of not meeting each others expectation.

Since this is a repeated sequence, if you stop and think about it, there must be an unresolved conflict between you two, which you guys are not having constructive discussion about it. Also wife's(including me) when they get disappointed /frustrated, they tend to nag. All Husband's hate nagging.

The first step is find the trigger, that makes the weekend not fun.
- This could be about your husband not meeting your expectation in doing the house hold chores or something else.
- Maybe you want him to spend time only with you
- Both of you may be too tired/stressed in the weekends, and you are not getting any relief.
- Maybe it is just boredom, of the routine life
- Maybe you two have conflicting plans about having kids or other future plans.
- It could external people

Life is not just succeeding, it is about having fun on the way. Try to have some fun activities, which interests both of you, like cycling, hiking, trekking, short vacation trip, boating, going to beach or even a long scenic drive in a two wheeler. Forget about all the reponsibilities or pending tasks. Destress and recharge yourself. This fresh energy would give you the strength to solve the problems.

First thing, whatever might be the problem, dont place the solution on others. Since you cannot control others, the solution might become unreachable. Also communication(not conversation) is the only solution. Communication is not just talking, but listening and trying to understand each other.
- Clearly state each others plans / expectations.
- Discuss about its feasibility
- Should be ready to make compromises, without enforcement
- Plan about actions to achieve it.

Communication is the key. Dont postpone, this would just escalate the problem. If you are not able to resolve it, don't hesitate to get the help of family counsellor.

Also remember to respect each others personal space.

I hope this helps. Wish you, a happy and fun filled family life with kids in the near future.

Regards,
Rathi

Wonderful analysis and good advice @RathideviDeva :).
 
Last edited:
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#5
thanks a ton for answering to my problem with nice suggestions.

i cant tell the situations that creates the problem are big they are so silly. it includes the recipes, controversial works we do like if i plan to clean the house he asks me to come out. if i planned to go out he sleeps and ask me please no outing today. like that only. i am jovial person even i say something for fun he tooks it serious and touches his ego. i know he is not easy taking person. but even for silly suggestion or jokes he tooks serious.

i tried talking with him rathi but he says dont just again and again talk abut the same problem it is over like that he says. he is not understanding to finish the problem fully he just avoids to talk about the problematic situations.

yesterday as it was sunday. i didnt do anything on my own. i asked his suggestions for each and everything. but he looks me like i am alien?? i am totally confused..

kettutu senjalum ippadi paarkuraanga ketkaama senjal sanda podraanga really mudiyala intha life.

i have only this doubt from your points, how to ask him to listen to me and have proper communication?
 

RathideviDeva

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#6
Hi @premysk,
Based on your answer, i think you have some expectations, which he is not meeting up. Unga expectations /aasaigal romba chinnadha irundhaalum avar seyyaadhappo, you are frustrated. I can understand your feelings, as I have gone through this.

You have fixed in your mind that, you are jovial , he is exactly opposite and he is a complete mismatch for you. If your vision is with that thought , then you will see only that. Slowly try to fill up your mind with positives about your husband. Look hard.... you will definitely find some... Unga manasula irukka avara paththina -ve bimbatha udachchu aaganum. Adhukku ore vazhi, neriya avara paththina nalla, ungalukku pidichcha vishiyama, manasula eththunga....

konja naalaikku, avar engayaavadhu veliya outing plan panna, pending tasks ellaam dhoora pottuttu kelambunga. House hold works will be always there. Aana indha maadhiri quality time mudinja varai miss pannaadheenga. When you come back from the outing, on the way itself, tell him if he helps in completing the household work, even if not the same day, next day morning atleast.... it would be appreciable. Just tell him once and leave it.

Avar tired irukku, no outing todaynu sonnaarunnaa, either neenga unga friendsoda andha time spend pannunga, or goto temple or ungalukku pidichcha hobby edhaavadhu seiynga.

Remember if they are too frustrated, they never want to talk about the issue. So, konja nalaikku adha paththi pesadheenga. When he is not ready to listen, what is the use of talking at that time. In these 3 years you would have known his tastes, so avar kitta kekkaamaiye unga rendu perukkum pidichcha food seiynga.

Appappa family friendsa(neenga rendu perum comfortablea irukkavanga) veetukku saappida koopidunga. Simplea cooking irundhaalum podhum. Jollya time spend pannunga. Idhu konjam unga rendu perukkum mental stress releivera irukkum.

Romba ungala maathikkadheenga. Then with the changes your expectations will also rise. Konjam konjam maarunga. Mudinja varai porumaiyaa irungaa. Unga romance life baadhikkaama paarthukkonga. Appappo chinna chinna seyalgal moolam unga kaadhala unarththunga.

Neenga sonna adhe edhirpaarpukkal(expectations) avarukkum irukkum. Avarume neenga sonna adhe problemsa avar sidela irundhu solvaar.

Konja nalaikku appuram he will be ready to listen. Adhuvarai set your focus on something else..Poumaiyaa irundhu saadhinga. I know it is hard and it will take some time, but you can definitely do it with determination.

Hope I have answered your question, if not let me know.
 

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